Pregnancy after LT TTC #13

[juniper76]

Lairdoz, if you ask me, the main reason to not use the same name is to avoid confusion. If they're not going to have much contact and you have developed an attachment to the name, then I think you should still be able to use it. If it's just the first name, you could consider using it as a middle name instead, but it sounds like that's unnecessary in this situation. We picked girls names back in 2003 and since then, not 1 but 2 people working for the same company as me have used the exact combination of first and second name that we picked (the most recent one to use it works in the office next to mine, the other is interstate). But we've had our hearts set on that name for 7 years, so I'll be d*mned if anyone is going to stop us using it just because there might be some confusion at the 1 or 2 work social events we have per year (unfortunately, neither of us are likely to leave this company in a hurry). The only thing is I had been toying with adding an extra middle name before they used it (does anyone have any thoughts on using 2 middle names?) but DH doesn't seem to like the idea. If we do have a girl you can be certain that the birth announcement email for work will include a footnote saying that we chose this name in 2003 and will not find any "jokes" about copying others funny. Ps, you're under 200 days to go!!

Yogi, I'm glad to hear your physical recovery is going well. I hope to see you back here soon with a very sticky bfp.

Hi to everyone else. Sorry to be quiet lately, I've had a cold for the last week and have been feeling rotten, so laying low. Still sick, but back at work today.

Has anyone else had issues with their DH not wanting to let others share their news? My DH won't give my parents permission to tell the wider family or their friends (his family isn't that close, so it's a non-issue on that side, plus his parents already have 5 grandchildren). He keeps saying, "it's our news". He doesn't seem to understand that my parents are excited about their first grandchild and that it is their news too in that respect. I'm not sure what to do. I've got DH being stubborn and my mum saying this in the email I got this morning: "It is over 14 weeks now, it’s getting a bit stupid not allowing us to spread the good news."

[sunshine 11]

Thanks so much ladies, such a frivolous thing to worry about, but I am still stuck at home sick so little things can get me all worked up!

Maggie my plan is to tell my sister before we find out the sex, this way she has time to get used to the idea that if it is a boy, their names will be the same (she has called her son a shortened version of a longer name, we will give our son the full length version) but also know why I am not sharing the sex if we find out as I don’t want my family (or anyone else) knowing the name and sex of my baby before it’s born. I am not into lying so can't find out the sex and pretend I don't know and I want to know!

Juniper, my DD has two middle names, purely because the initials with the names we loved were awful together, so had to add another family name.
With regards to sharing news, I didn't tell anyone until I was 16 weeks last time. I do understand completely how excited grandparents get, but it's a really tough journey to be a parent by IVF, so I guess your DH is just getting his head around this being real, which of course you know it is!

If you know how to get rid of a cold while pregnant, please let me know too!!

[Leabie]

Hi lovely ladies!

Its been a little while since I've popped in, so much to catch up on!

Firstly, a big WELCOME to airline and Tantee! Great to see you both in here. Airline, I remember you from the LTTTC threads from last year. And Tantee, you're definitely in the right place! KWYM about the anxious wait for the 7wk scan, I went and got another blood test from my GP at the 6 week mark to tide me over! As others have said, take it one day at a time if you can. The old PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise) helps too, I learnt that in here.

Lairdoz - how damn annoying about the name thing! I'm with the others - just call your baby what you want to, your sister shouldn't have any impact on that. I'm married to someone with the same name as me, and even that doesn't get too confusing, so cousins on opposite sides of the world should be fine!

Juniper - I had DH not wanting to tell anyone our news til after the 12wk scan (his family included). When we told his parents, we asked them not to tell anyone for a little while, as we still had some people we wanted to tell personally. We gave them permission to tell 2 of their friends after a few days, and that satisfied their urgent need to tell someone! Maybe that could be an option for DH? Let them tell one or two people you're not going to speak to personally? Just a suggestion.

MaggiePie - I hear you on the baby brain! Forgetting stuff and having rather a lot of vague moments. Had my worst one so far - I just knocked my passenger wing mirror off today, after getting too close to a power pole while parking Dunno how I'm going to explain that one to DH...

Brunette - hope you had a lovely weekend away at your friends wedding / mini-babymoon!

