Sick to death of conflicting advice from patronising OBs

[Honeybee]

OK, I am really annoyed and upset now.

Last Tues I had a big bleed. Scan on Tues afternoon showed bub alive. Scan with Ob on Thurs showed bub apparently fine. I told Ob I had been on bed rest since the bleeding began. He said this was 'ridiculous' and to go and live my life, just don't 'run any marathons'.

So yesterday, feeling fine and having had no bleeding or spotting for almost a week, I went out with DS and my dad. We walked to the train station, caught a train, walked a bit, rested for an hour or so, walked back to the station, caught the train again and then walked home. It was prob 3km of walking, but it was broken up with lots of sitting down.

Yesterday afternoon I got some light brown spotting. It's still there today, just very light brown mixed with CM.

I am quite anxious and worried about it, so I called Obs rooms. My Ob is on holiday (always on bl**dy holiday), midwife said she would ask his partner and get back to me.

So she just called me back and basically told me off for walking yesterday. Obs partner will scan me on Thurs, she said he's not particularly concerned but that I should be on bed rest, that I can only get up to go to the toilet. She said that I am not to go on 'any more 3km walks' and that I should 'behave myself'.

I am fricking outraged and very upset. How on earth am I supposed to reconcile the two completely opposite pieces of advice from the two Obs? I feel so patronised and almost like they're suggesting that it's my fault if anything goes wrong. How am I supposed to be on essentially complete bed rest with a toddler to look after? I didn't head off on a 3km power walk, I caught a train and walked to and from two stations. I feel that I've really been treated unjustly by them.

I am so sick of this pregnancy, the stress and anxiety is overwhelming. I was so traumatised by my miscarriage that I just feel I do not have the resources to cope with this pregnancy, let alone enjoy it. I either want it to work out, or be over now. The longer it goes on the more I feel I'm going to lose it. Everyone is telling me what to do, how can I do the 'right' thing if all the advice is conflicting?

Anyway, just needed to get that out. I think I will have words with my Ob about it when he eventually returns from whatever luxury overseas destination he is at. I will tell Obs partner on Thurs that Ob told me that I shouldn't be on bed rest and that I should live my life, so that's why I went out yesterday.

*sigh*

HB
xxxx

[~clover~]

Hun, I think maybe you should just ignore them both & do what you feel comfortable with. As far as I know, brown bleeding isn't much to worry about. Your walking probably just loosened some old blood from last time. Take it easy, but I think its up to you if you want to be on complete bedrest or not. Long as you don't feel like you're pushing things, I'd say you're ok.
Good luck for the rest of the pregnancy. Hope it all goes smoothly x

[Babyluv]

I am so sick of this pregnancy, the stress and anxiety is overwhelming. I was so traumatised by my miscarriage that I just feel I do not have the resources to cope with this pregnancy, let alone enjoy it. I either want it to work out, or be over now. The longer it goes on the more I feel I'm going to lose it. Everyone is telling me what to do, how can I do the 'right' thing if all the advice is conflicting?

I have also felt like this Honeybee, I can't really give you any advice except that I guess whatever will be will be, it's not your fault and not something you can control. Most m/c occur because of abnormalities, it's the bodies way of saying it's not meant to be. I'm not saying this won't work out because bleeding can be normal in pregnancy, many woman have bleeding and go on to have a perfectly healthy bub. Maybe try and take it easy, but like you said you have a little one to look after, you can't put your life on hold.
I really do know how this horrible waiting game feels, and I am thinking of you, I hope that thurs you get positive news from your u/s and that the spotting goes away.
Thinking of you xo

[onthefly]

Oh dear
It's bloody annoying. Neither of them seems to care overly how you're feeling about things either, and I'm sorry to hear that. You're pregnant - you need care and attention, not stupid rules and fob offs. How can they both be right? - well the can't be, but they can both be wrong. You don't have to justify yourself to either of them - you're an intelligent woman and you know best how you feel. I agree with Clover - you do what you're comfortable with.

Light brown spotting is usually nothing to worry about. All the best

[Honeybee]

Thanks so much for your replies everyone. I've calmed down quite a bit now. I think I'm more inclined to trust my Ob rather than his partner, but I am going to take it a bit easier. The spotting has pretty much stopped now, which is a huge relief. I just can't handle being spoken to like I'm an idiot who's trying to kill her baby. The midwife was telling me today that no matter how many times they scan me, it won't change the outcome of the pregnancy - well no sh*t sherlock, I know that. There's a difference between being highly anxious and being stupid. Humph. I'm so often amazed at how badly doctors and midwives speak to their patients - we are paying their wages after all. Anyway, thanks for reading my vent.

HB
xxxx

[PollyA]

Hey Honeybee,
Very annoying that you could get such conflicting advice and in such an uncaring patronising way.
Once again the medical world not covering itself in glory... but I do feel the need to say (I seem to say this a lot) that I promise not all doctors are so bad.
The truth is that the jury is out on bedrest. Studies have not shown that it helps at all but then it kind of seems kind of sensible so some doctors are reluctant to stop using it. And you're right it lays the burden with you which is not fair...and they should be listening you YOU, taking car of YOU in your pregnacny, not adding to your stress
Also...I think it might be worth discussing some counsellling with your GP. Its covered by medicare now and might help with your totally understandable anxiety.