Im am thinking about how far apart we would ideally love our childern to be and I am wondering how many mums out there have a little one ( under 2) and either expecting or trying to.
We havent made up our minds yet ... looking for some pro's and con's i guess
DS will be 22 months when #2 arrives - almost half way and struggling in the heat and a very active 17 month old.. Agree with Feeb on the napping and picking up! I have a few concerns, mostly transitions I want DS to make before April and I know already that some of them aren't going to happen ie: toilet trained as not really wanting to wash nappies all day long nor do i want to fork out money for more nappies.. suppose that's what the baby bonus if for right?
I have 2 little ones. My first was 19 months old when my second came along. We planned it this way, but definitely with realistic expectations of how tough things may get! Which some days are fairly tough, but really it's fine and everything works pretty well most of the time! They are great little mates already and I could watch them play together all day long- it's so cute! Plus, my oldest who is a girl has been such a 'lovely' little mummy to our little boy.
I think things that have helped me cope through the pregnancy (and having to care for 2 little ones) is having the oldest sleeping well, eating well, etc when bubby comes along..all those things really take the pressure off.
I have 22mths between the first two and 21mths between the 2nd and 3rd. (so a nearly 4yr old, 2 yr old and 3mth old).
The pro's:
They play so well together.
They get to grow up together.
All of their toys and clothing is interchangable or able to be handed down (although my boys may not appreciate being dressed in their sisters pink clothing as they get older ).
It is fun doing family activities, because they all enjoy the same kind of things.
They help entertain each other, and play games together, which means I don't have to entertain them constantly, freeing up time for other things (like housework, or b/f - so maybe that should be a con ). It makes things alot easier when they are getting along.
Cons:
It is hard work (sometimes REALLY REALLY hard).
it can be stressful running after all of them, or trying to disipline them as they are close in age but still at different stages of development (DD doesn't always understand why she gets in trouble for something DS1 may not).
When they are sick (and you are usually at the same time), it is exhausting and can be hard to cope.
Changing nappies for 2 kids at once is expensive and a pain in the butt.
Trying to TT when you have other kids to look after is laughable.
In my case trying to fit 3 cars seats in a car.
Could go on for ages with the cons, But the truth is that I wouldn't change the age gaps I have and love them being so close together. I love it - but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't tell you that there are alot of drawbacks (I go through periods of really struggling to cope). Generally the pro's (whilst might appear on the list as slightly less, are of more importance then the cons - I have found.
When things are good, they are very, very good. But when they are bad they are horrid.
DS will be 20 months when this one is born. Pregnancy has been a little harder than last time because I had morning sickness this time and just chasing after DS is tiring so haven't had much of a chance to put my feet up and catch up on sleep. It's a bit more of a challenge picking him up. If we have to go to the shops I put him in a trolley or take the pram because I don't want to be carrying him or chasing him around the shops!
Wouldn't change anything though and if we have a third we'll probably go for a similar age gap.
My DS1 was 15 months when DS2 was born. They both napped at the same time during the day and I got to sleep, and now they are best friends which is just wonderful. It was also good practice for 2 years later when I had twins as I was well used to dealing with 2 babies at once. Having my family close together has also minimised the total time I have had to take out of the workforce, as I have not worked since I was 6 months pg with DS1.
On the downside I would have liked to be able to concentrate on each baby a little more when they arrived, but as I was always distracted with other babies this never happened.
As has already been said there is no ideal age gap, all gaps have pros and cons you just have to work out what your own priorities are.
My friend just had her second baby 6 weeks ago and her son was 20months when her daughter was born. so they are reasonably close. She was pretty full on especially because her husband was away most weeks working - but her son has been so cute with the baby and very accepting of the change. She tried to potty train him before but he wouldnt have a bar of it yet... however he is sleeping in a normal bed and had been for about 7 months before his sister was born.
I also have another friend who fell pregnant with her DD2 when her DD1 was only 5 months old!! definately a whoopsie... however the two girls are so close and love spending time together. She now has a 3rd one in there and has 3 children under 3.
I personally am 6 years older than my only sibling (also a girl) and i HATE it. We were at different stages in our lives growing up and yet my sister always wanted me to play with her or follow me and my friends around etc. Only now that she has finished high school are we starting to get along. Yet for my mum, she loved it because i was at school and she could concentrate on the new baby.
We are definately going to plan a 2nd baby fairly close together. (DH is 10 and 12 years younger than his sisters - so we both would like siblings close)
Last edited by Nelle; November 24th, 2009 at 07:49 AM.
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Will be 21 months difference when our second arrives.
My theory was that I can get all the nappy stage out of the way at once and hopefully have 2 kids that are good friends
I fell pregnant when my firstborn was 18 months old. Found it a bit tough to be both pregnant and breastfeeding, and I wish I'd kind of been able to have break between the two, but the trade off would have been a bigger age gap and I didn't want that. That was about the only downfall from my perspective. The age gap was good because our firstborn was able to handle the arrival of a sibling really well and he was also at an age where he was quite accepting of daddy taking over as his main carer while mummy had to tend to a newborn. A couple of friends have the same age gap and also feel that it's very good. The firstborn is mature enough and grown out of being the baby by the time the second one arrives, but they're close enough in age that they play together well & get on like a house on fire (all three cases are same sex siblings, don't know if that makes a difference).
There's no perfect age gap though. There are pros and cons of both big & small age gaps and I think once you have the second, most people feel like the age gap they have is perfect for their family, which, of course, it is
Goodluck in deciding.. I umm and ahhhed for ages over this one.
I have a 2.5yr DS and a 1year old DD and expecting my 3rd in April next year. Yes they were all planned as I am often asked.
The biggest pros and cons for me having my kids so close together were;
pros:
1. The biggest pro was my #1 was still on 2 naps aday (he was 15mths) when I had #2 so it was much easier for me to nap or just lay down whilst the newborn just played on her back or had a nap herself.
2. #1 was more excepting of my laying on the couch while he played when pregnant wth #2. Now he is 2.5yrs and I am doing the same as I am preg with no.3 , he gets annoyed with me and misbehaves but #2 doesnt care what I do as long as she can see me - she is only 1yr old.
3. Being only 15mths apart they both often join in and enjoy the same sorts of activities which is easier on me.
4. They both go to playgroup together.
5. The thing I thought about the most is that they will all go to school 1 after the other and it will be easier to do stuff with them when they are all older because they will be close in age. A lady at my work told me that is the biggest issue for her. Her girls are 6years apart so going on family trips is hard because they have to cater activities for a teenager and a little girl.
cons:
1. Still having to pick up #1 when heavily pregnant with #2. SO having the same issue again now preg with #3. Both #1 and 2 are too small to get on their seats by themselves.
2. The first few months were hard with my second. Often I would be feeding #1 breakfast whilst breastfeeding #2. My first couldnt feed himself yet.
3. If you go out alot you need a double pram and they can be heavy and annoying and take up all my boot space!! A double stroller wont work if it doesnt recline for the newborn.
4. I thought I was ready to have another so got pregnant when #1 was 6mths. Mentally I was ready my for me it turned out that my body was not quite ready and my 2nd pregnancy was harder physically.
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Anyone with a 1 or 2 yr old and pregnant?
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