My to be MIL kept telling me to take all the drugs dont be a silly girl have a c section because birth is savage (her word not mine). She made it so scary for me told DP I would be a 'sook' the whole time etc. Needless to say she is not on the xmas card list
I think when people say "have the drugs" you need to remember that they are really only talking from their perspective of labour and birth. Everyone's experiences are different.
You'll do great Renee! Think of yourself as a pioneer of modern birth for your older family members LOL! I'm sure once you've had your bub and they see how well you did they will all change their minds
It's also important to remember that EVERYONE wants validation, and they want to feel that what they did was right. If they agree with everything you're doing, maybe they feel they're saying they did it wrong. I think it comes down to everyone wanting to be acknowledged for the way they have done things, and more often than not, we don't get acknowledgement.
My mum for example found childbirth excruciating but I didnt' know that until I told her how I felt. I think she has never shared that with anyone before, whereas now days we tell all about our birth experience. I think back then (for my mum and her social cirlce at least) they had to grin and bear it. Letting mum talk about it now validate's what she went through. I can say to her "wow thanks mum for all that you went through to have me ,it must've been tough). And really she did so much for me that went unthanked by anyone, that for us to say we don't want to take their advice, it probably hurts.
So I wouldn't at all think theyre' being negative or unsupportive, I think they just want to feel that they did things right.
I hope you have a wonderful birth xxo
Webbmeg - thats a great way of looking at it.... you're right about the validation side of things. And fair enough too huh.... everyone needs acknowledgement for what they went through, good or bad
I think once I go through labour/birth with this bub, I'll be able to say to Mum "thanks for going through all that for me!!" as I'll understand it all better.
I'm just sooo damn excited about the soon to be labour and birth of our first child!!! It's so exciting!! I just can't wait to experience it all...... the good and the bad!! But when i say that to people they think i'm mad for thinking like that
Your next birth will be just as you hoped hun And even if it isn't, you tried. And you were excited about it all and that's what matters! We go in with a positive mind huh.
Ren, could you get some recent books on labour, birth and parenting for your rellos to read? I was extremely fortunate in that my mum started reading a ton of magazines on pregnancy and parenting and was always saying "Things have changed so much!". She had four kids with no drugs, up in stirrups with my dad safely locked out of the room. Imagine that? How horrible for her and all women who had to endure that back then (the birth in a room full of strangers that is). She didn't ever offer unwanted comments or advice though, and didn't blink an eyelid when I begged for an epidural (which I did without) or when my sister did a year later. She understands that each woman, labour and birth is different and now that our babies are here, she is still happy to learn 'new' parenting techniques and fandaggled contraptions like my hug-a-bub.
Sorry, this has turned into a post about my mum.
It's hard when the people around you aren't supportive, especially when you're so excited.
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as I'll understand it all better.
But when i say that to people they think i'm mad for thinking like that
I appreciate that!!
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