Pregnancy after LT TTC #17

[airline]

morning girls just a quickie, i know i'm not supposed to be on here but like to keep an eye on you girls in waiting!
i've just done the 4am feed, yesterday was a good day...we even showed/introduced Lewis to the girls & boss at my work.....lots of cuddles and photos and he was loving the attention,alert and didn't muck up the schedule....discovered v.v, important!! now i'm expressing...gives a new meaning to hands free, let me tell you!!

just wanted to comment on the query re circumcision. my girlfriend had both boys done, i thought it unusual being 1. british 2. ignorant about the whys and wherefores . assumed it was cos their dad was - so i was advised, but only recently i discovered that generations of aussie boys have beendone.

as i said i've been ignorant about this, i thought it was only done for religious reasons, and occasionally health. but a conversation late in pregnancy with 2 aussie girls and they explained more. had NO idea it was sooo common here, and was surprised when i was asked about whether we'd do it. In my defence, in Britain, to my knowledge, none of my friends all who have babies, many boys, have had it done. it's not the done thing, it's the unusual. We're not, DH isn't, I'm going with him as I don't have one, but he said for what it's worth 'you're born with it, educate healthy attitude to hygiene, and there's no reason for our son to have it.' of course it's the same angle that a lot of men who've been done, feel it's the norm and so have their sons done, so i believe its' a personal opinion/choice, that everyone can give advice on, friends, and professionals...but it's up to the people raising the wee one.

sorry about the lack of punctuation and caps but every now and then the 'hands free' needs to be double checked!!

plse don't think i'm being judgemental,as i said, quite ignorant about it all...and I grew up here as a kid...two separate occasions! I was a good girl ;-) never saw one till i was back in UK ;-)

right finishing this expressing, it's for DH to do the 'dream feed' at 11pm so I canrest my poor boobs after their 7 feeds or so a day!

must go join the other forum...but haven't been on for a while....or near the computer, but new phone gives access and notifications so wanted tosee how you all going.
belly rubs, goodluck, take care xxxxx

[dreamrise659]

Hi everyone,

I have been under alot of stress the last couple of days (have a meeting on Monday regarding an apparent complaint against me from the mother of the children I used to look after). Even though I know I have done nothing wrong and many of my friends suspect she lodged the complaint to get out of paying for the previous 3 weeks that she owes me for, I am still really stressed out about it. I have never had a warning or anything bad at any previous job - in fact in many of my previous jobs over the past decade the only time I have had a meeting with the big bosses has been to congratulate me on doing an outstanding job so this has really floored me.

Anyway the reason I'm sharing is because I have been getting cramps - lower right side (basically the bottom of the baby bump). They come and go but at times are quite painful. It started Thursday night after I found out about the complaint so I'm assuming it's just my bodies reaction to the stress but I am a bit worried. How long do you think I should wait before going to the Dr or hospital? I don't want to seem over-the-top paranoid or whatever and as I said I'm assuming it's just a reaction to the stress but I'm also worried about what if it is something else? something more serious?

Also one of the things I have been accused of is "having inappropriate conversations in front of the children". I want to know as mums and mums to be what you would think would be inappropriate conversations? i would assume anything of an adult nature: sex, extreme violence etc and anything which puts someone down, anything racist, sexist etc? And I have never done any of this so I'm stumped as to what this accusation is about. One of the other parts of the complaint relates to an incident which did happen in early Feb and at the time I explained to the mother what had happened and apologised as I realised I had reacted poorly to the situation. The mother appeared to accept my explanation and apology and continued to send her kids here (even pressuring me to take them when I was sick) so if she hadn't accepted my aplogy and explanation then why keep sending them to me for a further 2 months and only complain when she was already leaving anyway to move interstate. She lodged the complaint on Thursday morning but still wanted the kids to come to me on Friday (though I told Family Day Care that I didn't think I could put on a happy face for the kids when I was so stressed about these allegations so asked them to cancel it). What I don't understand is if it was so bad why still want the kids to come here - even after lodging the complaint???

