So confused. i dont know what to do

[SW33TI]

So i found out that i'm 7 weeks pregnant a little over a week ago and went for an ultrasound. Once i saw the little heartbeat flicker i knew i wanted to keep my little peanut. My partner on the other hand didnt attend the ultrasound and has no intention of letting me keep it.

We've been together for 6 years now and have a house together. He has confessed that when i told him of our pregnancy he didnt think 'i dont wanna have a baby' he immediately thought 'i dont wanna have babies with her'

I dont know what to do, im so lost and confused and emotions are just getting me in trouble.

[Santosha]

Oh SW33TI, I can't imagine how confusing this is. And to be honest, as much as I'm sure it might feel 'easier' to have someone tell you what to do, nobody but you is going to know what's right for you, your partner and this baby.

It does concern me to read the words about your partner 'letting' you keep the baby. Of course, his feelings need to be heard and respected, but nobody can or should make you do anything with your body and this baby that you don't want to.

So sorry, would like to say more but gotta run. Will try to come back later.
Until then, huuuuge hugs to you. Be gentle with yourself. It may not seem like it, but you will find a way through this. oxox

[MrsB26]

Big hugs to you - and welcome to BB
Like Santosha said - no one can make you descision for you but we can listen and be here and offer our opinions and experiences. Sounds to me though that you have made up your mind. I agree that your partener cannot 'make you' not have this baby just because he doesnt want to.

Whatever you decide to do, you need to be true to yourself. Sorry, dd has just woken up and i have to go but i will bbl xxx

[MrsB26]

I also wanted to add quickly, do you have a close friend/ family member you can confide in? You could probably do with a good cry and cuddle in real life.

You may also have to consider - as hard as it may be - that this may be the end of your relationship. I am hoping that this is not the case for you and you can both be happy with whatever descision you make. I'm probably judging a bit when i say this and i'm not saying it to make you upset or diss your partner but in my opinion it seems that your relationship may need to be reassed no matter what you do as from what you have said, you may have different expectations of each other for the future considering children

[Cranky Kitten]

Speaking from my own experiences here, it's a decision you definitely need to make for yourself. By all means take his thoughts and feelings into consideration, but at the end of the day you will be the one who will have to live with the decision you make. There is no right or wrong answer.

MrsB is right, make sure you have a few real life support people around you that you can talk to, that will let you cry and rant and do what you need to do. It is one of the hardest decisions you will ever be faced with, no matter what the end choice you make is. Particularly as it sounds like you have very different expectations of the future and what your relationship will be like.

I'm happy to talk with you about how I made the decision for myself and the process I went through to actually have the termination - PM me if you like.

All the best hon, hoping you get the support you need in this confusing time

[diannescruffy]

Congratulations on your pregnancy and welcome to BB. No one can make you do anything, it is a choice you need to make. Wishing you all the best.

Regards,
Dianne

[beckoes]

Just wanted to add to the hugs.

And echo what has been said, this is a decision noone else can make, not even you partner, only you. He cant 'no let' you have the baby.

What ever you do, i wish you all the best and send you love and hugs and welcome to BB.

[LionsandBears]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry to hear you're in this difficult position. It's your body, your choice and I hope you have the support you need whatever choice you make.

He has confessed that when i told him of our pregnancy he didnt think 'i dont wanna have a baby' he immediately thought 'i dont wanna have babies with her'

To me, this is the most telling part of your story. He doesn't want to have children with you. Whether he wants them or not in the future, it seems you're not the woman he'd choose to be the mother of his children. This says everything I'm afraid and I think you need to work this through. I know in my case, I've been in relationships (with genuine love involved) with men I would not have as the father of my kids. None of those relationships went anywhere. how could they? I wanted kids, but not with them.

It sounds like you want children. Did you guys discuss having kids anytime in your relationship? I hope you can work things out, but it sounds like there's 2 major decisions in your life. 1) whether or not to have the baby and 2) whether or not to stay with a man who doesn't want to have kids with you.

I wish you well

[MrsBexie]

oh hun Firstly, your partner cannot force you to terminate. YOU have to make that decision because it is your body, your baby... You don't want to regret making a huge decision like that because your partner wants you to. You have to be completely 100% at peace with whatever you decide.

Your partner saying he doesn't want kids with you, that to me says that maybe it is not the best relationship to be in? If he wants kids eventually but not with you, that to me indicates that the relationship isn't what it should be. I may be completely wrong, but maybe this is a good time to evaluate your relationship, where you are both at and if this is possibly not working anymore?

You will find so much help on belly belly, so please do not hesitate to post as much as you need, ask questions, get support...

and CONGRATULATIONS!!

[KalinaJane]

Hi, firstly welcome to BB and congratulations

I know exactly how you feel (hug) I had the same issue with my ex partner.
We had baby number 1 in 2007 but had a lot of issues in our relationship (domestic violence, him going to prison etc) and I had to get my life in better order for my little boy so we broke up but being so young (15) I thought he was the one I loved (I know now that I was so niave(sp?) and have since opened my eyes). After he got out of prison in September of 09 we ended up back together for a few months and in that time I fell pregnant with my dd.
When I told him all he said was 1.it's not mine and then when he finally knew it was then came 2.ABORTION!!! was all that he told me. I was heart broken that that's how he felt. I was living with him and my brother and his gf at the time all whom agreed that abortion was the best option but I was dead set on having the baby and as soon as it was mentioned I left him knowing that it would not do me or my children any good being around him if that's how he thought.
He wasn't there for any of my midwife appointments nor the birth of my beautiful girl and hasn't wanted to be in her life since but will still have contact with our son. When my dd was 6 weeks old I met up with an old friend and there was fireworks almost instantly. My dd is now 8 months old and my dh has taken her on as his own.

I'm not pushing you into a decision about leaving your partner but I do agree with the others who have said that your relationship may need a reassessment and you need to do what's best for you and your baby whatever that might be.
BB is a great place for support but do you have someone close you can talk to about this? I know my mum was a great help for me.

[SW33TI]

oh wow i wasn't expecting so many replies. Thanks

When i posted this i had just woken up and was emotional luckily i can write this now without tearing up lol.

This pregnancy was very unexpected due to me being told I will find it difficult to have babies. The day I found out i was pregnant is the same day i lost my job. So hitting my partner with both these bits of news was a huge shock for him. he's since taken back the 'i dont want to have kids with you' comment.

To elaborate on our relationship a little more. 3 months ago i left my job and packed my apartment up and moved up here from Wollongong because the BF was sick of the travel. We had previously lived together 3 years ago in Orange but i fell ill and moved home to family and have until recent been travelling to see him. We're both only 24 and until my losing my job and finding i was expecting a bundle of joy our friends would get jealous over how in love we were

Now thats been said, i dont have a real support group my 'family' disowned me once i had both my younger brother and my sisters father sent to prison (both for valid reasons) Now that I have moved away I only have my partner to back me up as i have not quite met anyone on my own here and I leave his friends to be his support.
I fully understand this is my decision, i just wish it wasn't a hard one to make being in my predicament of being told i would find it difficult to conceive.

I thank you all for taking the time to read and reply. It really means alot.

[emc2]

I was told that I had PCOS (I don't!) and would need IVF..I usually use birth control, but this time any pills, the ring were making me ill to the point I needed Maxalon. Partner would not use condoms. I had only known him for 4 months around the time I would have fallen pregnant.

We still have a lot of issues, but I realised early on I could do it all myself if I have to, so that is my worst case scenario...which hasn't quite happened yet.

Take care