Husband super squeamish - do I need another support person?

[MrsJenkins]

Hello Bellybelly -ers!!

A big thank you - such a wonderful site, and wonderful forum!

My darling man unfortunately turns a pretty shade of green at any sight or even mention of blood and or guts.. he assures me there will be no cutting of the cord from him he physically just can't do it.

So..this being our first, I've never been through all the education classes yet - ladies please give me some advice: What things will he be able to learn with me, any check ups or procedures he definitely won't be able to handle?

I am wanting to make sure he is still fully versed in my birth plan wishes, I don't want him to get bullied into anything if I'm not able to communicate etc..

I'm looking into a midwife for a home birth (water birth?), (we're 40 mins to Kilmore Hospital or 50mins to the Northern - is this too far do you think?) but if DH's not able to be with me would you recommend an additional support person? Do you think it's too much responsibility to ask a friend?

I know it's a very individual decision but I'd be grateful to women who could share their 'combo' of people = two midwives? a doula? lots of family? two best girlfriends etc?

Thank you in advance, and thanks again for a brilliantly informative, supportive information service!!

MrsJ

[Catherine]

Mrs J

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I was worried my DH would faint. He hates needles and blood. Wheras i was a regular blood donor. Brave man that he is, he agreed to donate blood in my place. He fainted. but he did it! twice (once for each baby).

And during the birth of our first he was brilliant. We had a waterbirth at the hospital. I was very inward, my job was to birth, his job was to guard my space. He kept himself busy making sure i had my needs covered.

He came to nearly every antenatal appointment, the scans (2) and the birth classes.

For a homebirth, it might be good to have midwife and a doula.

A doula can help you both prepare for the birth, work through your concerns. Then you can call her if you need her during the birth (there is never an obligation to call them). This option can be empowering for both you and your husband.

My DH comment after the birth of our first, that waterbirth seemed 'cleaner' bloodwise.

[Glamourcide]

Hey hun, welcome to BB!!
Just wanted to sub to this as I'm a bit busy atm but promise to come back later and have a chat to you about some of your questions
x

[Party-of-five]

Hello and welcome
You and your DH might be surprised how much he can handle at the time but if it was me Id have another support person.
I had DH and my mum with all my 3, mum just stayed on the side lines but it was nice having her there and knowing she would step in if needed
And you asked if it was too much to ask a friend...I think a friend would be honoured if you ask them to be there for the birth of your child
good luck and I look forward so seeing you around BB

[~Stoked~]

Hi and welcome to BB!

I had a home water birth with my DS. My husband was pleasantly surprised that there was actually no mess at all! My waters broke in the pool, baby was born a short time later and there was no blood (or guts!) at all in the water.
I overheard him talking to a mate afterwards and he was saying how surprised he was because he was expecting it to look like a "shark attack" had just happened!
I'm just glad he didn't come into the bathroom afterwards to deliver the placenta... THAT was messy!

[toomanyshoes]

My DH hates blood and guts, wont even watch it on TV but he did fine at the births, mind you he didn't really go down to have a look and kept right up need the head of the bed but he was fine. He even cut the cord for our first (he couldn't with our 2nd because it needed to be removed quickly).

Good luck with your birth!

[MrsJenkins]

Aww thank you so much ladies!

You're all probably right -I'm sure he won't actually feint on the day (touch wood) I'm just worried about him not wanting to know too much about the in's and out's of medical procedures if there have to be any interventions. The opposite of me, researching everything to the nth degree and getting myself a bit frightened by topics like "birth rape" etc...


Thank you again for sharing, and for welcoming us to the forums - they're lovely messages to read.

Mrs J

[~Hestia~]

Firstly congratulations of your pregnancy!

Now, my DH was so sure he'd faint or something during the birth of our son. Hoped to cut the cord but said there was no way he'd be down the business end so to speak He was quite nervous and worried about what was going to happen during birth. In the end - couldn't fault him. He was so supportive and generally a super hero! He watched everything, cut the cord, none of it worried him once we were in the moment. And there really wasn't much mess or anything until our son had actually been born.

I know I don't know your DH and can't say how he'll be on the actual day, but he may surprise himself. But maybe have a back up organised just in case?

[MrsJenkins]

Firstly congratulations of your pregnancy!

Now, my DH was so sure he'd faint or something during the birth of our son. Hoped to cut the cord but said there was no way he'd be down the business end so to speak He was quite nervous and worried about what was going to happen during birth. In the end - couldn't fault him. He was so supportive and generally a super hero! He watched everything, cut the cord, none of it worried him once we were in the moment. And there really wasn't much mess or anything until our son had actually been born.

I know I don't know your DH and can't say how he'll be on the actual day, but he may surprise himself. But maybe have a back up organised just in case?

Thanks Cheezel! This is so spot on! I was umming and ahhing about a 2nd person, mainly because I didn't want too many people in my house looking at me, and also I was a bit in denial - I was hoping he was just exaggerating...

Any opinions on the safety of homebirth 40 to 50 mins drive from a hospital?

thank you again!!
MrsJ

[Glamourcide]

Lol back again just quickly - can I advise that you organise a 2nd support person as you just never know. A friend of mine recently gave birth and while her DP ad no qualms at all prior to the birth (ie he wasn't at all scared of the blood and guts), he soon discovered that he wasn't coping and ended up having to leave the birthing suite before her waters even broke - her doula ended up cutting the cord and then having to go out into the corridor to find dad, who was still as white as a ghost and sweaty - and he hadn't even seen anything 'graphic'!
Will bbl to talk about the rest, just wanted to share that as while I hope your DH can pull himself together and be there for you, you have to be realistic and the last thing I would want is to have to 'be strong' for his sake or even worse, to be left on your own because he can't handle seeing you in that state, kwim?
Good luck, I'll bbl x

[farmgirl77]

MrsJ, Not sure I have much to add, esp about the homebirth, but my DH was very clear about not being down near the 'business end' - his mates had told him not to leave my head!

After about 10mins in the birth suite, I lost the the PJ's so was starkers. At that point I did not want anyone but DH there. If I went back for a 2nd I think that I would be the same - I would just want DH there and no one else! BUT, a support person for DH would be a thought...I know that DH loved it each time I asked for ice cause it ment he had a legit reason for leaving the room and having 5 mins to himself - I know that it is strange thinking about him but to be honest he did cop a lot from me and having his mum call up every little while to see what was going on did not help! I think that if he could have had a best mate out in the waiting room who was just there to give him a beer, slap on the back every time he needed it, it would be good.

Despite being a farmer and a farmers son, there was no way he was going to cut the cord - to be honest it hurt a bit when he said that (well before the birth) BUT he stayed true to his word, did not cut the cord (we had an emergency c section so it was still an option - I think), but I really dont care now. He did not pass out, did not need to watch the birth video to work out how to support me, oh and despite not being able to watch me have internal ultrasounds during the pg, he did deal with the internal exams I had during the labour - its amazing what they can do when the put their mind to it!

Good luck
FG

[Mrs BB]

My OH is the same... faints with needles or blood.
There were obviously some things during labour he just didnt watch (epidural, breaking waters)
But he did SUPER otherwise. I ended up having an emergecy C section and he even put his head over and had a look!
He couldnt bring himself to cut the cord, haha.. but did amazing
Your OH will be fine