I agree with Karina, some people don't realise just how exhausted a mum is so soon after giving birth, especially if they have no children themselves. I had alot of visitors the day after the birth which was great, as I wanted to share the event with family and friends, but VERY tiring. My little baby got passed from pillar to post and by that night I felt that I had hardly seen her!
The second day after she was born calmed down a bit but one friend, even though I told her that visiting hours finished at 1, stayed and ended up being there nursing my daughter for about two hours. I was nearly hysterical by the time she left and could not believe that she had not picked up on the cues that I was VERY TIRED and needed her to go home. I ended up having to say that I needed a rest and I am still a bit upset at her thoughtlessness. Most people checked before they came but we had some people just rock up whenever, and they were people who I wouldn't have really expected to visit us in the hospital anyway. The thought was there, but it put more stress on us than was needed.
Next time round I will ensure DH, DD & I get lots of bonding time with the new bub and may not even invite parents & in-laws until the next day. I will also be much more clear when we announce the birth when it is appropriate for people to visit, whether it be at hospital or at home. Having said that, it is easier in hospital because you can ask the midwives to help you out with visitors although I found it difficult to refuse people who just turned up because they had gone to the effort to come in.
My worst nightmare is having family try to visit bubs & I in the birthing suite shortly after the birth. I have decided I am going to karate kick them if they try to.....probably couldnt manage a karate kick but maybe a midwife could for me LOL! I have already told my mum I only want visitors when I am showered, rested and when we are all back in our room. I am so looking forward to meeting our little man and I know my family are too. I want to be completely aware of each hold, I want to see the look on everyones face when they look at their new family member. I dont want to ever forget it.
DH and I decided we were not going to tell anyone when I went into labour with DD because I didnt want people waiting outside the birthing suite for me to deliver the baby. Luckily for me it was after 2 in the arvo when Tori was delievered and there are strict rules about ow many people are allowed into the birthign suites, so no one could visit untill we got back to the ward.
My mum and dad and bro and SIL came for a very quick visit the first night, but then I told them to tell everyone else that I wouldnt be taking visitors untill the next afternoon.
Luckily for us everyone was really considerate and rang first before they turned up, I had heaps of people there are one stage, but most of them only stayed for about half hour and then left DH and I have some bonding time with our daughter.
I am nervous because DH has a big family and even if I tell them to come a few at a time they will ignore me and do what they want. His parents and sister will probably wait outside while I'm giving birth so I just hope I can go into labour without them realising. I want to ring them once the baby is born but I can't see it happening that way. I have put it on my birth plan that I don't want them coming in until DH and I have spent a bit of time on our own with the baby f irst.
My OB and the midwives who work with her suggest that for the first 1.5 hours only DH and I are in the room with the baby and that only I hold the baby (on my chest, to help with breastfeeding and for the baby to adjust/have my scent etc) we have told this to the whole family and they accept it. As we have just moved interstate i dont think we will have too many visitors, and i will def ask them to call DH 1st. I am most worried about MIL and FIL who will come down and expect to spend 24 hrs a day with us, more when we come home than when i am in hosp....
With DD was easy.... we had just moved to VIC so i had no friends to come visit me!! My parents didnt arrive until late...so the only visitors i got were my parents and DH....i felt lonely tho.... where others had lotsa people.. i had none...made me very down.
I guess im the opposite to alot of ladies in this thread where i wanted MORE visitors rather then less. Ill prob be the same this time round, have a few friends but none that would come see me...and parents still in another state
I think too it's a courtesy to your room mate if you end up sharing to limit your visitors. I was in a private hospital but had to share because of a mini baby boom.
I was embarrassed to have to walk through a bunch of people to go to the toilet. Especially seeing I was feeling the effects of a voltarin suppository. I think her partners footy team all came to visit at once
After Angus was born the midwife had to ask MIL to leave as she needed to remove my catheter and she mumbled ***** under her breath as she stormed out...
I am going to be strict on visitors too, my hospitals visiting hours are 12pm to 8pm which I think is a bit long myself! Ill word mum and dad up on the fact that no visitors yet and hubby too. I dont mind the thought of visitors so much- providing they ring first AND dont stay too long.
I am pleased to hear that the BF excuse works! I was going to ask people to leave nicely so I could feed but didnt want to be rude.
What about the requests for holds of the baby. I dont want my baby passed around in the first day or so. Im a meanie!!
Babies sleep a lot, luckily mine slept through visitors. Or you just say no, Baby is bonding with parents still. It's hard if people are around for the 8 hours though!
