Simone,
I have been in violent relationships & basically he is trying to brainwash you to feel sorry for him so he can walk all over you. I think you should do exactly as your Dad says, if it means missing out on his child support, well pppft, that is nothing compared to your life & your children growing up in a loving environment & not being shown that abuse & violence is tolerated!
If he goes to Military jail, wewll pppft again he should have thought about that a long time ago...

While you keep silent, you are protecting him & giving him the green light to continually treat you like this, is that what you want your kids seeing?

Sorry it might sound harsh, but I got out before kids came along & I have had all the stories of suicide, killing me, my family, killing my pets etc...
Until I realised each time I gave in, it was telling him it was Ok to treat me like this...

We still have mutual friends, he is in same situation he was in when I left 10+ yrs ago, still on drugs & stil violent & crazed!
He refuses to attend any mutual friends birthdays, kids births etc if he thinks I will be there... Because he knows I have moved on & have a wonderful life & he is still a crazed maniac!

You need to protect your kids, the way your Dad is wanting to protect you... I say Tell all & get him outta your life, your kids will respect you so much more when they are older..

Big Big hugs & truck loads of strength & courage, it will be hard, but once you can look back you will know what true happiness is!!!!