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Thread: Need some advice

  1. #1

    Join Date
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    Default Need some advice

    Well as some of you may know, DF is joining the Air Force. He has his assessment day on 19th May and when he passes that he'll have his fitness test, which has to be no earlier than 8 weeks before he goes to basic training. So working that out, he'll probably start training end july/early august, which is in Adelaide. I'll be around 30 weeks pregnant then. The thing is, training lasts for 10 weeks. So he will finish right when i'm due to have bub. Chances are i will go over, but you never can tell when a baby will come. What am i going to do if he is still in Adelaide and i'm having the baby? He'll miss it, which is desvistating enough, but i have no one else to be a support person during labour and i have to have a close friend or family member(i wouldnt do it alone anyway). I don't have any sisters and my mum can't come in because she hates the thought of me in pain, so she said she would freak out. I have an aunty who used to be a nurse but i'm not going to be comfortable with her in that position. I have no friends i trust enough to be there with me. I have no one! What the hell am i going to do?!


  2. #2

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    I think having a doula or a birth attendant is a fantastic idea in your situation Tegan. I would definately go that option having no family around & if DH was away, in fact I'm going that option with DH in the room! You do get to know them well in advance and its someone who goes through this with you & some will stay with you and do home visits a few times afterwards to check your recovery.

  3. #3

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    Tegan there is a chance they will let DF come back for the birth.
    My brother was allowed leave during his basic training from the Army twice. The first time to visit our really sick Grandfather and the second to attend his funeral 2 weeks later.
    One issue with that is he either may have to stay back if he misses too much (the Army calls it back-squading) or work his can off when he gets back.
    There is further travel involved with your situation than my brothers, though it was still a 4 hour train ride.

  4. #4

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    I was thinking of having a doula with me anyways. But i think the hospital requires you to have a friend or family member with you.

    Sammi - Thanks for letting me know he may be able to get off. But that would mean he'd still probably miss the birth. Since you cant predict that at all and if it was in the middle of the night, there would be no planes for him to come. Also i had a 5 hour labour with Lily so it'd probably be just as short. So im still stuck lol.

  5. #5

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    I don't think the hospital will insist on you having a family member there as such, some people fall pregnant split from the father and have no other support themselves. It happens alot. You meet a doula prior to birth anyway so they have no idea if she is an actual friend or not.

    Just makes sure DF pre-warns the Army that you are due for birth around the end of training. I am sure they will understand, he wouldn't be the first father to be

    Love

  6. #6

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    If you tell your mum, it may be the case that you will be alone, AND in pain. Surly she will give it more thought?? Surly she wouldn't let it be the case that she would leave you to be in pain alone!

    Tanya

  7. #7
    Debbie Lee Guest

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    Tegan - I'm with Tanya. As much as it might make her feel uncomfortable, I think your Mum should be able to set it aside to be there with you so that you're not alone. After all, she's BTDT too...(I'm assuming??).

  8. #8

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    With my mum, i have no idea how she would cope. For eg, when i had a tooth pulled out she was bawling and had to walk out of the room. And she hasn't BTDT unfortunatly as i was born by c-section, so i spose that makes it harder for her to comprehend. So not sure if she would be of any support at all.

    Shannon - I have thought many times of wheather to stay here or go to Adelaide. But with the trainign, even if we lived there we still wouldn't be allowed to see him. Only phone calls are allowed. But i think it would be best for me to stay here and be near family, since i wouldnt be able to see him.

    Still thinking about the doula option, but not sure if we can afford it yet. With the having a family member present, i actualy thought it was compolsory, maybe it isn't.

    Never thought i'd be in this position before, it's really scaring me.

  9. #9

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    Firstly, congrats to Jacob on joining the air force, and good luck to him for his assessment day thingo. .
    During his training he should be able to request leave as you can do that for exceptional circumstances, and I would think they would consider the birth of your child to be an exceptional circumstance, though it would probably be in his best interest to tell them in advance. Well anyway, thats what I got told when I applied to join the Army. And he might go to his training earlier. They hold the recruit training many times throughout the year so he could go to an earlier one maybe.

    I think you should get your mum there if DF cant. I find it a bit funny that she wont be there to support you.

    And having a family member there isnt compulsary, but it would probably make things more comfortable for you.

  10. #10

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    Also don't count on going over. I was 41 with my first and 38/39 with the rest.

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