ill make this quick as im on hubbys comp and his key board doesnt work properly, ill follow up on my comp later
the hospital already told ,me even if i loose weight they wont take me
hubby said sorry, said he is stressed which i knew and said he didnt say very nice things
but still says this is all 1 sided and i only think bout myself
and i cant afford the homebirth as the bbay bonus is being used to buy a second car
i dont feel like myself anymore, i have lost the happy person i once was, i just want me back
hubby says he doesnt like this fighting all becasue of the hospital
Well what sort of an apology is that!? Just forget about what he is up to. As for buying a second car on the Baby bonus, why does he need two, you can only drive one at a time, and the $5000 is paid fortnightly.
I would say why not just investigate Home birth as an option as they others have suggested, and I would just ignore your hubby and keep putting yourself first, after all you have another little person on board there at the moment.
Just take one step at a time, call the complaints person at Redlands, or write. Explain more about your personal situation as well, and say you really need their help. They should then get on board with assisting you. I know at the RBWH they said to call them for ANYTHING, including seeing a social worker about my relationship and that they would organise one to mediate between my partner and I, as he has OCD issues.
If you're going to complain then start off by knowing the facts. Get a copy of the policy. It seems wrong to me that they are saying that EVEN IF you lose weight, they will not take you. Getting a copy of the policy should help with knowing whether they can actually do this or not.
Don't write a complaint before getting hold of the policy.
I think do nothing for a few days and see how you feel then.
I do think it's completely do-able to lose weight if you make some dietary changes. I was not able to exercise through my pregnancy at all because I couldn't walk due to SPD and had to use a wheelchair for anything more than 50 metres. I also had gestational diabetes but only put on 3kg throughout the entire pregnancy so really and truly, it is completely possible.
As for your weight, One BMI point is difficult to "just lose" even for someone who is not pregnant and you need to concentrate on your health and your baby's health. If you concentrate on eating healthy and light exercise (nothing too drastic) and you lose weight thats ok, but concentrating on weight loss while you're growing a baby could be a total head wreck.
See if you can get an assessment at your hospital for the risks for YOU, BMI is a rubbish measure of weight, most personal trainers at the gym are obese due to muscle mass.
The main reason they are starting to institute these policies are due to risks in theatre. Ask if you can have a anaesthetic appointment so they can look at your airway etc. It may be that they don't think its as much of a problem as this flawed number seems to indicate. At the very least you'll get a better explanation of their side of things which might help a little.
If you do go down the "talk to the hospital route, arm yourself with as much information as possible, a copy of the policy is a good idea with a repsonse from you, maybe an IM could help you with this?"
If your DH is anything like mine, if you keep him up to date with how you are and how hard this is for you, he may just need some processing time. BUt I hope he comes through with a real apology and support soon.
Take care and I hope you can find a solution that suits everyone.
x
emc- we need the second car because we only have a 7 seater and this baby will make us a family of 8
fiona- thats what i was trying to do, just leave it a few days not think about it, but he wants me to send of this letter, and its wasnt a complaint letter, i was just asking to have my case be reviwed, but he wants me to complain.
Polly, i worked out that being over the bmi by 1 point, ment it was 5-6 kilos, and they took my bmi at 16 weeks pregnant, so not fair!
i was trying to come to terms with this, just accept the hospitals decision, but it seems to have divided my husband and myself, its shouldnt be like this, we are supposed to be enjoying this baby, not fighting cause the hospital wont let me bith there
OK, why don't you try to buy yourself some time and tell him you want to get a copy of the policy before complaining because you need to know whether you're complaining about their interpretation of the policy or the policy itself.
Messaged you on FB, but wanted to show support here too.
This is about you. Duh! Its Not him going through labour.
ETA: My DH had to drive me an hour down the freeway in labour when there was a hospital 5 minutes up the road because I was categorised as high risk. So yeah, speaking from experience here.
Im sorry but I just dont see how he can blame you for it being one-sided. It wasn't your choice to not birth at this hospital, the hospital has forced you to look at other options. You didn't get pregnant on your own, he made that choice along side you hun. And now when it comes to the crunch, when your already stressed out about it, for him to put that all back on you???? I know he is probably the sweetest guy under other circumstances, but in this circumstance he's behaved a bit selfishly & hasn't offered much support for you when you needed it.
