I feel really terrible! I don't know who to tell or where to run due to a fear of being judged and looked down upon. I've been really stressed lately and finding that I'm just not 'happy' with much these days... I feel guilty about the fact that i'm not excited about the pregnancy, i feel guilty for not being able to give up smoking...i feel guilty about EVERYTHING! And so, last week, i had a binge drinking session....where i drank 2 bottles of red wine and 3 beers! I couldn't stop, i was enjoying being worry free...but that was only temporary of course...and here I am, feeling even worse....I'm pulling out my hair right now. My anxiety is so high at the moment... I keep reading online about 'fetal alcohol syndrome'....and I fear i may have caused my unborn baby to suffer this. I care so much for my baby, and I wouldn't dare consider doing the binge thing EVER AGAIN...I WISH i could turn back time....

I have no support, I keep fearing the worst, and i know i wouldn't be able to live with myself if i were to have caused my baby to have FAS.... I want to curl up and die right now, just so i don't have to feel this way.