What to ask at my hospital appointment

[TeniBear]

I've no idea what kind of things the hospital offers, I can't really find much information on it... I know I won't actually "ask" these questions (I'm hopeless face-to-face) but I'm going to hand over the list of questions and they can answer what they can there and I'll find out when they can get answered.

I really don't want to give birth there, so I'm looking for any way I can get out of that. That's why I want to ask so many questions about their policies etc., so I can do so and give good reason. but if they surprise me and they are able to do things "my way" then maybe I'll change my mind.

Grrr... this all comes back to me not knowing what to expect. I really need someone to hold my hand through this whole thing, to tell me what's meant to happen. What's going to happen. I'm SICK of being in the dark!

[Fleur]

Why don't you want to give birth there? Is there a reason, like have you heard they are not supportive of something in particular? Or is it just a preference?

WRT telling you what will happen...I'm not sure if you mean with the basic admissions etc or with your labour? I didn't go through all the info with my hossie until about 16-18 weeks I think, which was when I found out average length of stay, what I needed to bring etc.
If you are wanting to know what will happen during the labour, they will probably tell you that they can't tell you until it happens - every labour is different & there is no way of knowing ahead of time what exactly will happen. You have to be prepared to a certain extent to go with the flow.

It is good though to ask questions such as standard procedures when you arrive in labour, the availability of water for pain relief, how they will handle certian situations - it might give you a better idea of what to expect from them in that situation and whether they are likely to support your choices when you do make them. The way they answer your questions will probably give you an idea of what they are like, too.
So you might not get exact answers as to 'what will happen' but you should be able to get answers as to 'what will happen IF'..., and an idea of their overall 'feel' if that makes sense.

Don't be afraid to ask questions! There is nothing at all wrong with that! If it's easier, maybe break them up a bit so you don't have to get through them all in one go. You could ask the questions that really matter first & when you have made your decision then go through the rest later.

I hope it all goes well for you & you get some answers & things become a bit clearer for you

[TeniBear]

No, I don't mean during labour, I mean before all that. What's meant to be happening now, and the next 25 or so weeks...

It is more a preference thing, I want to have my baby at the best hospital I can get. I don't want to be shafted to another hospital just because they don't foresee any problems and I currently live closer to it. Almost makes me wish I was high risk, and it makes me so sad to say that. Isn't it enough that I'm a first-time mum and I'm scared? And how the hell do they know I'm not high-risk? They haven't even checked! How do they tell?

I don't know anything about the care at the Northern, whereas I've heard so many wonderful and supportive things about the Mercy and the Royal Women's. I don't have anything telling me the Northern is "good enough." I know it's not the same, but I've been in their Emergency ward so many times over the past couple of years, and the doctors there leave a lot to be desired.

Maybe I'm expecting too much too early in my pregnancy. Maybe soon I'll be sick of seeing doctors, or whoever the hell it is I'm meant to see before I have the baby... Where's the emotional support? Or any support?

[LimeSlice]

It is scary being a first time expectant mum!
It is your choice where you give birth hun.. Im not sure what the rules are over there anymore for these things, but you can ask as mamy questions NOW as you want.
I would suggest that you contact the midwife at the antenatal clinic and ask her the questions. Go into the hospital and ask for a copy of their maternity policies if you want to.
Check this out: Northern Health
If will give you some info on the hospital and you can go form there.

I hate to be negative, but the kind of support you are looking for - it doesn't come from the hospital. It comes from the mothers around you, from family and friends, from the fabulou scommunity of women here on BB.
It is hell scary where you are now, and there is the emotional support you are after out there, just not probably where you are expecting to find it.

Go out and look for a Calm Birth class, Lamaze classes, go to birth workshops - your local Maternal Child Health Centre should be a great place to start to look for these too.

Ask as many questions here as you can possibly think of - nothing is silly and nothing has not been asked or wondered by another mum somewhere - there is so much knowledge and support here for you to tap into. I fear though that you will not find this kind of support form a hospital clinic, they sinply have not the time nor resources to spend on Pastoral Care of antenatal patients.

Google Antenatal + birthing classes + Melbourne and you will find some great resources.


The other short answer to your question as to what should be happening now...you do anything and everything you can to prepare your body and your life for the arrival of your baby.
Yoga, Plates, classes, CalmBirth, HypnoBirth, research the pain relief options available - pethadine, epidural, gas, etc, plan your nursery and just generally enjoy your pregnancy!

HTH - what you are feeling is totally normal and I think just about every first time mum feels the same fear and anxiety.