He's stressed? Well thats nice, but you're the one that all of this has been inflicted on to begin with.
What Im trying to say is this is not your fault, you haven't made this one-sided at all. So don't you go feeling guilty about making him stress. He's a big boy he can handle it himself!
You do what you have to do & look after that bubba's mum first!
Oh hon that totally sucks. Others have suggested it and I agree, if you really want to birth at that hospital maybe you could loose that little bit of weight. Many woman have to watch what they are eating if they had GD and because of that they don't gain weight or loose some so I'm sure you could too. You've got plenty of time to give it a go anyway. If the other hospital really isn't a problem then maybe your husband will just have to get used to it. Is traffic really the problem? It seems a little irrational to me? Unless you pop your babies out in 30 mins than I don't see what the worry is to drive a little further. So sorry you are having the drama xoxo
Sorry hon, just saw your post about the hospital not accepting you even if you do loose the weight. Maybe you can find out if the hospital policy is to not birth woman of a certain weight on the day they labour or if it's a case of a woman being a certain BMI at 17 week etc Surely there is a loop hole?
Last edited by Cherished; February 7th, 2011 at 05:36 PM.
when i rang the hospital to confirm the bmi, the midwife basiclly yelled down the ph at me, said that the bmi is taken at time of book in and thats what they go with.
but in my other thread, i was 15 weeks and bmi of 47 3 yrs ago and birthed there, this time i was 16 weeks bmi of 46, the only thing that changed was the head of o & g, so i think he changed the bmi, cause i was told told 3 yrs ago it was 49, but when i rang to confirm, all they would tell me was that it was 45 and has been for yrs!
but non of that helps the fighting with hubby.
i know he will calm down, i understand this is not what he wanted
Anila, i couldnt read and not post cause this is p***ing me off!!
not you lol or anyone here but that building built called a hospital...
How dare they do this and treat you like this.... who the h*** do these people think they are?
i would take it further stuff them!! You have birthed there previously and now your just another number? so sad...
You mentioned you birthed there and your BMI was 47 and now your 46 and they are refusing?
Do you have that info anymore? cause that would be a great document to throw in their face and also request a copy of your records to show it obviously hasnt been like this for years...
I would say yeah loose weight but its hard and im not one to say do something that i know is hard when your not pregnant so i couldnt imagine while pregnant..
I think your DH is p***ed that everything has become chaotic but still doesnt excuse him for being so disrespectful...anger or no anger that is no way to talk to the mother of your children and ecspecially while carrying one of them too..
Tell him keep his willy in his pants and satisfy himself next time if thats the case.
And this is definently about YOU!!! the whole thing is about you and will be till you birth that baby.. its not an easy job.. and for a hospital that is meant to be supporting their patients they are doing a great job of ruining a persons life and home life..
Babe chin up and smile, no one or anything will ever change whats happening inside of you, and the idiots that are ruining your precious time, well lets say karma is a b****...
xoxox
I just posted this in my other thread, thought id re post it here too.....
and hubby and i are doing better too
So just when i had given in and taken a deap breath and accepted the hospital decision, made peace with myself and decided to go to another hospital, i get a call from the social worker at the hospital...
She is going to be my advocate, she said she is behind me 200% and is going to try and help me get my answers and get my case reviwed!! Im excited, i know i cant get my hopes up because they can say no, but to finally have someone on my side, someone to help me actaully speak up, i am just so greatful!!
We are meeting on friday to discuss things, meanwhile she has requested that i see my file, so i have to go to records and request a copy from 3 years ago, she is also meeting with the dietition, and told me not to book into another hospital till we get to the 36 week mark and then put preasure on the drs!!!
So i have to work really hard to try to loose a few kilos, and make sure my mind stays in a positive frame!!
Thanks to everyone on bb, i shall keep u all informed
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that totally sucks. Others have suggested it and I agree, if you really want to birth at that hospital maybe you could loose that little bit of weight. Many woman have to watch what they are eating if they had GD and because of that they don't gain weight or loose some so I'm sure you could too. You've got plenty of time to give it a go anyway. If the other hospital really isn't a problem then maybe your husband will just have to get used to it. Is traffic really the problem? It seems a little irrational to me? Unless you pop your babies out in 30 mins than I don't see what the worry is to drive a little further. So sorry you are having the drama xoxo
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