Registered User
Do you get frustrated by comments like this too???
"Oh - we can't wait to come and see the new baby!"
Umm... Hello.... what about mum who gave birth to this new baby or the DH/DP that had to endure the pregnancy also or the siblings who have to adjust to a new family member. Do they not matter???
I'm sure they do and i'm sure there is no malious (sp) meant by these comments but it frustrates me to no end.
There is more people involved in this that just the "new baby" !
Registered User
yep! my mother is the worst at that.but it'll be a little easier with a "baby boom" in my family - 4 babies from june onwards - one set of twins! to this being our second (and first for the other two) we may just be able to hide
I've told people that they're to talk to DJ (even though he'll be almost 17 months old 0_0 ) about his new brother/sister before they talk to the baby and congratulate him on being a big brother...then the baby after all DJ is the first born...he needs the attention!
Registered User
Well, I suppose from their perspective you, your DH and your existing kids are not 'new', kwim? So maybe it's not that they are dismissing you or the importance of your involvement, but that it goes without saying that they'll be seeing you. If someone brings flowers, they're for you, not for the baby.
Especially in the case of parents and family (cos it's usually family who say such things LOL), they've been seeing you for your whole life, so they're pretty used to it by now. In the same way that breathing is one of the most important things we do, but we don't really think or talk about it much, we just do it. So in some ways seeming blase about it might actually be a bit of a compliment about how important you are in their lives; so important that it just happens without having to talk about it much.
My mum always made me laugh when DS was tiny. She lived interstate and whenever she'd visit she'd be so excited to see him that she'd rush in and start hanging out with him without a thought for anyone else. After about five minutes I'd say 'Hi Mum', and she'd look up, realise that the rest of the universe still existed and get all sheepish. But it was hard getting mad at her about it because her excitement was so infectious.
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I recommend directing visitors to talk and play with the first born before zooming in for baby cuddles (because in their excitement they don't always realise that it's important to do). Some of ours didn't even acknowledge our first born when they came to visit the new baby, and DS was very, very upset that the people who used to love and adore him, completely ignored him. He didn't cope with that at all and we had to do some major damage control.
Registered User
I guess if you think about it we all talk about the new baby, the things we are going to do with them, the things we need to buy for them, how we want to birth them, what are we going to call them, it really is no wonder that people can't wait to welcome the new little person into the world.
Watching and waiting for 9 months or there abouts, feels like torture, to me..and there are a lot of others waiitng/hanging out to meet this new member of the family.
I don't know? these days I try not to let too much bother me, we are all made so differntly and shaped by our experiences, I let them be excited and make sure in our own immediate family that the kids feel special as well.
Registered User
My mum still does this
While it frustrates me I do get it and why people do it and most of the time it doesn't worry me but other times it frustrates me.
Registered User
LOL, so does mine, but she's improved a bit since she now sees him twice a week if not more. Now I usually get a hello within two minutes.
Seeing that he's the apple of her eye, I don't think we'll have a problem with him being adequately acknowledged when the new baby comes, I think if anything the new baby is going to have to fight for the attention.
Registered User
this may sound mean but i hate that everyone wants to come to the hospital as soon as the baby is born.
I had a c-section in the morning around 9am and my in laws was at the hospital that very afternoon! I couldnt move, i felt like crap...seriously a little more time to recover would have been nice.
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my bubs is due via c-section on the 12th of May @ 3pm - I am hoping that she arrives early so I can have her to myself for a few days before we announce that she has shown up early. I know that mum has already said she will be THAT day -
Besides that the in-laws are already grating me the wrong way - so the thought of them coming in and breathing all over me and my newborn drives me livid. It is there first grandchild, but they are not the most maternal/paternal people in the world, so more likely to pick and tease rather than enjoy.
There is something about other people coming and touching my baby that drives me mad - I have carried her for so long and wanted her for so long that she is MINE, and I don't wanna share!
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my bubs is due via c-section on the 12th of May @ 3pm - I am hoping that she arrives early so I can have her to myself for a few days before we announce that she has shown up early. I know that mum has already said she will be THAT day -
Besides that the in-laws are already grating me the wrong way - so the thought of them coming in and breathing all over me and my newborn drives me livid. It is there first grandchild, but they are not the most maternal/paternal people in the world, so more likely to pick and tease rather than enjoy.
There is something about other people coming and touching my baby that drives me mad - I have carried her for so long and wanted her for so long that she is MINE, and I don't wanna share!
Yep. I'm with you. I dont want to share....well not straight away anyway.
BellyBelly Life Subscriber
I know. My family are pretty good, but I think that's due to BB and hearing people's stories that our families were forewarned that I absolutely didn't want to be ignored, and also that they would be called when it was time to come to the hospital and until then they could sit tight.
My sister is ace, she always came straight to me, checked in with me and after a few minutes would ask about the baby. Legend.
I think something that can really help might be to word up your partner and maybe some good friends? Tell them that you'd love a visit, and of course they can see baby, but you need them to make their visit about YOU, because you suspect your families will overlook you in their excitement. That might help.
Or word up your families if they're receptive - I certainly know that once someone's checked in with me, I'm far more likely to OFFER bub over to be snuggled, rather than someone having to ask and me hating every minute of their snuggle.
