Off Putting Comments to First Time Mums

[Deltadawn]

Hello

A BB friend of mine and I have recently been discussing the amount of comments made to first time Mums which can be quite scarey and off putting. Things like "Oh, make the most of your sleep while you can before bubs arrives" and "Oh, it will be the end of your life as you know it" and "Throw out your size 8 clothes, you'll never need them again". They are usually made tongue-in-cheek or just as light hearted passing comments but people dont realise how daunting these comments can be to first timers (and second-timers and third-timers etc). I'm sure you have all heard numerous other comments.

Pregnancy can be a nervous time in itself with body changes, hormone changes, financial changes, relationships changes etc without people having to make comments about how their life will be affected in a negative way once bubs comes along.

If you are organised and can plan ahead,there is no need for your life to be turned upside down like some people suggest. DH, both my boys and I often go out for breakfast/lunch/dinner. We often go out for day trips with no problems and have just been on a week long holiday and numerous friends of mine have been overseas with babies with very few problems if any at all.

Motherhood is such a wonderful time. Challenging? Yes. Busy? Yes. Tiresome? Yes. But I wouldn't change anything I have been through. It has all been a learning curve but what a great and rewarding learning curve it has been!!!

I just wanted to reassure first time Mums-to-be to ignore such comments or take them with a grain of salt. Motherhood will be what you make it

[NaeNae]

yeah i agree but you know even saying its challenging, busy and tiresome is like throwing the same comments out there , its the simple truth

I know what your getting at though.

[Deltadawn]

Thanks Naenae. I thought that when I typed it but I figure everyone knows that it is challenging and busy but not everyone loses sleep or loses their identity etc ... I hope that makes sense.

[Indadhanu]

Not everyone loses sleep Geez, we really lucked out then!

But I know what you mean I try to make sure that if some of those comments slip out (and hey, sometimes they do because I don't want a mum to think that because she has a rough trot with her newborn or baby that her experience is unusual... a non-sleeping baby doesn't require training and it's ok to not feel up there and on track with everything all the time) I always folow up with "but being a mum is the best thing is the world, and even though bonding and love may not happen straight away, when it does you won't believe how firecely you can love and be proud of a tiny little person!". I do always say that a baby throws your life upside down but then I always follow up with, of course, you're adding a new person into the mix, your whole life changes, but its not a bad thing

but I get what you mean. Theres no need for negative comments like "make the most of your life now before you lose it" because you don't lose anything, it just changes.

[Deltadawn]

Well said Leasha and good on you for pointing out the positives!

[*LittleMissSummer*]

The comments that bother me the most are when i say im pregnant to some of my friends i get "oh i never want kids, i hate them" or "why would you want a baby for" and i just think well thats great for you and its a little too late now to not want a baby, but i find it really offensive.

But the comments you said are ones i hear constantly and do find off putting, i know that it won't be always peachy that there will be hard times but im not walking into this blindfolded. I think comments like those a better left with the person, unless they are close friends and relatives and then they most the time dont mean it in a harsh way.

[AliBaby]

Agree Leash. Thats a nice coment to put at the end as well.

I found the worst comment made to me when I was pregnant was by a close gf who said "Why would you want to have a natural birth? It would be so much easier for them to just cut it out for you and then you wouldnt be ruined down there."
I found this to be such a rude and naive (sp?) comment.
And the fact for anyone to question how you would like to birth your own child is out of line. Went home quite uspet that day.