We're not LTTTC, we did start TTC beginning of last year however we are a same-sex couple so our circumstances are our own doing. That said, we did hope when we first had DD of an age gap of 2-3 years. I never wanted an age gap of more than 3 years, but finances and work circumstances pushed it back, and I had to be ok with possibley 3 years, maybe 3.5, and then when pregnancy didn't happen last year I then had to be ok with a 4 year age gap. DD will be 4 years 3 months when this little one is born in a few weeks. At first I was disappointed. I came from a big family, my sister and I were 18 months apart and I liked that, we always had someone to play with (and fight with LOL). I was so angry with myself that DD had missed out on that closeness and having to be alone in her early childhood, play by herself, not have someone to share and giggle and whisper with. I am slowly becoming ok with it although still very sad for her, she is a wonderful age to be a big sister and is very sypathetic to when I need to rest and has helped pick out a lot of things for her little sister, so while I am sad it didn't happen 2 years ago and that she doesn't have a small age gap, she is hitting her 'perfect age' in relation to being a big sister. (I'm just hoping she can grow out of her 4yo tantums and attitude in the next few weeks LOL!).
I did struggle with the thought that another one might not happen, but again that was mostly circumstance. I was worried that we might never be able to afford more cycles, and then while we had some issues conceiving last year, they were fairly normal and related to time (and some PCOS and hormone issues) which is fairly minor in comparison to most.
I completely understand where you are coming from!
We were LTTTC-ers before our first baby and because of that decided small age gaps were going to be better for us. We had our three boys in 3 years. We decided to continue on for baby #4 but unfortunately we had another stint at LTTTC and I had 4 miscarriages. Im 13wks pregnant now and my youngest son will be 4y1m when baby is born. We NEVER intended of having a big age gap like that at all and I have so many reservations about it, especially with the other kids being so much older. I wish it were different but we got dealt the hand we did and Im just going to hope for the best. I keep trying to remember the perks of a larger age gap vs the smaller ones we had before but its a very scary prospect, isnt it?
I was terrified of it. I'm not LTTTC, but I had a molar pregnancy and enforced wait before TTc again. Before I even had number 1, I was just so worried about the emotional impact of not being able to control that age gap. But I tried to be very zen about it all, when thinking about number 2, and let the universe decide when the time was right. As a result, weve ended up with a much smaller age gap than I'd ever imagined or planned, but that's just how it was. I'm so sorry that you're in this place
There are pros and cons to every age gap, and none is perfect. When you get that rainbow baby in your arms, timing won't matter a scrap. It will be a golden moment no matter how far apart your kids are. But I will cross my fingers that it's sooner rather than later for you.
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