is this mean?

[briggsy's girl]

i'll start by saying i'm someone that NEEDS her space. i can cope with DH touching my tum at any time, but anyone else - well, i just can't cope. i've made this abundantly clear to everyone around me - not always in words, but they know not to touch me

anyway, tonight i called in at mum's for a while - my little 4 year old niece was there. she asks me every time she sees me "is you baby awake?". usually, gremlin is sleeping peacefully, but tonight she was awake and kicking, so i told C she could put her hands on my tummy and feel the baby move.

well, baby went NUTS! she knew someone was there, and she was kicking up a storm, to the point my niece jumped cos the kicks were so hard! she had the most beaming smile on her face, and told mum how it felt to be kicked. i told her how special she was, and that she was the only person other than DH to have felt the baby move.

afterwards, i was wondering how mum felt about it. she kinda looked at me weird - and i think if she'd ASKED i probably would have let her feel, but i just don't know

do you think i was mean to let the kidlet feel while mum was there? should i have said "oi, you wanna feel too" - i just don't know - i really don't want everyone thinking they can put their hands on me, but now i wonder if i should have offered to her like i did to C...

[AliBaby]

No hun, I dont think you are mean. My mum was constantly asking me when I visited her and when she came down to visit me if she could feel the baby kick. I let her once and the baby stopped kicking and it just feels weird to have someones hand their that isnt DP's when nothing is happening. I havent let anyone else touch my belly.

[~Trish~]

Kids are a completely different ball game when it comes to things like this, so no, I don't think you were mean at all. If you're not comfortable with your mum touching your belly then that's OK, it's about you, not her.

I'm sure she understood the different rules for your niece, I know I would. If you feel the urge to include her next time then do so, and if not, that's OK too

[aussienic]

No not at all.. I too was very weird about people touching my growing bump.. more so with my first.. but I love love love touching peoples bellies now lol..

I think you could maybe say to your mum you just feel uncomfortable with adults touching your tummy.. and when gremlin is born I am sure you will get many kicks but this time you will get to see the feet that are doing it

[black_rose]

I understand how you feel, I am exactly the same, I am happy for DH and my niece to feel my belly but no one else its just too strange. I think my mum feels it is unfair too but I haen't asked her outright as I can imagine the fuss she would make and I would feel obliged to let her.

[grub17]

hi brissygirl... it is still your belly lady and you get to call the shots! Having never been pg or had this problems, i'm shooting from the hip - but its completely up to the mum (the pregnant one i mean, not gran!) if she gets felt up.

If you are feeling guilty maybe just invite her next time. It is pretty clear from what you've written here and probably from your mum's reaction, it's an invite-only party.

but all in all, i wouldn't stress too much about it, of course you let the little one touch the belly. your mum shouldn't be jealous of a child getting a treat!

that's my two bob on the situation.
ox

[Visitor8]

hmmm I don't know. I think your mum probably felt upset and left out, and I can understand that.

I too hated people coming up and touching without permission, and even worse I hate it when they come and talk to your bump and not your face... HELLO I AM HERE TOO! BUt I didn't mind my mum touching, or immediate family

[Marlene]

I am a mum of 4 and didn't really care about people touching my belly (people I know of course, wouldnt want total strangers coming up and putting their hands all over me) so I have never really felt as strongly as you feel about it.
It is your belly and you can decide who does/doesnt touch it....but (yes, theres always a but, lol)....I think your mum is probably soooooo excited for you about this little bubba that she probably did feel a bit dissapointed to not get to feel when the baby was "going off" with the kicks.
Maybe (if you feel inclined) if bubs kicks like that again you could let her have a feel with the warning that its a "one-off chance.

[Marlene]

oops...double post. BB is playing up for me tonight.

[Arimeh]

Nah BG, I'm sure, since she is your mother, she understands your "space" needs.

Totally different with kids I agree - make them feel special and included and stuff

FWIW - I hated everyone touching my belly on my first pregnancy - and then because nobody is ever excited for you on your second one - couldn't wait for people to ask to touch it!!! I even offered my mum a feel and she rejected me.. lol

[Doing my best]

Maybe your Mum could've asked you to see what your reaction was.. I hated people doing it unless I knew it was coming (either they asked to, or I invited them to)..

I got really offended at a friends house one day (she was also pg) and her older kids loved feeling her baby kicking but it was sleeping, so she told them to go and feel 'Heather's baby'.. I protectivley covered my tummy and said baby wasn't moving.. I felt really insecure even with children.

[Nelle]

I wasn't a fan of people touching me belly without permission either. I can also imagine that it would be a special thing to feel a baby kicking my daughter...I can imagine longing to be part of that. Either way, your mum hopefully will respect your feelings, but I guess, if at some stage you get an opportunity to share that feeling with your mum, and you feel comfortable with that - I think that would be really special for her.

Do I make sense? I'm not saying your feelings aren't important, because I can totally understand and remember how I felt about my belly - but it might be worth putting aside your feelings about that in order to do something sweet and meaningful for your mum. You're the best judge of these things though.

[Marlene]

and then because nobody is ever excited for you on your second one - couldn't wait for people to ask to touch it!!! I even offered my mum a feel and she rejected me.. lol

LOL...too cute.

[Marlene]

I wasn't a fan of people touching me belly without permission either. I can also imagine that it would be a special thing to feel a baby kicking my daughter...I can imagine longing to be part of that. Either way, your mum hopefully will respect your feelings, but I guess, if at some stage you get an opportunity to share that feeling with your mum, and you feel comfortable with that - I think that would be really special for her.

Do I make sense? I'm not saying your feelings aren't important, because I can totally understand and remember how I felt about my belly - but it might be worth putting aside your feelings about that in order to do something sweet and meaningful for your mum. You're the best judge of these things though.

Oh Geeeez...thats what I was trying to say......Nelle said it so much better, LOL.

[luna moth]

Nah, mate, people who really want to cop a feel will just go on ahead and do it.

[briggsy's girl]

thanks everyone

i just want to put it out there that i have an "interesting" relationship with my mum - until recently, she's shown myself and DH little to no respect to the point i cut her out of my life for about 3 months until she could show me that she would treat me with respect. it took a lot for me to get her to understand i'm not a child - yes, i'm her child, but i'm an adult that deserves to be treated as such

as a result, even though i have dinner with her every week (to try and work on things), our relationship is still on a rocky footing. i don't want her touching me or making this pregnancy "hers" which she has tried to do in the past - it's not about her. but at the same time, i don't want to alienate her

when my niece took her hands away, bub stopped kicking, so it wouldn't have made much difference today i don't think...

thanks for your input - i want mum to be part of this - but on my terms, not hers kwim?

[alioops]

BG hun that is probably why she didn't ask. She is learning that for her to be included it has to be on your terms, and probably won't ever ask because she wants it to be on your terms. If you are comfortable with letting her feel it once or twice, then offer, because I don't think she will ask.

I personally don't have a problem with family touching my belly. When I was pg with Sarah I was in the doctors office and a lovely lady politely asked me if she could rub my belly for good luck. If she had been rude I wouldn't have let her, but because she asked and I was feeling like she was being polite I let her. She literally did a 2 second rub and then went on her way. If it was someone just coming and touching without asking I probably would have freaked out!!

[Neenee Jellybeanie]

I can totally understand where you're coming from. Unfortunately it's one of those sticky situations, especially because of your rocky relationship with your mum. This is just the beginning of what will hopefully be a strong relationship between bub and nanna, as well as an improved relationship between you and your mum. If her putting her hands on your belly feels too fast, that's totally okay and understandable. There will be many more opportunities for her to bond with baby in the future.