oopppsss..... Two under two was definitely not in the plan
Right so I'm pregnant. HCG test indicates I'm somewhere between 6-7 weeks and I'm having a dating scan next week to get a better idea.
I have very mixed feelings about this pregnancy. It was very unplanned. I've been taking the pill on and off whilst I was trying to get my cycles in order. We've been using condoms when we thought the pill wasn't covered... So much for that theory! I also thought my PCOS would give us a little cover.
I do want to have more children but ideally not until Mitchell was at least 3, ideally 4.
I'm a bit lists person so here goes...
- I already have a baby
My little man is 11 months old and still very much a baby. He is go go go all day. It's like I'm the mum to the energiser bunny. He really doesn't stop. How I'm going to keep up with him and a newborn is beyond me.
- The baby I have can't sleep for s*&t
He is a pretty poor sleeper with frequent night wakings. Only recently have his day sleeps ironed out so it's not all a big drama. I have no idea how I'm going to deal with him being up at night as well as another little one
- We just put our apartment on the market to buy a house
Financially it's not a great time. Only two weeks ago we put our current place on the market to buy a house. We want a yard for Mitchell and somewhere that the cats can get away from him! Whilst the budget can work it will be very tight whilst I'm on unpaid maternity leave.
- Telling the boss
How on earth do I tell work that I'm having another baby?? I will be back at work for around 5 months before I have to go on maternity leave again... I feel really bad about that as it's such a crap thing to do. I have a lot of respect for my boss and she relies on my heaps. Whilst I've been away things have gone a bit pear shaped and I know she was looking forward to me coming back to run the ship again.
- I worry I'm not strong enough to cope
I'm a pretty organised and strong person but I just can't see myself coping with two babies. Some days when Mitchell is having a bad day are awful and by the end of them I'm in tears ready for bed. Thinking of this x 2... ugh.
I don't want everyone to think it's all bad. I have a great husband and lots of great family support from my mum and dad as well as the in laws. It's just that the buck always stops with mum.... Which in this case is me.
So yeah, that's my thoughts. I can't get excited because I'm too tired and I'm scared.
Congratulations hun! xoxox I have no real advice because J was an oopsie baby as well - we were a bit more prepared in that we knew that if it happened we would just deal with it but didn't realise it would actually happen before I got AF back. Anyhoo - it will work, it can work, you somehow adjust and make all the preparations and when that new little one is here you can't imagine life without them in it.
Work is a tricky one, I was the same, went back when DD was 8mths old, was there for all of 4 weeks and told them that I was pg again and would only be working 3 terms max. Awkward but hey that is life and work goes on.
Dealing with the 2 is difficult but again, you just do what you have to do - you cry, you scream, you hug, kiss and love and then do it all over again. I wondered how on earth I was going to be able to love another person as much as I love DD. I just could not for the life of me get it or understand it. Until he got here and then it all made sense. Be gentle with yourself, don't tell anyone until you are ready and congrats again. xoxox
Having been through (still going through) something similar myself, it takes a while to sort your head out. Keep thinking and talking and writing your lists. You’ll get there.
just want to say congratulations, and you can do it!
our first born was 11months old when we found out we were having no2, (original plan was start trying when he was one, thinking it would take forever!) the boys are 19months apart, budget wise, we couldnt afford it, we were living at his dads, me a stay at home mum, he was on job search, taking longer then we thought to get another job. i had no idea how i would manage, but some how i just did, you adapt to the change, and the new bub just kinda fitted in.
now in a simmilar situation again! my dd will be 13 months when bub4 is due, the boys are now 5 and 3.5 they have there ups and downs, but generaly get along. both dd and this bub are whopsies bubs, (both were concived while on the pill, it dosent work for every one!) dd wasnt planed untill next year some time, when ds1 started primary school, but these things happen for a reason.
i love all my babies, even if most are whopsies!!! i think its natural that you feel stressed about it all, after all a baby dose change everything, but if you managed with your first, then you will manage with 2, after all you already know how to deal with a newborn right? the best thing i discovered was, dont try fit your life arround the new bub, make the bub fit in arround you and your routine.
hope this helped!
I am pg with number 3, and even though it was intentional, there are days when I wonder what I was thinking. I wondered the same thing when I was pg with DS2. When you are having a bad day it is very easy to doubt that you will cope with an extra bundle of energy to look after. Sometimes it is really hard, but sometimes it is really amazing, in fact most of the time it is really amazing.
Just because DS1 doesn't sleep now, doesn't mean he won't by the time bub 2 comes along. My DS1 didn't start being a really good sleeper until he was over 18 months, but waking during the night was a rare occurance by the time he was 2. Plus, they usually become happier to be seen to by daddy as they get older so start working on DH doing some night settling as you get closer to having bub so he can look after DS1 if he is still waking and you can focus on baby duties.