Jaki80 - best of luck for your scan tomorrow. you see a lovely heartbeat!

Hi to all that I've missed, hope you're all travelling well!

AFM - Just got back from a fantastic long weekend up in the Hunter Valley, celebrating our 2nd anniversary. DH was delighted with himself, having a chauffer to drive him around to all the wineries to do wine tasting. I was delighted with waking up every morning without a hangover I'm going through food withdrawals now though, and am so depressed at the prospect of having to cook dinner, after having not had to do it for 3 days... I did surprise myself with how much food I put away on the weekend, my appetite has definitely increased. I've never been able to eat as much as I can now! Uh-oh...

[juniper76]

Lairdoz, thanks. It's good to know others do wait a bit longer than that "end of 1st trimester" milestone that so many people get caught up on. I think mum's taking it hard because she expected to be able to tell at 12 weeks. And I get really worked up about the name thing so it's not just you. As for the cold, I have no idea. I took polaramine while my nose was all blocked up and that was great for 2 whole nights and then everything changed and now I can't take anything to relieve the symptoms. If I weren't pg I'd be taking a mucolytic, but I suspect that something which thins mucous isn't a good idea right now. It does slowly seem to be improving, but it's been just over a week now.

Leabie, good to hear you had a great weekend! My sister got married in the Hunter in Feb and it's just gorgeous. Congratulations on your anniversary! It's funny you say that about letting your parents tell two friends. I almost suggest mum could tell one friend (my BFF's mum), but then I remembered my BFF saying her mum was a blabbermouth and decided against it. Also, my BFF's brother has a habit of posting unwanted comments on my facebook profile and he still lives with his parents (I changed my settings so he can't write on my profile after one comment too many, but I know he sometimes uses his mum's profile).

Well, DH just pulled a "Fine. Whatever." type moment. He's sick of hearing about it so she can tell who she wants. Of course, now I'm ticked off at him changing his mind just to shut me up.... Gotta love pg hormones!!

ETA:
Worrywart, you posted while I was writing. Sorry to hear about the casserole. I don't think you're being melodramatic (unless I am too). The name we picked out has been something like a talisman for us to hold on to through 3.5 years of TTC. I even named my blog for it. It's not just some name; it's the name of our daughter. And if we only ever have boys, then it will always be the name of the daughter we never had.

[Brunette]

Juniper, my mum and I nearly had a falling out because she wanted to tell all her brothers and sisters that I was PG at about the 8-week mark, and we had such a horrible start, I was diagnosed with a threatened miscarriage, had bleeding, was at home on bed rest till week 12 and was carrying twins, which is not the same as the usual milestones as those with singleton babies ie safe to tell usually at 12 weeks. But both my DH and I felt the same; ie, we didn't want the news spread to anyone other than immediate family or friends who we had chosen to tell. Now that your DH has given you the green light, are you doing the same with your mum and letting her tell people? I think it's a personal decision and if you and DH decide not to spread the news, you should both be respected in your wishes.

Lairdoz, sorry to hear you're still feeling sick. Unfortunately, I think you've just got to let a cold run its course. Plenty of sleep, plenty of fluids. Not sure about what meds you can take. When I was sick with a cold I just took some Panadol because I was unsure if anything else was safe. Re the name issue, try not to get too worked up about it yet because you don't yet know if you're having a boy. If you are, then my advice would be if you and DH still feel strongly about the name (and seeing as how your sister has lived O/S for so long and you're not in regular contact) then go for it. I am getting stuck on which names to choose. It is one of the biggest decisions you can make - I think, at least - to decide on a name for your child.


Leabie, our babymoon and friend's wedding was great, although sooooo cold. I love the Hunter Valley. How cool that you got chauffered around to the different wineries. Good to hear your appetite has returned and MS has been banished!

[airline]

Goodness me it's been like Clapham Junction in here today!!

Lairdoz - without a doubt, if you and your sister are not close particularly and live so far away (so unlikely the cousins will be v. close) you use the name you & DH want. It is a name, it is an identity, but the little individuals will be just that, individual and it does not matter if they are named the same. Even if a close person to me named a child the name we'd chosen I would ask if it was ok out of courtesy, but I don't see a problem. It's not like there aren't others in the world with that name....unless it's someone like Jordan & Peter Andre's daughter 'Princess Tiami' (who I saw today at the airport by the way!! - gorgeous head of blonde curls) - that whole paragraph seems v. difficult to read/understand, but I know what I mean!! Lairdoz, go for what you want!

