I guess this is on my mind lately as it was ANZAC day last year when we had the egg collection that gave us Samuel, but I'm finding myself thinking a lot on what to actually do with our remaining embryos.
To start with - I'm not in any hurry to try for number 2. I'm on some serious medication which I need to be on for around 12 months, and then off for at least 3 and preferably 6 months before we are even able to start trying again, so it's not something that's on the agenda any time soon.
I'm also not entirely sure I want to have another baby. For now, Samuel is enough because he is more than we ever thought we'd have... And do I really want to go through morning sickness, severe anemia and face premature delivery again? Do I really want to put myself through the struggles to breastfeed again? At this stage that's a definite no.
But... We have two frozen embryos. I can't just throw them out or donate them to science - they simply are not options for us, and we knew that before we started. We did say before we started that any embryos we can't/won't use would be donated to another couple, but I feel VERY differently about that now that Samuel is here. Especially in the light of how I felt when I found out that I was expecting a boy. I couldn't love my little boy more, but I suspect I will always long for a daughter (yes, at the same time as not really wanting another child - strange, I know!) and I just don't know how I'd cope if I found out that someone had a girl from one of our embryos.
So... the logical step is to work myself up (and I've got about 18 months to do it, so plenty of time) to the point where I DO want another child and go back and have my last embryos transferred.
But... There's always another but... I am absolutely positively certain that I will NOT go through another egg collection. When I've had three and had OHSS to varying degrees with all three and been hospitalised with it, I'm just not putting myself through it again and leaving Sam with a mother unable to care for him for months because she's got so sick...
So how do I convince myself that I want another child enough to be able to go back for those last embryos? But not so much that I won't be able to stop if they don't work?
I really can't decide where the stats point with us. Out of 5 embryo transfers I've had 4 pregnancies and 3 miscarriages... I've got a good chance that an embryo will take, but it seems just as good a chance that I will miscarry (apart from the fact that we now know which combination of drugs worked in getting us to almost term with Samuel). On the other hand, of 11 frozen embryos, only 4 have ever defrosted to be usable. But they were all blastocysts and we have two day three embryos frozen and I wasn't hyperstimulated anywhere near as badly for these ones as I was for the other...
I feel like I can run around and around in circles and get nowhere. I'm not even entirely sure what I'm asking or thinking at the moment, I just know that I've got to get this out of my head and hopefully get some feedback on it. I also feel kind of silly worrying about this now as the point where we do anything about it at all is a long way into the future...
BW - do you have a ertain age gap that you are aiming for? If not then I would just relax and wait, the urge to have another baby will come. For us it was 3 yrs after DS was born that I wanted to have another baby he was 4 when we actually decided to ttc. After I had my DD I would have gone back the next day to have another, different pregnancy differnt baby.
If you aren't on any time constraints then I would sit back and enjoy your gorgeous little boy now while he is still little.
I thinks its perfectly normal not to want to think about another baby whilst Sam is still so young. I would leave it as Sarah says and not make any decisions for a while, can you just not think about it??
Not thinking about it would be a great option. Just not working today... I guess that was the disadvantage of having our EPU on a significant date - I will ALWAYS remember when my trigger was, when my collection was, when my transfer was, when my positive pregnancy test was... all because there's this ANZAC day landmark in the middle of it!
But to some extent, not thinking about it isn't really an option either. As it's just not as easy as stopping the pill and going at it like rabbits... it means stopping the methotrexate and praying my arthritis will hold out, getting back on metformin, prednisone and aspirin, finding either a new doctor or a new clinic (mine left the clinic where my embryos are stored)... and probably a heap of other things as well.
I'll be 35 by the time I've given the methotrexate the 12 months my rheumy wants me to... and that brings in the scary age factor, and brings to mind another question of whether maternal age is a huge issue with frozen transfers? I know that for the nuchal testing they will take my age from when the eggs were collected, but surely there would be some impact on whether the embryo will implant or not?
I think an old friend on facebook summed it up quite well this morning... I think too much.
Boy have you 'been through it'. What an incredbily long and I am sure emotional journey to finally have your little bub, congratulations.
My view is this; it was only 4-months ago that you gave birth, which is not long ago at all. It sounds like there is a chance that you and your DH will want another baby. So while there is any chance at all that you may want to try for #2, the logical thing to do is to keep hold of those precious embies. There will be a point in time where you will decide if you'll go for #2, but I suspect that will be a little way off (given your medical situation as well). I have never been through IVF so I can't relate to going through transfers etc, but I can only imagine how draining that would be. If you do decide to try again, there is nothing wrong with deciding to try with the last 2 and if it fails call it a day - so easy for me to say isn't it As for the age thing, it would be worth asking your clinic for stats on age to compare your age now to 35.
All the very best with whatever you decide. It is so nice to see that someone who has been through a hard time, finally has there precious baby
BW - i agree with the friend that said on FB that you think too much - but given i too know the significance of the dates you're referring to (esp the BFP ) i know how much this week is playing on your mind.
maybe, being that we're both of similar natures, you could approach it as i would in your circs - firstly, i would close out the information that there are embryo's waiting. not easy, but if you try to distance yourself from the emotion of those two embies, it might help. look at this as a step by step process. firstly, you have to get through 12 months on the meds. at the end of those 12 months, wean yourself from the meds - if it works and you're not in pain, you can contemplate the next step - if you find you can't function, then the answer is taken out of your hands. one step at a time hun. if you CAN function without the MTX, then you look at the next step - are you ready physically and emotionally to have another child? are you ready to face the potential of both success or of failure?
this time of year is going to be hard - but it's a short time frame for you to mull it over and hopefully, with luck, after Mother's Day, you'll be able to move forward and not dwell on this until this time next year - in which time you'll be hopefully weaned off the MTX a few weeks, you'll be able to contemplate it as a near possibility, not a future you can't comprehend at the moment... hope that makes sense hun...
Where to from here?
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As for the age thing, it would be worth asking your clinic for stats on age to compare your age now to 35. 
) i know how much this week is playing on your mind. 
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