I have this meeting 2 hours before my 20 week ultrasound. What an emotional day that is going to be. I really hope there is no bad news at the ultrasound as I don't think I could cope with it. And I really hope these cramps go away. i just keep thinking so long as there is no bleeding then I'm fine??!!

Lori
DD - 14

[LizLemon]

Kaybee - lol re the "bigger massiver one"! Man they say the funniest things. But I totally second the awesomeness of little boys - even if they can be a little boisterous at times.

Grub - yes!! I'm so excited with all this actual baby talk rather than pregnancy talk. I think I am more excited about this one than I was with DS as I know what great stuff is ahead... once I get past the first few weeks which absolutely killed me last time. We are getting back a bunch of DS's stuff from storage today (he had a lot of gender neutral stuff early on) so I can wash it all up. Awww!!

Lori - What a c**ppy time to be getting hassles over your work. It does sound a little sus, if this woman was so darn offended why would she keep bringing her kids back to you? Some people are just pains in the bum and you'll never be able to please them. In terms of what's inappropriate to be talked about in front of kids, I'm not really sure, as what is a sensitive topic for one person is completely fine for another, but as you said I would have thought as long as you steer clear of sexual/racial etc and anything that is intentionally hurtful or malicious I can't see how you can go wrong. And anyway, I imagine that some of the stuff that comes out of kids' mouths at regular day care that they bring along from home (prejudices, swearing etc) would be far far worse than anything you could've said. Try not to stress about it. As for the pains, they're not round ligament pains? Where you described sounds like round ligament but I've always felt them to be more sharp than crampy.

Is there a midwife at the hospy you can call just to put your mind at ease? Other things in that region could be gas (I get some terrible gas pains if I eat too much chocolate... like now...), appendicitis (unlikely but in that location) or just old regular stretching. But if you're worried, check.

Airline - great to hear you are going well with litlle Lewis!!

[Mindhugs]

Hey Lori - sorry to hear that's all happening at work. With both of my miscarriages last year I was getting a hard time from a colleague at work,to the point it ended in screaming matches. I didn't make it past 9 weeks both times. I quit that job and hey presto - sustained pregnancy!!! Needless to say I wasn't the 1st person to quit because of her!! You must protect yourself and your baby and remove that kind of stress from your life as quickly as possible. Try to look for the easy way out of this at your meeting just to remove it from your life. I can only imagine how much this has been on your mind. Can you explain to your boss that you're pregnant and want this meeting to go as smoothly as possible, moving to have a quick resolution? Not worth drawing it out.........................not as important as this little bub is to you!!!

As for the cramps - if it were up to me, I would be ringing the Dr asap. Don't take any chances. You want peace of mind.

AFM - off to do tour of hospital today! Excited & nervous. And yes, this talk of bubs is much more fun than talk of pregnancy!!! I'm feeling a lot better, apart from the snots and injections, but that's all manageable!!! Still digging the stringy cheese!!!

[Kaybee]

Hi Ladies,

Grub - yep, loving the baby talk. We're actually gonna have babies! Getting very impatient. But when I do, I try to remember how I felt and the forum posts from this time last year when being this far along seemed a distant hope.

Lori - it's so hard not to take these things personally. I'm a primary teacher and put my heart and every waking second (just about) into my kids and if any negative comment ever comes back to me I feel like throwing it all in and giving up. Or talking to the parents and saying 'don't you know how much I care about your child. Do you know that I was lying awake at 3am wondering how to help your son understand multiplication better...'. Things get so twisted in kids heads sometimes and when they tell their parents about something that has happened it comes out all completely wrong. And parents love their kids and trust their kids and forget to question them sometimes. I so hope your issue can be resolved easily. And if not, try to remember that it's HER issue, not yours. Some people are just twisted and always will be. Your baby needs you to be calm. I'd call the doc or that pregnancy hotline even about your cramps.

