The other day I was thinking about how everyone writes a birth story, and well, I was thinking about our upcoming one, doodling on paper and what I came up with (don't worry we have not given birth yet....) was in fact our TCC story..
Thought I would post it here for you all to read if you want to - but warning it is veeeeery long, so you'll need a cuppa!
Thanks for reading it!
How I came to be!
Well, where to start…..
I guess at the beginning. My hubby and I got married a couple of years ago, after 10 years together. It was a beautiful day, and we had the best honeymoon indulging in our joint passion of skiing. 5 weeks in Europe – 3 weeks of it skiing!!
Shortly after returning from our honeymoon, we decided to start trying for a baby. I figured in my surgical career there was never going to be a good time nor was I getting any younger (I was 30 then), and so now was as a good a time as any. So, with silly giggles and tingles of excitement that we were about to undertake this ‘adult’ thing, we pottered off to do the deed… a lot.
We never had any expectations of falling pregnant on the first go or anything, instead thinking that 6 months was going to be the least time it was going to take. We both thought that that was a realistic goal. Well, sometimes things just don’t go according to plan, so month, after month of BFN’s went by, and well, we were beginning to wonder… And then, amazingly, I fell pregnant (12 months after trying). Shaky hands, eyes full of tears, and that rottenly amazing pee stick with two pink lines. My hubby and I stared at it in amazement. We were pregnant!! The exhilarating feeling of achievement was the best ever, and there is no other feeling like it….
Sadly, a week later my period came. The let down was intense, and neither of us could comprehend being back to square one again. But, on a positive note we figured at least we now knew that we could conceive naturally. That was a big step forward. Over the next 8 months, we had 2 or maybe even 3 BFP’s all ending up being chemical pregnancies (I had learned the term by then..). My gynaecologist recommended a visit to a fertility specialist for some basic investigations, and well, as it happened, somewhere between the first and second visit, we were undergoing IVF. The fertility doc said it was the highest percentage chance of having a baby that he could offer us, everything else he said, well, depended on how long we wanted to be bothered for. So, the IVF route we went (being a percentage couple and all……). BTW all tests came back perfect, and so we were categorised into the cesspool of ‘undiagnosed infertility’, or just lower than normal fertility.
Well, IVF was an eyeopener. Rollercoaster ride with big ups and big downs, but the potential of a baby of ~40% or so per cycle. Who would not jump at those odds?? Our first cycle was a disaster. Well, the end part anyway. I had an excellent egg collection (18 eggs), of which only two looked a bit immature. But, for some reason, none of them fertilised naturally with my hubby’s sperm. Why, we still don’t understand today. A day later, they artificially inseminated them via a procedure called ICSI, but, being medical and all, I knew that it was one day too late, and it was unlikely that any of them were going to grow. So, another 6-8 week wait till we could do it again…. (Amazingly some actually did grow, but they were not great - we transferred anyway - 2 blasts on D6, but as expected, a BFN). ‘The first cycle is as much about trying to make a baby as it is about trying to understand your ovaries and your response to the drugs’ said the fertility doc.
Take two – I ended up doing two full stimulation cycles back to back. Something that is not usually recommended because of the danger of hyperstimulation, and not giving the ovaries time to recover between cycles, hence having less eggs and less mature eggs on subsequent collections. ‘Somehow I knew you’d not want to wait a month’ said the fertility doctor. Again though, we were lucky. This time we collected 15 eggs, and they were all good with the exception of 2 which were a bit immature. This time we did ICSI straight away and had a good fertilisation rate, and ended up getting 3 grade 1 blasts on D5. We transferred one, and froze the other two. Unfortunately, on day 6 post transfer I got my period. Again not usual, but explained away with the progesterone gel they were giving me, and well, a BFN followed.
So, take 3. This was now 6 months after commencing IVF. I had a month break after the last failed cycle – to have a break, settle down emotionally oh, and to sit some pretty important surgical exams, without wondering when I can pee on stick all the time, LOL!! This was our first frozen cycle or FET. It was decided that it was going to be a completely natural cycle with higher dose progesterone pessaries (not gel this time) for support post transfer, provided any of our blasts survived the freeze. I learned something interesting during this cycle, and that was that I ovulated a lot later than I would have thought. I used to think that the pain I got midcycle was ovulation, however during this monitored cycle, the pain was occurring at a time when the follicle was growing, not actually when it was being released. So, ovulation for me was in fact 3 -4 days after this pain, at a time when I had no pain (hmmm, maybe hubby and I were not DTD at the right time after all, and this would make my luteal phase quite short, so, perhaps this is the reason why our natural pregnancies did not stick – something to explore next time!!)
