How do I tell my sister, who has been TTC for over 12 months that we are pgnt again?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as the last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings and when I see my whole family tomorrow they are all going to know as I don't think I'll be able to hide it like I was hoping to.
Joy.
What a tough one. I think you need to be just be up front and tell her and maybe tell her before you tell anybody else. You certainly don't want her to hear it on the grapevine and I know I wouldn't want to be the last to know in your family/friends group. I know that it will be difficult for her, but I am sure being your sis she will be equally happy. I really don't see you avoiding hurting her feelings (sorry) cos it is such an emotional rollercoaster ride ttc.
Maybe you and her can get together for a girly day and 'break' it to her that way.
Good luck.
I would suggest tell her alone, and before everyone else. This will give her time to absorb the news and perhaps cry for a bit in peace and private before she feels obligated to be smiley and happy in front of people.
Yes, she will be upset, but she'll be upset for herself, not for you. I'm sure that in time she'll be able to be happy for you.
I would also tell her before everyone else. We were TTC with Kaitlyn for exactly 12months so I know how hard it can be ..but if my sister had fallen pregnant I would have been really happy for her ..of course a little envious but not in a bad way.
i agree with the other ladies - it would be better if you told your sister a little before everyone else - maybe try and get together with her today or something? admittedly, she may struggle a little when you first tell her, but it's not that she's unhappy for you, it's more that's she struggling to come to terms with her own emotions
Don't try to "spare" her by not letting her know - it will just make it harder because she'll feel left out of things. good luck hun
ditto - tell her before everyone else. Will give her time to deal with it in her own way. If you tell her along with everyone else - she will either be upset (cry), and walk off to get her own time, which if it was me, i would then feel foolish and regret spoiling your moment, or, B - will feel like she has to fake it.
Dont tell everyone first, without her, otherwise, she will feel left out, and everyone else will 'stop talking' when she walks into the room, which will make things worse.
I watched my sister have 2 more babies and 2 m/c before we had Jack and although I was etremely jelous of her I love my nephews to bits
as the others said maybe break the news to her privatly and in person, there will be tears but there will be ones of happiness as well thos long term TTC would never wish what we go thru
THankyou everyone, I told her yesterday, in private with her husband and mine there. She cried and smiled and then quickly left. From your words I understood so much more what to expect. I told her that I could accept that if she was sad and didn't want to talk about it that was fine and that I wouldn't talk about it unless she asked. My mum and dearest SIL are good support for here. It hurts that I can't be a support yet but hoping she will come around in a while.
One last question.... should I offer to let her come to scans etc.... ??? or would that be too much like a slap in the face???
i'd probably personally feel that was a bit much, but it really depends on your sister and how she comes around. if she comes to you and becomes really involved, then take it at the time of your scan - but i'd probably not go there - just ask her if she'd want to see pics/video after - she may decide herself that she wants to be there as extra support for you - it's easier to deal with your emotions when it's not "in your face" and you have a hance to walk away without disrupting something IYKWIM?
i'm glad you were able to tell her without the rest of the family there - admittedly it was a quick discussion yesterday, but chances are, once she's had a chance to get used to the idea she'll come back to you and talk about not only your pg, but how she's feeling
good luck for your pg joy - i really hope it's a happy and healthy one, and that your sisster is able to be involved.
When I first fell pregnant with my son nearly 8 years ago, my 2 best friends, and my sister n law were all trying to conceive as well. Two were trying and one was on IVF.
Now one of my best friends took the news so badly that we ended our friendship then and there, as she was angry towards my pregnancy. Low and behold she fell pregnant with her one and only ever child 2 months later. My IVF friend finally fell pregnant one year later with Twins.
The most touching story is the story of my best friend. Her and I fell pregnant at the same time in 1999. Then she lost her baby. Nine years on we are still best friends, her and her DH are still TTC and sustain a pregnancy, I have now had 2 children with one on the way. She has had many friends fall pregnant, and have babies around her. Its still hard and she deals with it in her own time, but I keep her as involved as possible.
This baby is going to be the godchild of her and her husband. She lives down south but I email her scan shots, and we talk on phone and IM all the time. If possible she may even come in to see me have the baby. Whilst there is life there is hope. We all pray that some day she will get her precious angel in her arms....but in the mean time the worst thing I could do is not involve her in my pregnancy as normally as possible. She knows that currently her Gyno is working through her PCOS, and her TYPE 2 Diabetes. She is on Metformin and Chlomid. And there is hope.
Another quick story....my SIL had been struggling for 5 years to conceive with sever PCOS. We both went on a diet late last year....When my AFP was late, I did a test and found I was pregnant. I was so worried about telling her. I told her pretty much straight away, and apologised & I also said I wish it was you guys......That afternoon I had a phonecall, she was crying and told me to come over quick. She was standing in her garage with a positive pregnancy test, and didnt believe it.
So now there are four days between her and I...we are both 21 weeks.
I just think the worst thing that you could do is not treat her as normally as possible.
as far as asking whether she wants to come to the scans - if you ask, she may feel that she should oblige, but will probably wonder whether you are asking her because you really want her there (regardless of whether she was TTC or not) or you are asking her out of pity - and that is hard to take.
Joy,
Did you ask her to come to the scans of your DS? If so, then by all means ask again. Otherwise, i wouldn't think it would be a great idea. It could come across as pitying and she might feel oblidged to come when she might not want to.
I think you did the right thing telling her before everyone else.
I have found that a few of my friends have really ignored me now that their bubs are born and they know about our TTC struggle. It makes it really hard after the baby is born. I feel like they don't want to ask me over for fear of offending me and things are a bit strained. It makes me feel even more like there is a club and i'm just not being allowed entry. But in saying that i do have lovely friends who treat me totally normally and that's cool.
Wishing you a H&H pregnancy.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Its great to have people be honest about something that is really close to their hearts so thanks heaps for sharing, your collective wisdom has enabled me to avoid many possible mistakes.
My choices are to not invite her to the scans, and I will treat her as I always do. I won't tip toe around her but I will also try to be sensitive and keep discussing with her the journey she and her DH are on at the moment like I have been for the past 12 months.
Thanks heaps, your comments and thoughts are muchly appreciated.
Joy, I'm so glad that our thoughts and experiences are enabling you to help your sister through her struggles. It's not an easy path to travel, and everyone having to go through this process needs as many supportive friends as they can find.
You may just find that if you are sensitive and caring towards your sister with regards to her struggles, she may just find it that bit easier to cope with your pregnancy. There is no guarantee, however, and there will always be good days and bad days for her. The only thing I have to add is that as much as possible, you should let her guide how things go - talk when she wants to talk, etc.
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How to tell my sister???
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