Oh Lori I am so so sorry.
Give yourself as much time as you need to recover. You'd think that after what we have to go through to get pregnant nature would be good to us and take away the whole miscarriage risk but nature is never that kind.
The idea of writing a letter to your baby is lovely. We have so many hopes and dreams for our little one from the moment they are conceived so I imagine it will be very healing for you to express those.
Oh Lori nooooooo, i'm just devasted for you its just too cruel. Its such an awful experience to go through, especially so after ivf and all that you have been through to get to this place and to have it taken away its just indescibable....i know that feeling all too well and my heart is breaking for you right now
I like the idea of having a "burial" ceremony or writing a letter....i did both with my m/c's and i truly believe they helped the healing process. You need to take time to acknowledge your miracle bub and accept that they DID exist (even though for a short time) and they will always be in your heart. I also hung those crystal balls up in my kitchen window and the sun catches them in the afternoon and sends beautiful rainbow "fairies" dancing through the whole house...they remind me that my beautiful bubs are always with me and it always puts a smile on my face, they are safe now with the angels in heaven.
Oh Lori, i dont know what else to say as i know there is no words that can help ease the pain. I'm here if you need to chat...PM me, i can give you my number. I know it can be an isolating experience.
About your horse, hmmm maybe hold off on making any major decisions, he sounds like a wonderful soul to have around in times like this.
Please take care of yourself, sending all my thoughts & prayer out to you
Luv Yogi
xxx
Lori, I am so sorry. My cheeks are wet with tears and I wish there was some way to take away your pain. Know that your little angel is looking down on you with love.
Lori, I am just so so sorry. The loss is so devastating and isolating and all consuming for a while. Be gentle with yourself and I hope you have plenty of support. I'm sorry your mum is not around that must be hard too. And it makes sense that you wish you'd had the scan to me, I have always wondered whether our angels were boys or girls etc, things like that. Take it one step at a time for now. Huge hugs. Anything that helps you say goodbye to your baby is a great thing and has helped me in the past. I have lit candles and said a few words. Thinking of you and again I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you my best wishes. If you want to talk please PM me. Love Emma x
Last edited by Possums; January 13th, 2011 at 11:44 AM.
Lori - so terribly sorry to read your awful news. Sending you cyber-hugs be kind to yourself luv, take time out to grieve, and try not to make any life-changing decisions right now. Hoping all is OK with the scan healthwise too.
Lori- What you are going through at the moment, I cannot even begin to imagine. I just want you to know the myself along with all of the other ladies in this forum are here to support you anytime you need. I am sooo terribly sorry to hear this has happened to you. Life can be very cruel sometimes but you sound like a strong woman and I know you will get through this only to become a stronger person on the other side. Now is the time to take time out for YOU. Just keep the faith that you can try again and if it is meant to be then it will. Keep fighting...my heart goes out to you. xx
Lori, so sorry to hear your news. Like others have said, please take some time before you make big decisions. I think having a ceremony for your angel is a great idea. Look after yourself and cry when you need to xxxx
Thanks for all your messages of support. They have meant alot... but I have some amazing news....
I STILL HAVE A LIVE BABY!!!!!
I just got back from the ultrasound scan at the IVF clinic and the dr found the baby and said it's heart is still beating. He also found the area where the blood came from (right near the baby) but couldn't determine what caused it.
I couldn't believe it when he said it was alive... I just cried with joy. My tenant Louise (who had taken me to emergency last night and been giving me my progesterone injections) well she was holding my hand and she just started to cry too.
The Dr did warn me that the baby could still go into distress due to the huge blood loss but the fact it has hung in this long is a good sign and I have cause to be optimistic. I have a follow up scan next Tuesday to check if it's still hanging in there.
I can't believe the emergency department doctor was so negative and basically made me feel I had no hope at all. The IVF doctor did admit he was surprised to find the baby has survived such a huge blood loss but that over the years he has had a few women have massive bleeds at this stage of the pregnancy and still go on to give birth to healthy babies so hopefully I'll be one of the lucky ones.
The scan also dated the baby at 7 weeks 1 day and it should be 7 weeks 4 days but the Dr said that was quite close so it's a good sign of a strong baby... and the heart looks like it is beating strongly (though we couldn't hear it).
I'm so relieved... but also scared for the next few days. If Tuesdays scan shows everything is still okay then I think that means I can relax (well as much as any of us can).
I still can't believe it... I have a little figther inside me... maybe this baby really does want to be born... please hang in there little one.
Thanks again for all your support. Today has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster - and I thought IVF was hard! Hopefully it will get better from now on. The fact this little baby has survived against the odds for this long - over 24 hours since the first major bleed, gives me hope that I have a baby who is really going to fight to hang in there.
I hope Tuesdays scan brings more good news as I don't know how I'd cope going through all this again.
Thanks again for all your support... I still cant' believe I'm still pregnant. I feel like a bit of an idiot for telling people I had lost it but the emergency department doctor basically told me that there was no way I could still be pregnant.
OMG Lori - that is AMAZING!!!
I think I wrote last night that my sister had bleeding (badly) throughout her 1st trimester and was horribly anaemic because of it but I now have a six month old nephew so your bub must really want to be here like he did!!
I'm sure the emergency doc was just trying not to give you false hope when it seems infact you DO have a little miracle on your hands. This waiting caper is truly awful - but from everything you have said it sounds like someone really wants to be here
Lori what a miracle you have received!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And dont feel like an idiot, there really seemed to be no hope after 2 massive bleeds. We will all be praying your little bub keeps hanging on for the next 8 or so months!!!