Juniper - as with everything, our DHs seem to react differently to us. My DH used the exact phrase 'our news' with me also. I seem to be different to a lot of folk cos, having had various rounds of IVF and FET, and had a variety of results inc. a m/c, DH thinks I would be really cautious about telling anyone. However I'm the opposite. I explained that people will find out after the event if things go wrong - I found I could go lick my wounds and face folk when I was ready, but at least they knew why I was off the scene. Sooo therefore, I'm happy to tell people because I'm excited, and have a more positive outlook this time. Plus I've found people's well wishes or happiness at the news is infectious and makes me feel better too, if I am feeling a little worrisome that day.

A couple of people at my work know - which helps when I have to disappear to stuff a sandwich in my gob quickly!, and some close friends. My parents have been overseas for almost 3 months and arrive home Thursday. I'm desperate to tell them, but DH and I came to agreement only after the 7 week scan. He's just really uncomfortable people knowing yet. Firstly because it's so early, but secondly he said it's cos nothing has been private about this journey and he wanted it to just be our secret. We've agreed that he can tell 'his people' whenever he wants...... that could be when I'm 9 months, because apparently he could wait that long!!!!!!!!!!???

Leabie, thanks for the welcome!! Hunter valley eh?! Swish romantic getaway!! Open fire?? Big spa bath?? can you go in a spa bath? lovely!! My hubby and I are off to Byron Bay for a night later in the month to use his birthday accommodation voucher, and I've been wanting to go to the Bangalow Markets forever, so can't wait.

AFM - well this nausea loves to hang around pretty much most of the day. I do feel v. lucky that I'm not physically sick though, cos obviously you're trying to win a losing battle of getting nutrients in ya. Does anyone else have a windy problem right now??? and I don't mean the usual August winds......when my dog has a bone, she gets windy. To the point she has to get up and move to the other side of the room!! I'm starting to want to do that (in my own company, naturally I try and control it around everyone else!) What's causing this?? I'll tell you, having a heightened sense of smell doesn't flippin' help the situation either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been lights out at 9.30pm in our house......that's unheard of normally. It's a couple of Dexter episodes normally, but I'm struggling. Today I got home from work and was in bed 3 minutes later for a snooze. All great signs - well the nausea and tiredness are, the wind is a bi-product - literally! ;-)

[sunshine 11]

HI Airline,
I had AWFUL gas with both my pregnancies until about 10 weeks. I was so bloated that anyone I saw during this period knew I was pregnant as I was so big (not very big normally so was very obvious, hence avoided seeing anyone). It miraculously dissapeared overnight (deflated so to speak) and in the morning my stomach was flat again, then during the day got bigger again. Apparently it's caused by progesterone and the increasing levels as it slows down your digestive system. Hope this helps. Can't say I found anything that stopped it as it was quite uncomfortable - I guess releasing the pressure if you can is the best cure

[juniper76]

but secondly he said it's cos nothing has been private about this journey and he wanted it to just be our secret.

Omg, I think we should get these two together! Mine has been saying the exact same thing about finding out the gender - he wants us to find out but keep it secret and this is the reason he's given. We told our family about the BFP after the 7w scan. We just wanted to wait until we saw the HB. We wanted to do that the first time too, but never got that far. We never told my mum about the m/c because I didn't think she'd be supportive (not that she wouldn't mean well, just that she stubbornly does what she thinks is best for you even if you say it's not what you want) and I couldn't handle it at the time. Your nausea sounds similar to what I had - all day, but not much vomiting. I have had a few brief bouts of gas like that, but mostly my gas has been at the other end - I haven't stopped burping since the start of the pregnancy!