Mindhugs - how's the hospital tour go?

Bug's mum - bring on getting ready for the baby. Washing and hanging out baby clothes - it's so real. Yay!

Airline - so glad you're loving it still. Hope you're managing to get a bit of sleep.

I need to go and find a way to relax somehow. Have been living my own little nightmare lately. I think my marriage might be breaking down. Can't believe I just wrote that - wouldn't say it to anyone IRL and it's not pregnancy related. I actually think that our problems stem from LTTTC and DHs refusal to accept my pain. He always thought I should have just gotten over it each month and would never understand that it still kind of affects me now. I guess it's more the isolation I feel from not being understood all that time that has affected me the most. So, the distance has been growing for a while and we had a big blow up this weekend (over lack of sex - TMI). Anyway, he has gone away for work for the week and said he won't be back for a while. Sorry to vent about unrelated issues. I don't expect replies, but felt really good to tell someone about it. Thanks!!!

[grub17]

kaybee. Oh love, i'm really sad to hear that. maybe you guys need to go talk to someone independent and it might help. I hope things can be worked out for you, if that's what you want. I think that's a very male way of looking at things ie get over it, it's in the past move on.

anyway, of course you can share with us, especially if you can't talk IRL... you gotta talk to someone!

I hope this week away might help your DH see things from your perspective a bit.

big hugs again sweetie oxox

[Aimee]

Hi everyone

oh Kaybee - sending hugs, am so sorry to hear that. Am more than happy to listen, the stress and emotional pain from LTTTC and fertility and M/C affect our relationships and marriages, thinking of you.

Dreamrise - sorry to hear about your meeting, you really don't need that kind of stress at the moment . But hope they can work out a good solution for you. Hope the cramps have eased.

Possums - glad your FS/OB is checking on things for you.

Mindhugs - hope you enjoyed the tour!

Kelly - hope you're hanging in there!
I'm starting to get excited now which worries me as I've tried to be very low key about the whole thing. I'm starting to feel like I'm sharing my body with another person now as she often kicks me til I move out of her way and doesn't like it when I sit up straight or lean forward.

Yay! for getting ready for baby I can't wait to do the baby washing and go shopping for some soft warm winter outfits I've had summer babies so haven't been able to rug them up and I love love wrapping babies and having them cosy and warm and sleeping well. Not sure about getting up in the cold though, I guess my dressing gown and I'll become good friends again soon.

AFM - I had a scare on Friday morning (I'm a deep sleeper) and was woken by an intense pain after 4am, lower back and pelvis that I couldn't get rid of and was so bad I couldn't stay home (freaked out and thought I was in labour I had also had diarrhoea the night before), it even came in 1/2min intervals. The hospital told me to come straight in, the car ride was excruciating. My blood pressure dropped I went dizzy and had to be wheeled in. The nurse started giving me gas while waiting for my OB to arrive but I vomited it up (I've never had it before). Then when my OB came and checked me, the pain disappeared as quickly as it came, what the. I felt so stupid!!!!! I normally never go into the hospital unless I'm desperate. I'm glad everything was ok though. They said I could stay in for monitoring and rest (gave me the lunch and dinner menu) but I was happy to go home after a few tests. I wonder if its from my OHSS ovaries, they have been aching for a few days and were very swollen at my scan last week.
Is anyone else's ovaries still aching?

Also if anyone else has a sore back or tummy making bending difficult picking up after kids/toddlers all day my mum got me one of the claw things from the hardware store. So good for picking up all those toy cars and dressups and things lying around!