Nelliesbelly - you're so not a meanie if you don't want bubby passed around to a billion people!!! In fact, first time round, I didn't let anyone hold bubby even though EVERYONE turned up at the same time and lined the room! But my excuse was that DH had fallen ill quite unexpectantly not long after the birth (which he had btw) and so he didn't get to hold bubby on the first day so no one was allowed a cuddle until daddy felt he had had a good bonding cuddle with his first born. Also, because of the ventouse, bubby was unsettled for the first couple of days (midwife said she'd have a headache too if her head had just been sucked out a hole the size of a lemon) so when people visited, particularly if I had just settled bubby, no one was allowed a cuddle because 1) I had just settled bubby and 2) if bubby is settled even with a headache (who knows??) then as a mummy I'd feel a meanie disturbing a relaxed baby........
...then there's the issue of everyone getting a cuddle so their feelings aren't hurt but then they can all leave!! It's you that is potentially left with an unsettled bubby and therefore potentially lack of sleep until bubby winds down!!
So you decide what you want lovey and then do that.......there will be plenty of times for people to come visit you at home and have their own exclusive cuddles ....
....and I know not everyone feels the way I do and that's great! Each to their own! For e.g. if my SIL read this she'd tell me how wrong I am to think like this and quite obviously scoff at my decisions and then tell me how great she was when she had her babies....yadayadayada So again, what works for you will work for you even if it doesn't work for someone else!
thanks Charlyfrog! I am already protective of bub so I will not feel bad if I say no to holds at first. Do people really come in sometimes and pick them up out of the crib when they are sleeping? ive heard of this. I would be so mad! I guess people forget that babies are little humans that have just been through a big ordeal and they might be sleepy or restless or sore.
There will be zero visitors in hospital for me, only DP and the kids. I have learned this from having two babies already. I do not want baby hogs there, I do not want anyone waiting outside delivery suite and I will be not allowing anyone in. I will be going home the next day, people can visit me in the following days at home on on appointment. If I have an uninvited knock at the door, it won't be answered.
It's horrible when someone next to you has heaps of visitors, especially heaps of young males when you are bleeding so much and trying to BF and they keep pushing into your curtain. One young girl next to me when I had DD had 24 visitors at once, mostly men in their early 20s and to make things worse, I had just come back from delivery suite and they were all there rattling this awful rattle over and over at her baby and kept accidently opening my curtain. I had been awake for 30 hours at this point. And the most thing that bothered me was that THEY WERE USING THE TOILET IN THE ROOM! Despite all the signs that say not to, all these men were using the toilet that us 4 ladies had to share. This is a big reason I went home that day, same day discharge. There was 'male drops' all around and on the toilet seat, just what you need when you've just given birth and are struggling to go and need sanitary conditions! And I had to go past all them to get there. Later when they were forced out because they stayed longer than the visiting hours, the girl said she was over so many people coming, but said she felt wrong telling them not to come back. The whole lot of them were coming back at the 3pm time again and staying for another few hours. She said they had been there with her since just after birth and that her and her DH hadn't had anytime since delivery suite alone with each other or the baby.
Phew, end rant. This is the big reason why I want to go home straight after the birth this time and not even be put in a ward.
In regards to your first paragraph......WOOHOO TARA HONEY!!!!
- and how horrible for you with all those men/visitors.......what is with people and their lack of consideration?!?!? I just don't get it!!! I hope it's not that bad this time around for you sweety!
In regards to people coming in a picking up the baby uninvited.........I'd be watching like a hawk and if someone even smells like they are about to do that (which someone tried to last time and I turned and said quite firmly, "She's fine" and then kinda brushed their hand away.....on eof those long lost cousins that you NEVER see unless you have $$ or a new baby or house....plain nosey!!!) I'd a)have the crib right next to the bed and b)say, I've just settled him/her and then c)well, hopefully it won't come to that
Thought: can you pre-empt the midwives of who you want in, and when you don't want to be disturbed etc??? Even a secret signal if you are starting to be overwhelmed with visitors - can they chuck them out stressing 'strict bed rest now so everyone who hasn't just given birth, go home!!'?? Coz the midwives I had were great - they even left a visitor standing in the waiting room while they came to check with me if I was up to a visit!!
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But my excuse was that DH had fallen ill quite unexpectantly not long after the birth (which he had btw) and so he didn't get to hold bubby on the first day 
) so when people visited, particularly if I had just settled bubby, no one was allowed a cuddle because 1) I had just settled bubby and 2) if bubby is settled even with a headache (who knows??) then as a mummy I'd feel a meanie disturbing a relaxed baby........ 
So again, what works for you will work for you even if it doesn't work for someone else! 
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