Inappropriate pregnancy announcement reactions

[wysiwyg]

meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.

Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!

I have to say I agree with this, is just a question and peanutter puts it I think is a result of "people worrying that they're being insensitive or drawing incorrect conclusions by assuming that all pregnancies are wanted and planned ..."

Before I became pregnant and started looking on BB I never realised how difficult it is for some people it is to get pregnant, and how easy it is for others, how much planning can go into it - my world had never overlapped with babies and pregnancy and if I asked the "Was it planned" question in the past I certainly wouldn't have been thinking they want the baby less or interested in their sex life.

[Snacks]

meh. I've asked if it's planned before. Why assume the question means more than it is? Unplanned doesn't equal unwanted.. it's just a question.

Having said that.. I'll probably be asked this too when we are pg with #3 cos we already have a boy & a girl. Sure it'll irritate me, but I wouldn't be offended and see it as people prying into my sex life!

...if I asked the "Was it planned" question in the past I certainly wouldn't have been thinking they want the baby less or interested in their sex life.

Diff'rent strokes then, I guess. To me, the question is saying, "So did your contraception fail or didn't you use any?"

[wysiwyg]

This is going to sound slightly silly, but before becoming pregnant myself - the fact that someone has had sex to get pregnant didn't really cross my mind - the two were sort of detached. If someone announced they were pregnant I wouldn't be thinking about them having sex, but I might be curious about what the thought process was about deciding was the right time to have kids if there was one, is human nature to be interested in the life of those around you - ok now I have BB where I can read all about peoples pregnancy and TTC journeys and read about peoples thought processes in deciding when is the best time for them to have a first, a second etc - but once upon a time there wasn't BB and you need to learn stuff from other people somehow.

[Liz]

Yeah, it's a bit like being offended that someone has announced their pregnancy... ewwww... I don't want to know that you had sex!

[boomba]

Epacris thats so rude.

and big husg to everyone else who has encounted this

[Epacris]

Wow, I never even considered that some people might not mind being asked the “planned” question. Thanks for sharing your different perspective.

I have such a strong reaction to it, I loathe it, it makes me seethe! I dread announcing this pregnancy because I know it’s coming and I just absolutely detest it. For me it is just such a gross invasion of my privacy. That’s just how I feel.

[Liz]

yep, we're all different

I think it's the repetitiveness of questions that gets me more than anything. I see people post that they think it's rude to ask how the birth went, or how bub is sleeping, or whatever. I don't mind being asked stuff, but when it's asked a gazillion times I start getting annoyed. I had people commenting all the time on how huge I was with DD, are you sure it's not twins? you sure you've got your dates right? You look like you're going to pop any time now! I wasn't offended, just frustrated at answering the same questions all the time.

I hope you can overcome it somewhat, cos as you say, you know it's coming :/ Maybe include how you feel about it in your answer so they don't have a chance to think 'oh - surprise baby=unwanted baby' (not that I really think people think this?). Maybe something like "no, this is our little surprise and we're so excited" or something.

*hugs*

[~Lashes~]

what one gets me is the "do you own a tv?"
the one i was most shocked was when i told mum about no 4, her reply was" i know you wernt planing for another, so what are you going to do?" i told her "HAVE IT!! of course, i cant even think about any other possibility" her reply to that was "well i dont ever regret it, best decission i ever made, i couldnt have delt with 2 in nappies"
lucky i had called to tell her and not waited till she visited! i would have slaped her so hard! last time i had only one in nappys was befor dd was born and ds1 was just getting out of night ones.... after that one, nothing shocks me now!!!

[Snacks]

Yup, definitely diff'rent strokes!
Liz, I disagree. I don't think it's like being offended by a pregnancy announcement at all. Of course everyone knows you have to have sex to get pregnant - that's the point: why would you need more details?

Vic, thanks for that explanation. I think I get where you're coming from.

If someone says, no, it wasn't planned... what do you say then? Don't you feel like (unless they are a VERY good friend) you are getting into 'none-of-my-business' territory?