Big hello to everyone else! I'm really enjoying chatting about our little ones and hope you're all well.

xoxo

[dreamrise659]

Lori - it's so hard not to take these things personally. I'm a primary teacher and put my heart and every waking second (just about) into my kids and if any negative comment ever comes back to me I feel like throwing it all in and giving up. Or talking to the parents and saying 'don't you know how much I care about your child. Do you know that I was lying awake at 3am wondering how to help your son understand multiplication better...'. Things get so twisted in kids heads sometimes and when they tell their parents about something that has happened it comes out all completely wrong. And parents love their kids and trust their kids and forget to question them sometimes. I so hope your issue can be resolved easily. And if not, try to remember that it's HER issue, not yours. Some people are just twisted and always will be. Your baby needs you to be calm. I'd call the doc or that pregnancy hotline even about your cramps.

I need to go and find a way to relax somehow. Have been living my own little nightmare lately. I think my marriage might be breaking down. Can't believe I just wrote that - wouldn't say it to anyone IRL and it's not pregnancy related. I actually think that our problems stem from LTTTC and DHs refusal to accept my pain. He always thought I should have just gotten over it each month and would never understand that it still kind of affects me now. I guess it's more the isolation I feel from not being understood all that time that has affected me the most. So, the distance has been growing for a while and we had a big blow up this weekend (over lack of sex - TMI). Anyway, he has gone away for work for the week and said he won't be back for a while. Sorry to vent about unrelated issues. I don't expect replies, but felt really good to tell someone about it. Thanks!!!

Hi Kaybee,
I'm so sorry to hear about the problems you and your hubby are experiencing. As I've done this all on my own I can't really comment on how it would effect a relationship but I know that I have found it hard that none of my friends understand what I have been through and even now that I'm 20 weeks pregnant the stress of trying to concieve doesn't leave you. I still have alot of mixed emotions about my journey so I'm sure if I had a partner who didn't understand it would be really difficult.

I am also a qualified primary teacher (and TAFE teacher and Librarian) and worked as a primary teacher for 3 years. I think parents often have no idea how much we put our heart and soul into our kids and like you said we lie awake at night thinking about how we can better help them. I used to tell my friends that full-time teaching is atleast a 60 hour a week job. It's not the easy job with lots of holidays that they think it is. That's why I went back to library work and then into the TAFE sector (where I worked 15 paid hours a week so really around 30 hours a week by the time you factor in curriculum planning and marking etc). I went into Family Day Care as a low stress alternative for my final round of IVF and until this complaint it had been low stress and I had been enjoying it. It was long hours (47.5 paid hours per week and I still spent some of my own time planning and preparing activities etc) but still less than fulltime teaching and I could be home with my daughter.

I remember at one school I had one parent who, when I called her in to discuss her son's behaviour, asked me why I couldn't "make him behave". Now if she couldn't get him to behave at home (where she has more options of discpline such as taking away after school activities or TV viewing rights etc) how did she expect me to get him to behave without her support. It was one of those days that I just wanted to throw my arms up in the air but the next day I had another parent tell me how much her daughter enjoyed a particular activity I had organised the week before so that made me feel better and battle on. When I left that school I had alot of the parents and students tell me how much they would miss me and how great I had been etc. So you just have to hold on to those positives.

Lori
DD - 14
Bub due 28th Aug

[dreamrise659]

Just a few quick hellos

Kelly, I'm glad everything is going well and it sounds like the boys might be here soon. Best wishes with it all.

Yogi Bear, good luck with this cycle. I really hope it works and it will all be worth it. I found stress was a major factor for me so hope you can find some ways to try to stay as unstressed as possible! I think accupuncture did help in that regard. But in my case quitting my stressful job prior to my last cycle was the main difference I think. Fingers crossed that this will be the one.

Aimee, I agree you did the right thing going to the hospital, though I can relate to the feeling silly when it then stops (part of the reason I so rarely go to the Dr or hospital - but that's not a good thing because then sometimes what was a minor thing can end up really severe - like when I got such a bad case of thrush). I'm glad it's all okay now.

Will post seperate post to tell about my big day yesterday.

Lori
DD - 14
Bub due 28th Aug - possibly a girl!