Your boss will cope. She will probably feel sorry for herself, but that can't be helped. Try not to let yourself get down about that.
Money will be tight, but at least you won't have 2 kids in a unit. Just trying to look for a positive for you.
Mostly just big hugs to you. It is still early and you are still adjusting to the idea of being UTD when you weren't expecting it. It is OK to feel how you are feeling. Luckily it takes 9 months to cook a baby, so hopefully you will get used to the idea before B day comes around.
Two under two is not easy - but it gets easier. My first was 9 months when we conceived our second, and there are definitely pros and cons. They play together really well, best of friends, a year apart school wise. And you still have some time to work on the sleep. #1 started walking the day before #2 was born...so you still have a bit of time if you have a late bloomer with some things. I also know if people who have had trouble with their #1 children and worried about #2, but the #2 has been a piece of cake so it wasn't as bad as they'd feared.
I won't tell you it's easy - it's intense. A bit like doing an intensive course, rather than taking the traditional year/semester. It's full on for awhile, but the tricky (high maintenance baby) part is all done with all in one hit.
The important thing is to get some good support around you so you can lift your head to breathe regularly and also connect with your partner. That's really vital.
Another thought - a backyard might make a huge difference - we moved after #2 was born, from no backyard to a decent sized one, with a park around the corner and oh my, it's good. If they're crabby, high-strung, go go go, tired but won't rest, noisy, cheeky - send them outside. I can't believe how I survived without a yard. I can't believe the boys did. Find a good yard (maybe with an undercover area so outside's an option even when it rains), and somewhere for a chair/swing for you and baby - your days are sorted. xo
I think that you will cope more than you think.. especially since you do have so much support around you and like they say "never be too scared to say help.."
I've been in your boat. My son was around 4-5 months old when i fell preg with my 2nd and worse timing ever.. my MIL turned her back on us as my Sil who was 17 had only just past 6 weeks before i found out.. and i was only 17 myself..
i was sooooo scared that i actually started considering termination but thank god i wasn't taking it serious.. when he arrived i found that it would work out if you let things fall into place.. and my eldest was the worst sleeper you could meet.. and i mean literally slept for 3 hrs max till he was 15 mths old and then the 2nd one was the same..
i wasn't working but i understand your concerns but i think you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe you could do some casual work till you're ready to stop again...
p.s i was on the pill when i fell preg with my 2nd ds and was taking it like clockwork everyday.. i am as fertile like a rabbit i'm a breeding machine lol my dh just has to look at me and i get preg..!!
just look at the bright side they will be close and will be best friends and will adore each other
just take a step back and take a deep breath and smile cause your worried but you will end up loving the fact this has happened.. its all timing
Last edited by Amity; November 5th, 2010 at 07:26 PM.
: text speak and grammar make for difficulties in understanding
My 2 boys are 18 months apart. I won't lie it is hard work but very rewarding when you see them interact and LOL at each other!! DS1 did not stop walking till 21 months, we have no off street parking so that was hard work for 3 months getting in and out of car with DS2 in close carrier and carrying DS1.
They love each other, DS1 is always giving DS2 cuddles and kisses (often OTT and causes him to knock him over)
BF both is hard work but doable.
I was back at work for 6 months as I worked till 37 weeks.
Just last month I started DS1 in occasional care for 5 hrs 1 day a week to have some time with DS2 and for his socilisation.
to you, i do understand what you're saying as i found myself in a similar situation 8 months ago now.
I have two beautiful boys and when discussing the prospect of anymore children with DH he was pretty certain he was happy with 2 (gender was never an issue for us) and if he was happy i was happy. We couldn't be more greatful for the gifts we have. Then we also very unexpectedly fell pregnant when DS2 was 12 months old. We were in absolute shock.
So begun the worry, stress and guilt of unexpectedly expecting our thrid child. It has been difficult to discuss some of the real feelings that came along with such a 'surprise' as i am very aware of the people around me and especially here on BB and what some have to go through for such an opportunity. There have been many mixed emotions at times and it has been a different pregnancy emotionaly compared to my other two who were 'planned'. But at the end of the day she has chosen us, maybe we were meant to have 3 children and maybe my boys were both meant to be big brothers and have a sister??
Fionaw it's scary when you have your life change direction in a matter of seconds and all of a sudden the plans you thought you had may not work. I too wonder how on earth i will cope, especially on the 'bad days' but i know i will and you just need to have some faith in yourself also and change the 'i dont' think i can do this', into 'wow, it'll be a challenge but i can do this!!'.
You have 9 months to prepare and you never know everything may just fall into place. As for us, your little one has chosen you and now, maybe no one knows why buy he/she does and embrace it as best as you can. You will be a fantastic mother and with the support you described i'm sure you'll provide a life for your little ones that they will treasure forever.
oopppsss..... Two under two was definitely not in the plan
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Be gentle with yourself, don't tell anyone until you are ready and congrats again. xoxox
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