Oh my God Lori that is brilliant I am thrilled for you. What a little fighter you have in there!
It just shows what amazing things our bodies can be.
Lets hope your little bubba gives you a bit of a chance to relax now!
Lori, I can imagine what an emotional rollercoaster the last two days have been! It's been a rollercoaster just reading the posts! I'm so, so thrilled to hear that the scan gave you good news! I hope and pray that Tuesday's scan is equally good news! Is there any chance that the bleeding was a lost twin? That could also explain the size difference as twins sometimes measure a little behind. Wow, I'm just so glad you've got such a tough little bub clinging on there!!
Bug'sMum, thanks for asking about me. We have managed to stay dry and our house is not in one of the affected areas. I know we are very lucky. It was weird driving to my acupuncture appt today and the roads I drove on were totally normal (and dry!), but I know that there's major flooding just a few kms away... We have only been affected insofar as the hospital is on the other side of the river and most of the bridges are currently closed. We've delayed the ECV until Monday for that reason as I know our normal route is flooded.
OMG Lori, what you have been through is so traumatic. I hope Russell was sensitive to you today, but yay on having a healthy stong willed baby in there. It is so amazing what these little people go through to come into the world at it seems like you have one determined little person who needs to be born me thinks... I'm so happy for you that you got some postive news after all you've been through.... and as for the ER Dr, they are not specialists in gyno/ob things and really don't want to give anyone false hopes but to not do a scan for you is horrible.....
Hope everyone else is travelling along and taking some time to relax, although if you are in QLD I'm sure you are all on tenterhooks....
Well I had my 20 week scan today and could easily see my little boy's appendages so no mistaking the sexes now. Both boys had their heads down wedged in my pelvis (because there is so much space down there....not) and they were really snuggled in close to one another although we were often seeing one kicking the other one. So now we are 100% we are having boys and so far everything looks good I hit the Target Baby Sale today, this is when I buy all my baby/kids clothes for next season - ie: Summer sale for next Summer and vice versa for Winter - I find that this is the best opportunity to get the bargains and now I have to buy for 3 kids it is a huge saving... When I got home and worked it out I ended up spending for the boys and DD a total of $340 on clothes that were originally $710 (over a 50% saving).
Anyway I'm dying on all this humidity that us southern girls aren't used to so I'm going to have a cool shower and then into bed for me....
Oh, I hope everything is ok with Renee. I've been stalking the BA's everyday to hear her news...
Lori- WOW!!! amazing wonderful news!!!!!! so thrilled to read it. What a traumatic experience you have been through! I have heard of others on BB over the years who have had big bleeds and thought they'd lost their baby, only to have a scan reveal a heartbeat was still there. It seems you do have a fighter there- hang on little one! I know it will be nervous wait for you until Tuesday now, sending you my best x
juniper- glad to hear you are ok. It must be really full on and surreal to see the flooding. I am amazed by how much of Qld has been affected, there are so many sad tales.
kelly- very exciting about your positive scan :-) congratulations, two healthy little men on the way ... very smart about the Target sales too
afm- had another BT yesterday and everything (HCG and prog) is right on track. phew. DH and I felt very relieved. 8 week scan on tuesday.
Last edited by Possums; January 14th, 2011 at 12:05 AM.
Big sigh of relief today. No frest bleeding. I can see every day will be a case of seeing what it brings.
Kelly - glad to hear the twins are doing well and you know for sure they are both boys so you can do all that shopping. I used to do the same thing when my daughter was younger. Back then (14 to 10 years ago) you could save as much as 75% which made a huge difference as a single mum. Of course the only problem was that sometimes the clothes wouldn't fit the following year because the style would be too wide or too short for her (she was a slim, tall child and I found most baby and toddler clothes were made for chubby babies). But most of the time they would be alright.
I had the scan done my Michael and he was really supportive and reassuring. My scan on Tuesday will be done by Russell.
Possums - good luck with your scan. Hopefully everything is okay. I know I'd be feeling quite nervous if I was you since you are heading into what has previously been your danger period but since you are on the extra meds hopefully you'll fly through the next few weeks without any issues.
Juniper - glad the floods aren't too close to you. I guess it would be nervewracking at the moment though given that you are cut off from the hospitals and only 2 weeks to go so could really go into labour anytime. I hope they are able to get those roads functioning again very soon. I have family friends in Brisbane and Toowoomba but I don't know what areas and as my parents are in Antartica and they are friends of my parents I don't have contact details to see if they are alright. My parents wouldn't even know about the floods yet as they have no contact with the outside world until the 25th Jan.
Lori
DD - 14
One little fighter inside (7.5 weeks).
Lori: Yay for having the scan done by Michael, as I've said to you before I really love having him as my OB and he really makes you feel comfortable. Even though he is exxy I don't think I would feel as comfortable having anyone else deliver my babies for me... So happy you had no fresh blood this morning, although I was thinking maybe the clot you passed might have been one little bubba and you still have a sticky one. It is not uncommon to miscarry 1 twin and then go on to have a successful pregnancy with the other baby.
Lots of water here today, but luckily for us we are on high ground so have no flooding and we didn't lose power like we normally do in stormy conditions... But the humidity has kicked in again it is so yucky....
its just too cruel. Its such an awful experience to go through, especially so after ivf and all that you have been through to get to this place and to have it taken away its just indescibable....i know that feeling all too well and my heart is breaking for you right now
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