Anyway, back to take 3. All was going swimmingly. The doc decided to defrost both blasts and transfer both if they made it. Anxiously we waited. The call for transfer did come!! One of our blasts collapsed and died with only 20% of cells surviving the thaw, but the other…… well, it survived with >95% of cells surviving the thaw, and already starting to hatch. ‘It is as good as it gets’ they said. So, off we went, and a short stick and probe later, 1 embie was on board, and it was just a matter of time to see if anything happened….
Well, at d8 post transfer, I started to get a lot of cramps (very unusual for me really in retrospect). I convinced myself that AF was coming. No bleeding though. But, well, I was sure, wasn’t I? So much so, that I had a glass of wine that night. The cramps continued into the next day, and inside me hope was dying. I started to wonder where to go from there. Had a glass of wine that day too!! Next day it was Monday. I still had 5 days till my official BT. Although I was cramping, there was no bleeding. My hubby and I were home that morning (I was due to go on a week of nights), and late in the morning, I decided what the heck, I would pee on a stick, just to prove to myself that I was not pregnant! I had some Fortel Ultra tests at home, so POAS I did. Low and behold, a faint line appeared. Having had a false positive with Fortel Ultra test, I did not really believe it, but showed it to hubby anyway. He said to wait till Friday or till I started bleeding… Well, like a red flag to a bull that was. Off I went to the chemist to buy a different HPT, one that I have never had a positive from – Discover One, which was said to register only after your beta levels were more than 50 IU/ml, hence more accurate. So, I came home, did not wait anytime, just peed on the stick next time I needed to. And well, low and behold it was positive! I ran out into the kitchen, and I remember saying to my hubby, ‘Well, maybe we are pg after all!!’.
So that night at work, I decided to do a blood test (OK, so there are advantages to being a doctor and having access to a pathology lab…. Except that I took my own blood so I did not have to own up to anyone about WHY I was NEEDING a blood test, LOL!). 3am, and the results were back – beta of 24. Now 24 is neither negative, nor positive. It is, medically speaking, equivocal. Knowing all that, I kept thinking yeah, but it is NOT negative, so MAYBE something is really happening.
Tuesday, another pee stick. Again positive. Maybe a trick of the eyes, but could have been a bit darker….
Wednesday, again a positive. Here I owned up to BB girls in LTTCC forum what I have been up to. Plus, I had already decided that another BT was in order, just to see if the beta had gone up. Well, Wednesday night, 3 am, results were back – beta 66. I had doubled, hell almost tripled in the right time. Maybe, maybe, please, please, please I thought.
Then, I waited till Friday – my official clinic BT - full of guilt that I had the wine a few days previously, what if I killed the baby, what if ???? I received the call at 2:30pm – ‘You are officially 4 weeks pregnant, congratulations!’. Funny, even though I knew I probably was on the basis of my own testing, hearing someone else tell you that was awesome, and I was lost for words. My hubby and I cried that day. 2.5 years after deciding to try for a baby, here we were pregnant, and officially so.
Well, then the reality sank in, and the pessimistic side came out – ‘it does not mean we’ll have a baby’, ‘it might not stick like the others’ – but, I kept hoping that the progesterone pessaries were the secret ingredient that made the difference (well, plus a strong little embie!!).
Anyways, after having a heartbeat confirmed at 7 weeks, we started to feel optimistic, at 12 weeks, we saw the baby move, and no obvious Downs or other malformations seen, we started to feel really hopeful and at 20 weeks we met our little man for the first time. Wiggling, squirming, and as far as we could tell on U/S, perfect in everyway. I snuck out of work for the afternoon with my hubby and we allowed ourselves our first trip to a shop to buy something for the baby (I wasn’t showing so no-one knew yet), and I think that day we allowed ourselves to bond with our baby and to believe that we were on our way to becoming parents.
So, here I am at 38w 3d, after a wonderful (by all accounts) uncomplicated pregnancy, totally in love with my fat belly which has a life of its own. I can feel my babies feet, legs, hands and bottom. He is fully engaged and now just bidding time till he makes his grand entrance. Last heard, he was 3 weeks ahead of his dates in size and should he continue, his projected weight is over 4kg, with a head circ of 39+ cm by his due date…. So, my hubby and I excitedly await his arrival, whilst that little voice inside me pitties my poor girlie bits…..
Thank you for reading how I came to be… Now for the next bit….
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