Thanks Jo. Rationally I know this. Tonight I am just feeling miserable. I am scared and I am feeling guilty. I am not anywhere as sick as you were and so in some ways I feel silly for even complaining.

I want this more than anything. But I also want to be me - and I can feel that slipping away already. I am thinking about the spare room and how I need to pack up my scrapbooking stuff and that I always imagined I would be scrapbooking in those final few weeks of pregnancy and just enjoying that - and I realised the other day that I won't be able to there really is no where in the house for me to have a quiet corner for "me". It's like I will disappear and become mum and part for me wants that - and another part is freaking out about that.

As I write this I am sure many mums feel this way - LTTTC or not. I guess LTTTC just adds to the guilt about it. Cause in my case DH would have been happy without kids so I am feeling the pressure to let him have all his spaces - he doesn't have to get rid of ANY of his "stuff". He gets a double garage full of toys and tools. But all my "stuff" gets stored. And I kind of resent that - then feel guilty for resenting it - after all this is my fault. This is what I wanted.

Oh. I know I am being exceptionally irrational - my brain is running away with itself. I just want baby to pop out healthy so I can worry about a live baby - rather than stressing about whether this is really "IT".