thread: not again... please help, i need some advice!!

  1. #1

    Nov 2004

    not again... please help, i need some advice!!

    Hey Girls
    I need some help. I think im pregnant again. For those out there who are thinking this is a GOOD thing, it is good, just badly timed. I left my abusive husband about 3 weeks ago now, and im about a week late, and its going to take me about another week to get into the docs (home tests have never work 4 me, even when i knew i was pregnant!) I dont know what to do. I went to drop the kids over for their visit the other day, he was suicidal and told me he was going to hang himself. I told him was just attention seeking, and he threw me up against the wall and strangled me, while i had our baby in my arms. I ended up having an asthma attack, and my 2 year old came up and gave me a cuddle. i dont want to press charges, i cant. My dad wants me to go to the coxswains (he's navy) but he will get booted, then i will get nothing (child support wise). And he would prolly go to Holsworthy (military jail) Please help me... i need some opinions/advice

  2. #2
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    WA y WA y A WAy

    Omg are you alright ? i am so sorry i have no advice for you i can't imagine where you are right now emotionally i just hope every thing works out for you

  3. #3
    ♥ BellyBelly's Creator ♥
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    Feb 2003
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia

    Moving to general pregnancy discussion
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  4. #4
    Our castle is now full

    Nov 2004
    Western Australia

    Simone...i dont really know what to say other than im thinking of you...and hope you get through this very difficult time.


  5. #5
    Melinda Guest

    Hi Simone,

    It sounds as though you are in an awfully difficult position. Are you on speaking terms with your ex-husband's family at all? If you are concerned for his welfare (considering he is threatening suicide), perhaps you could explain this to his family so that they can keep an eye on him?

    To be honest, it sounds as though both you, and your children should not be around him ATM if he is being violent. Violence should not be tolerated under any is not safe for you and your children, including the baby if you are indeed PG again. Having said that, I appreciate that it must be an extremely difficult situation to be in, and one that I have not had any personal experience with, so I apologise if my comments are upsetting in any way. I'm just distressed to hear that you are in this terrible situation.

    Is it possible for you to take out an AVO against him, considering his violent tendencies?

    I'm sorry I'm not sure what else to suggest. But I am definitely thinking of you and hoping for a positive outcome for you all.

  6. #6
    ok take 2 of going back to work.....

    Nov 2004
    Giving the gift of life to a friend..

    I have been in violent relationships & basically he is trying to brainwash you to feel sorry for him so he can walk all over you. I think you should do exactly as your Dad says, if it means missing out on his child support, well pppft, that is nothing compared to your life & your children growing up in a loving environment & not being shown that abuse & violence is tolerated!
    If he goes to Military jail, wewll pppft again he should have thought about that a long time ago...

    While you keep silent, you are protecting him & giving him the green light to continually treat you like this, is that what you want your kids seeing?

    Sorry it might sound harsh, but I got out before kids came along & I have had all the stories of suicide, killing me, my family, killing my pets etc...
    Until I realised each time I gave in, it was telling him it was Ok to treat me like this...

    We still have mutual friends, he is in same situation he was in when I left 10+ yrs ago, still on drugs & stil violent & crazed!
    He refuses to attend any mutual friends birthdays, kids births etc if he thinks I will be there... Because he knows I have moved on & have a wonderful life & he is still a crazed maniac!

    You need to protect your kids, the way your Dad is wanting to protect you... I say Tell all & get him outta your life, your kids will respect you so much more when they are older..

    Big Big hugs & truck loads of strength & courage, it will be hard, but once you can look back you will know what true happiness is!!!!

  7. #7
    Breastfeeding mummy extraordinaire

    Sep 2004
    Sydney's Norwest

    Simone, I totally agree with your Dad. I know that it's easy for em to sit here and say that and I know that life will be hard without the extra money but life would be a hell of alot harder for your kids without their mum. Or worse yet you without your kids.

    His threats of suicide maybe just that, threats. His acts of violence to you aren't, they are only too real. You need to protect both yourself and your children, they don't need to grow up remembering these sort of things.

    What Tracy says is right, your kids will respect you so much more in the future if you protect their lives now. I don't want this to turn out bad for you. My gf had different issues with her ex partner and he did the worse thing imaginable to her 12 week old daughter. I have been there to help her through her grief and hard times. I'm sure that your Dad and friends will be there to help you too.

    I wish you so much strength and goodwill. As hard as these steps are to take you have taken the biggest one already by leaving. Don't let this man ruin your life any longer.

    Just my 2 cents worth anyway

    Take care

  8. #8

    Mar 2004

    Simone, I agree with your Dad. I'm sure that you can get payments from centrelink. Is your ex payng child support at the moment? Your priority in this should be yourself and your children. Your ex certainly doesn't make you a priority or teat you with any decency - why should you treat him with kid gloves.
    On a practical level I don't think that you should be alone with him at any time. If you want to drop the kids off or discuss anything please do it with a third person person present preferably in a public place. I don't want to scare you but one of the most dangerous times for a woman in an abusive relationship is when she is trying to leave it. It might be best for now if you take steps to formalise your custody of the children and also for the interim request that he only be granted supervised access.
    I hope that things get brighter for you soon. You are doing the right thing for yourself and your kids. Stay strong.

  9. #9
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Mar 2005

    Simone, i don't have any advise to offer you but i just wanted to say that my thoughts are with u and i wish u the best possible outcome.