[TeniBear]

I hate to be negative, but the kind of support you are looking for - it doesn't come from the hospital. It comes from the mothers around you, from family and friends, from the fabulou scommunity of women here on BB.

I didn't read that as negative at all The only "friends" I have who have kids are ones I've lost contact with, mostly by choice, and most of my family don't know yet, so I am feeling pretty alone. Even when my family do find out, my guess is that they won't be able to relate anyway - all my cousins are much older than me and the ones that have young kids now started late. The ones who started young have kids older than me... Two of my cousins are even grandparents! For now, yeah, I'll lean on all you lovely BB ladies

Ahhhhh I'm so confused, I don't even know what's bothering me, really... I'm a lostie lol

[Daytona's Mummy]

I was just as confused as you are right now when I was 1st pregnant with this baby! I honestly felt like It was my first pregnancy all over again! Thats how I came to find this lovely place (BB) and the wonderful world of knowelege and support!
In the end, I had to pretty much demand information from my ob's receptionist about what appointments, when.. I'm still taking a list of questions to every appointment, but at least now, I know what tests and appointments are due when, Most other things I have learnt from stalking the forum and especially my BB group.
I know what it is like to have your heart set on something, (like which hospital you want to go to) I wonder if it would work to tell them you want to go to the other one because you will be moving at some time during your pregnancy and you will have to go past this one to get to the one they want you at???
Have a look for a birth centre near you, they will give you heaps more support, A doula in your area would also be a big help and would proberbly have a pretty good idea to guide you through till your on your knowelege feet (so-to-speak)
Good luck, and as the others have said, just enjoy your pregnancy , everything will soon become alot clearer to you!!

[Fleur]

I hate to be negative, but the kind of support you are looking for - it doesn't come from the hospital. It comes from the mothers around you, from family and friends, from the fabulou scommunity of women here on BB.
It is hell scary where you are now, and there is the emotional support you are after out there, just not probably where you are expecting to find it.

Go out and look for a Calm Birth class, Lamaze classes, go to birth workshops - your local Maternal Child Health Centre should be a great place to start to look for these too.

Ask as many questions here as you can possibly think of - nothing is silly and nothing has not been asked or wondered by another mum somewhere - there is so much knowledge and support here for you to tap into. I fear though that you will not find this kind of support form a hospital clinic, they sinply have not the time nor resources to spend on Pastoral Care of antenatal patients.

Google Antenatal + birthing classes + Melbourne and you will find some great resources.


The other short answer to your question as to what should be happening now...you do anything and everything you can to prepare your body and your life for the arrival of your baby.
Yoga, Plates, classes, CalmBirth, HypnoBirth, research the pain relief options available - pethadine, epidural, gas, etc, plan your nursery and just generally enjoy your pregnancy!

HTH - what you are feeling is totally normal and I think just about every first time mum feels the same fear and anxiety.

:yeahthat: all of the above!

ok i get it now, I understand your worries.... you do sound a bit lost
It is scary having a baby & what you are feeling is very very normal, but I'm afraid I agree with LS - you won't get what you are looking for from a hospital (although you might get lucky & find a really nice midwife who will provide some comfort & ease a few worries).
A doula is a great idea, as are calmbirth classes if you can.
If not, there is BB

I'm not too sure what the rules are WRT what hospital you go to. It might be worth giving the Mercy a call & asking what happened to the forms you sent?
If you are going to feel better about things going there then that is probably going to be better for you - but then again, hopefully when you have your appt next week & you ask your questions you will get some reassurance & feel a bit better about things anyway.

Don't know if that made sense, I'm a bit foggy this morning but sending you hugs - I'm sure as time passes & you start to get a bit more info from whichever hospital you go to, you'll feel better about things.

ETA - with regards to if you are high risk or not -it's probably better for you to be treated 'normally' , I think it is better for them to assume you are NOT high risk unless there is a reason to think otherwise ITMS? Try not to worry too much

[HollyC]

I understand you are feeling a bit lost. My hospital seems to engage it's mothers to be a lot more, but being private I suppose they need to provide the service or people would go elsewhere.

All that being said, it isn't until 20 weeks that they really start to get into the having a baby stuff. Before that it is all just routine pregnancy checks and after 20 weeks there is more info about giving birth and care and all that.

So at your next appointment, maybe rather than asking your long list of questions you could just ask if there is a time when they go through all that. I would like to think that they intend to and maybe they just aren't up to that with you yet.

But first of all I'd be asking why you have ended up at a different hospital from where you wanted to go. It really seems to be bothering you so best to get some answers.