Brunette, I've been thinking about it since posting and I've had an idea. We were meant to go to the french restaurant at Carina for my birthday, but that got postponed when we were burgled (the day before my birthday and 4 days before EPU) and I was too upset to go. They've just gotten back from a 2 month trip and have had one of mum's friends from high school house sitting. I was thinking of suggesting we do the dinner before her friend heads back to Sydney (end of the month) and letting her start telling then. That way I get to see what she says and get an idea of how she'll tell others... Not sure if DH will approve though? That may hit too close to his "our news" issue? I'll run it past him and see what he says. Part of me wants to make her wait until after the next OB appointment, because I'm forever scared of getting bad news at the next appointment...

[Renee]

Hello to all you lovely ladies,

Jaki - Glad your scan went well it is such an amazing sound to hear! Wait till you can actually make out features and it doesn't look like a cute little blob.

Laridoz - the other ladies have given you some good advice. I don't know what i would do, i would change my mind about it so many times. At the end of the day it is your baby and you and DH need to love the name you give it.

Paula & Ninah - GL to you both i hope everything goes well and you are holding you precious bundles soon.

Hi to everyone else (sorry i'm being lazy and only got through 3 of you ladies) hope you are all well.

HALFWAY !!!! YAY!!! It feels like it has taken forever to get here!! Still being sick does not help and just seems to make the time drag on. We get to see bub tomoz at our 20 wk scan so excitied. I can feel bub but it is nice to see it a make sure everything is there!! I can't beleive the amount of people who think it is strange that we are not going to find out the sex of the baby. After the journey we have been on all i want is a healthy baby and a beautiful surprise for 2 1/2 yrs of waiting!!

[sunshine 11]

Jaki - congratulations, that is great news!!
Ninah - goodluck and I am sure everything will be fine. I was induced and it ended up being a really easy birth so I hope yours is too!
Paula - hope the countdown goes quickly!
Renee - can't believe you are halfway already, time sure does fly by.
Juniper - I can't remember what the deal was with skin, but I remember I bought moisturiser when I was pregnant before - which is a first as I have oily skin. Obviously another joy of hormones!!!

Hi to everyone else

AFM - I spoke to my sister, who brought up the name so I told her it is our boys name and she said she's not at all surprised and she wouldn't mind at all if we named our son the same name. I knew she would say that, it was just a strange conversation because she doesn't know I am pregnant, but she knows we were up to IVF cycle number 6, so she knows we are hoping for something to happen soon. I'm waiting until her baby is a couple of weeks old before I tell family apart from my Mum so that she can bask in her moment in the spotlight as I think every 1st time Mum deserves that.

[worrywart]

Lairdoz, I'm glad you've got your plan in place. That is such a hard one. How strange that your sister chose exactly the same name. I can totally understand you being p***ed off. God, I would be. Actually, my younger bro's wife is pregnant, due a week or two before me (conceived easily) and yes, actually, he told us their names straight away (he is a sensitive one, I'm lucky) and thank god, they were ... well, hilariously different to the ones we'd had our hearts set on for a while now (my bro and his wife are performers, and me and my DH are basically public servants, kinda different personalities!). But still, these names are kind of so way out that we still worry, what if they change their minds once the baby arrives and choose one of "our" names. You can also feel like you're being an "idiot" because thank god, you're having a baby and what's in a name, and so forth. But I think names are really special and they're for life, so I think they're really important too. Plus it's that tiny bit of "confidence" or "attachment" that we can have, having had such a rough time with TTC, and sometimes it's hard to know what else to hold on to. Maybe that's a bit melodramatic. I'm exhausted. I just dropped a beef casserole on the kitchen floor and thus simultaneously missed out on lunch, and had to clean for half an hour!

Juniper, actually we were both like that at first, because my mum was being kind of pushy, plus she was telling everyone about my brother's impending "fatherhood" (which sounds ridiculous to me, because he's younger, but then I kind of forget my own age!), and it was kind of galling, somehow. If anything, I was the most resistant one. And my DH did say that exact thing "it's our news" but then we decided we just couldn't be a**ed phoning everyone, and also my cousin said something, which just made things seem really simple. He said "Well, it's nice for the grannies to have a bit of a role". And I thought, oh, yes, hang on, my mum really loves us and she's just excited and not "gossiping" and this is a good way to involve her. Anyway, the deadline was today. It will be out as of now.

And as for colds, steam inhalations are pretty good at killing germs in the sinus.