Pregnancy after Long Term TTC - #4 2009

[sammiejam]

Hey girls,

Big hugs to you all.

Wow, so many of here atm, its great! Makes it hard to do personals though, right? As I am reading all of your replies I am sympathising and laughing and hoping you continue to do well.

AFM- well, I am in a weird place right now. I cant actually accept I am pregnant. Last night I convinced myself I had a blighted ovum (spelling?) and that I was going to suffer horrible disappointment when I go for my first scan. My FS is going away on holiday (how dare he?!?) so I have to wait until I am 8w3d's before I will get to see him and I just know I am going to torture myself until then. I woke up this morning as sick as a dog and I am still in my dressing gown. I did manage to shower and wash my hair though. Big whoop, I know. I am turning into a couch potato.

I feel so ... seperate/detatched from everything. Like its not happening. I know that I am not allowing myself to become attached because it will DEVISTATE me if there is something wrong. We have all our hopes pinned on this pregnancy which is bad. I guess I am just struggling to believe this whole thing can really work after all our disappointments in the past. All this doctor/scientist/mixin' up babies in the lab thing. Sure, it works for other people, just not me - thats what my internal dialogue has been for the last god-knows-how-long. Its hard to let go of that internal back chatter all of a sudden ...
Oh well. Either there is a baby in there or there isnt, guess only time will tell .

Ok, enough whinging from me. Spose I better think about getting dressed. I feel guilty as hell as all my friends are at work and I am now a lady of leisure. Everyone keeps emailing me asking if I am bored yet. Ummmmm HELLZ NO! I am lovin' it. So far anyway