Of course - you don't have to hand your baby over at all if you don't want, you're the parent!
Registered User
Krikkit, we've solved the problem of the elective c-section by not telling anyone our due date (so that they can't guess when the section is likely to be), we've just told them the month. Unfortunately not an option you can take if they already know the date, but you could tell a little white lie and tell them the section has been pushed back a couple of days, get yourself a little breathing space.
It's bugged only a few people that we've done this - namely, my mum, who doesn't really get why we're doing it, and who in any case will be the first person to know as she'll be looking after our DS on the day. She looks after him twice a week anyway so I'm hoping to schedule for a day that she already has him, that way we won't have her at the door within seconds of the first incision. She's gorgeous, but a tad over-enthusiastic.
When DS was born by emergency c/s after a looooong labour, my DP rang my parents just before I went into theatre to give them an update, and told them he'd ring when I was out of recovery and they could come in. He bumped into them on his way back to the ward with DS, whilst I was still in surgery, waiting anxiously. They must have jumped into the car within seconds of my DP's phonecall. Although I thought their concern was very sweet, it's made me a little more cautious this time around. Especially when I explained to mum that one of the reasons I'm not telling people the date is that I'm apprehensive and uncomfortable enough about having to have a scheduled c/s without well-meaning people inadvertently pestering me with good luck calls etc just before the event, and she said 'but we're your family, we love you, we wouldn't do that'. Right... Like I said, gorgeous but over-enthusiastic.
(Wow, now there's a rant, obviously I still have ishews about this LOL)
I hope we all get a bit of space when our little ones arrive.
BellyBelly Member
We had the discussion with the family before hand, that on the first day it was to be parents only, and they had to wait for the call to say they could come in. I stressed this with my family a lot, and the wishes were respected. DH, on the other hand, didn't feel the need to harp on about it...hence his brother and gf turned up the first night too. Also, DH was on the phone to his dad when I was at home during labour, and his dad asked whether they should come to the hospital, luckily DH put him straight that a) we were still at home and wanted to be left in peace, and b) we didn't know how long it would be anyway so would let them know (lucky he did as I reckon it was about another 15hours or so anyway! they would have had a long wait at the hospital!
This time around, I want DD to be the first person to see the new baby. I've told my parents the plan, since they will have her anyway - the idea is DH will meet them with DD in the corridor, and bring her in, while they wait outside for 10-15 mins. I've asked DH to mention this to his parents, but again, he doesn't think its as important as I do, so he still hasn't mentioned it
As for family ignoring DD, I'm pretty sure this won't happen as I know both sets of grandies have bought her a new 'big sister' present, so she doesn't feel left out with the pressies the new baby is getting.
Registered User
i know exactly what you mean, i didnt want anyone within 100m of me and baby for days and MIL came up to stay near us the week i was due. There i am, laying in bed (TMI) delivering my placenta and there is a knock on the door and in comes MIL!!! I couldnt belive it! Turns out it was actually the best thing that could have happened as i had a bad bleed had to go to theatre, DP was no use cause he though i was going to cark it and MIL hugged and loved and sung to and rocked DD so she wasnt all alone! Sometimes things just work out i guess.
But that was it, for the next two days we curled up in bed together and even though my mum turnned up from the uk while i was still in hospital, and stayed at our house she basiacally stayed out of our way for a few days and just did the laundry and made dinner!!!!
I think you should be able to say to your friends and family ''we just need another day to settle in together, baby will still be brand new in a few days'' . I think people like the novalty of seeing a human being that is only a few hours old.....im sure they will understand. hugs to you.
Oh and it really broke my heart to read about those first born children who are ignored when the nes baby arrives, i always try to think of the other kiddies. At a friends baby shower a few months ago i didnt get the mum or baby anything, i bought the 4 year old boy stuff, everyone thought i was wierd....except him and his mum!!
Registered User
YES i hate them as well
they should want to come see all of us not just the new baby- who just went through labour who was there the whole way through it and helped create this baby
so true sunshine annoys me
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We dont want any family come for a few days- has anyone been able to tell there family NO lol
i dont know how to do it as im afraid they wont understand
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I agree with u here, and i think what u did was wonderful
Oh and it really broke my heart to read about those first born children who are ignored when the nes baby arrives, i always try to think of the other kiddies. At a friends baby shower a few months ago i didnt get the mum or baby anything, i bought the 4 year old boy stuff, everyone thought i was wierd....except him and his mum!!
Registered User
Hi Sunshine, I'm sure people don't mean anything by it other than to express how excited they are for you that you will have a new baby and they want to share that with you and can't wait to meet themI always make sure I ask the mum how they are feeling and chat with them before I even look at the new baby and I pay special attention to older siblings too before going gaga over the baby... In fact a new bub has been coming into work for the past 3 weeks (since birth) and the older sibling is so adorable!!!! It'd be hard to ignore him even if I wanted to cause he's just too beautiful... If people actually do come over to see the new baby and neglect the rest of the family than I think you have something to complain about
I also don't want any family/friends rocking up at the hospital straight away, I want at least a day to ourselves, maybe 2 or 3 than visitors are welcome, not sure how that will go down but that is the way it will be!
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