PALTTTC ironically makes being pregnant very stressful

[Jade]

Hi All,

(Thanks Monnie for suggesting I post here).

After reading many of your stories, I feel like I have had it easy (only seriously trying for two years...). I am so happy for all of you who have had success after a long time ttc, and send babydust (so american ) to all those still trying. Even after two years, it dictated my every waking/sleeping thought.

Now that I am pg, you would think that I would be feeling nothing but joy and elation. And although I am feeling both those things, I am also feeling fear and anxiety. I am so scared about the 'M' word (the stats are horrible) that it has started to consume me as much as actually getting pregnant did!

On a brighter note, I am so thankful to find out I can actually get pg, and I feel so blessed to be in this position. I am due on 6/03/08 which makes me 5wks and 5days pg. I have sore bbs, but no other symptoms as yet.

I am so excited, nervous, anxious, happy, disbelieving... all at once.

Hugs and love to all.

[monnie]

Hey Jade,

Welcome!!!

I know exactly what you mean...and you'll find that all of us here at PALTTTC have exactly the same feelings...

Excitement...absolutely...but also great anxiety...

The good news is it gets easier...everyday is a new milestone...the way I got through it was just to think with every new day "this is the furtherest I have ever got" and that helped alleviate some of the anxiety...

And there's lots of wonderful encouragements along the way...seeing the heartbeat for the first time (even though the baby looks like a blob!)...seeing the fully formed baby at 13 weeks scan (it's amazing!)...seeing how much the baby has grown at the 19 week scan...feeling your first flutters...then your first kicks...then the hiccups...watching your belly grow and grow and GROW!!!

It's all great...there's lots of blurgh stuff too (which we have just been talking about in the PALTTTC monthly thread...I'll add the link for you!)...and it's really important for us LT-ers to feel like we can grumble about the 'downs' of pregnancy as well as the amazing 'ups'...things like morning sickness, aches and pains, anxiety, etc...

But ultimately...it's a great miracle of life...and an exciting ride!

I was like you too...only had sore BBs for the first bit (I used to keep pinching my nipples just to make sure they were still sore...LOL!!!) Nausea kicked in at about 9 weeks...and thankfully left by about 14 weeks...

Anyway...wishing you a wonderful pregnancy...so thrilled for you!

Here's the link to the monthly PALTTTC thread...

Pregnancy after Long Term TTC - June 2007 #2

[Willow]

Yep, I felt/still feel the same way. And my last prg ended in a m/c at 12 weeks so safe to say I've been a nutcase for the past 25 weeks!!

I think the anxiety is normal in any pregnancy, but when you've been trying so hard for so long, there's even more riding on it.

Good luck! I hope posting here on BB will make the journey easier on your poor nerves! It has for me!

[Jade]

That's exactly right - not only am I fearing the potential loss (which hasn't even occurred, thank heavens), I am also fearing the thought of having to return to the heart-wrenching journey through inferetility. I feel so excited about finally being pg, but also so relieved not to live my whole life around getting pg.

Willow - I am so sorry for your loss. 12 wks would be devastating (just when things are looking hopeful...). But I am so happy to hear that you are now well into a healthy pregnancy and I wish you and your dh all the best of luck and love going forward.

Monnie - your journey (I have since 'tracked' you!!) is very inspiring. I am really happy for you and your dh. You are truly deserving of your impending arrival and i hope you enjoy every minute of it (especially the countdown...)

[sushee]

Congratulations Jade and welcome. I have to admit to being another who took a long time to firstly believe that I was actually pg, and then to relax and enjoy it. It didn't come easy, not for me or my DH and I still joke about how we didn't buy anything for baby until I was over 20 weeks pg, and we refused to pick up our baby furniture until I was 32 weeks on.

Then I had the baby and even then, for a woman who has had 3 children previously, I found myself to be an anxious, perfectionist mum and I put terrible stress on myself worrying about every cough and sniffle Charlie had. I would wake up and go to his room and hold my finger under his nose while he slept to make sure he was still breathing, I would watch for reactions to different foods, I would take him to the MCN every month to have him weighed.

He's almost 15 months now and I have to say I'm finally settling back and enjoying motherhood. As much as I regret not having been more casual and relaxed, and able to enjoy my pg and his first year more, I do think this comes with the territory of being a LTTTCer. After waiting for so long to finally have your baby, you're always worried that the happiness isn't going to stay. But it does stay. Took me a while to realise that it does, and you're worth the happiness you're feeling!

[Willow]

It didn't come easy, not for me or my DH and I still joke about how we didn't buy anything for baby until I was over 20 weeks pg, and we refused to pick up our baby furniture until I was 32 weeks on.

Sush, I am the same! Brought a bassinet for my pram about 2 weeks ago (so about 23 weeks) and won't even consider starting on the 'nursery' until at least 30 weeks! It's a shame it can't be different, but I think you're right, it comes with the territory (both for PALTTTC and PAML).

[Ltl Panda]

Congratulations Jade

as Monnie mentioned, I too take each and evry day as a blessing. I am only 8 weeks 2 day and see it as a miracle at the fact that we got so far.
Take care hun, some of the ladies here are amazing and their experience and advise is one of a kind, just pop by and let us know how you are going.

[Jade]

Sushee, it's so true what you said about not even believing you are pg. When I rang Dennis Price's rooms (OB) to enquire, she asked me how many weeks pg I was, and I was v. embarrassed because i had never actually verbalised 'i am pg'. i kind of feel like i'm not 'properly pg' because it is such early days. so when i finally said to her (after a stilted silence), 'i'm six weeks', i was shocked as anything when she said why did you leave it so 'late' in the pg to call our office - he's v. busy!!! i'm thinking to myself, 'late... LATE.... this is still just a figment of my imagination... i'm just at the using faulty pee-on-a-stick-tests-stage (i'm going to have to write letters to every company that produces these things because they are all coming up with two lines... there's a faulty poas test eperdemic). Late????? i'm still trying to sort out the confusion at the pathology lab that incorrectly gave me a pg woman's hcg reading!!!'

[monnie]

I know exactly what you mean Jade...

In the first stages of pregnancy, it was like I was felt so embarrassed even saying the word pregnant...it was like I felt that being 6 weeks pregnant, was only being a 'little bit' pregnant...but guess what...YOU'RE PREGNANT...there's no such thing as only being 30% or 40% or 70% pregnant...you're either pregnant or not!!!

Even now, I find it hard to get my head around the fact that the person I see in the mirror with a blossoming (okay...let's be honest...BIG!) belly...is me!!!

Still feels surreal...

It's such a journey of discovery...well deserved after such a journey of LTTTC disappointment...

[smegs]

Congratulations Jade, and thanks for sharing your thoughts, I feel so much better after reading this thread (probably should have read before starting mine, but I was in a panic). It's great to know that you guys are feeling the same thing, like I keep saying 'I am only 6 weeks, very early days', as if being 6 weeks is not really pregnant at all.
It's just so scary after trying for so long to actually be pregnant (and not through the fertility clinic!). I think I am just scared to get too happy in case I am let down again.