Hey everyone,
I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, to post, because I don't want to make it worse. But here goes.
Somehow I am pregnant. Naturally. I was all ready for ICSI to start in June and then ... my period didn't arrive and I had a positive pregnancy test. That was two weeks ago. I was so happy. For about 2 days.
Then, I started spotting. And since then, I've had quite a few episodes (mainly brown, but lasting 2 or 3 days at a time and two red/orange spots, when wiping - I know it's a bit TMI). Anyway. I had an early scan to check for ectopic (not, it's in the uterus) and I've got one on Thursday to check for heartbeat. I'm probably around 6 weeks right now. My HCG levels were fine and doubling. I have symptoms and feel like I'm still "pregnant" (ie sick to my guts, exhausted). But I'm also having low sudden pains, esp at night. I recently had a lap and it reminds me of the sensations after the lap.
I am just crying all the time. Especially when I have to go to the toilet, and then I see the brown stains on the TP. I am so afraid of losing the pregnancy.
I am trying to "stay calm" and I know it's 50/50 chance, so that can be seen as glass half full.
I just don't know how to relax. Perhaps I should give up on relaxing.
Reading stuff online is terrible for someone like me (a bit depressive) because I can only seem to notice the stories with the sad ending.
I am so incredibly grateful to have become pregnant, and I would be so glad to continue and see a baby in Feb.
At first, I didn't tell anyone. Now I've told two close workmates and our families know. It was too stressful going it alone.
I just wanted to put it out there really, because I don't really know anyone who might understand this as much as some of the people on here.
Can I ask, if you have had a loss, please don't tell me about it now? I know that it happens, and it could well happen to me, but it's not helpful for me to dwell on that right now.
Best of luck to all,
WW