Hi girls,
My name is Saša (pron. Sasha) and I am currently 9 weeks pregnant with my second child. My DD is almost 1 1/2.

Can I have a little dummy spit?

Why do people feel the need to invade your privacy so much when you're pregnant? It's like once you're knocked up, it's not your life anymore, it's not your body and EVERYONE knows EVERYHTING better than you do (even though you have done tons of research, then they'll just say: don't believe everything you read).
I don't drink in the first semester. But after that, if I go out to dinner, I might have a shandy or half a glass of wine. But that's it. It would never add up to more than 1 standard drink per week. I respect people's choice when they decide not to drink at all. It's the safest way to go.

But what really got on my nerves was people criticising me for doing it (my FIL was the biggest culprit) and at the same time telling me how I should book in my epidural already (at about 20 weeks pregnant). So, how is it suddenly alright to put drugs in my body for birth (that are proven to affect the baby), but before that, you've gotta be so careful??? I'm not against epis. I just found this attitude quite hypocritical.

When he heard I was planning a natural birth in a birth centre, he laughed and said: "You won't be able to do it without drugs, it really really hurts, believe me!" BELIEVE ME??? How does he know? How many babies has he given birth to? Well, I was not only able to do it without drugs, I never even for a second felt a need for them. I have to admit, I felt a little smug when I walked into his living room only 4 hours after giving birth (yes, your read correctly, I visited my in-laws on the way home from the birth centre), carrying my healthy baby and feeling pretty good, tired, but otehrwise fine.

I did quit smoking when I first got pregnant. It was easy for me and I haven't felt like taking it up again. But I know some people who just couldn't quit. They have soooo many people chastising them. What's the point? They feel guilty already. All you will achieve by berating them is to make them feel horrible and seek comfort in another smoke. Yes, of course it is better for the baby if the mother doesn't smoke. But what gives anybody the right to judge them? How do they know how much effort this person has put into trying to quit?

And about the "your life is over once you have kids". It is true. The life you had is over. Another much richer life is starting. You can still do the same things you did before. If you want to. But there is another dimension to your life, to your partnership, to everything. People who don't have kids will never truly understand that. People who don't want kids have no chance of even getting close to understanding it.

But to be honest, all these people telling us what we should and shouldn't do are just preparing us for what is ahead of us once our kids are here. If you think they are getting on your nerves now, then brace yourself for how much unsolicited advice and criticism you're gonna get about your parenting style and methods. Everyone is an expert. Especially people who either don't have kids or have had them a long time ago. It's insane. Especially if your methods vary from what is the common current norm. You will be "educated", judged & criticised by virtual strangers. You will have to develop a thick skin. My MIL (who never had a kid, she's DHs step mum) always said to me: unfortunately, children don't come with instruction manuals. I disagree. There are a million manuals out there. But they all disagree with each other.
My father has made one of the most helpful comments when it comes to parenting. But you can apply it to pregnancy, too: "Follow your instincts. They are usually right. If our instincts were that wrong, our species would not have thrived as it has."

Sorry for the rant. But thanks for "listening".

Saša