Hey everyone,
I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do, to post, because I don't want to make it worse. But here goes.
Somehow I am pregnant. Naturally. I was all ready for ICSI to start in June and then ... my period didn't arrive and I had a positive pregnancy test. That was two weeks ago. I was so happy. For about 2 days.
Then, I started spotting. And since then, I've had quite a few episodes (mainly brown, but lasting 2 or 3 days at a time and two red/orange spots, when wiping - I know it's a bit TMI). Anyway. I had an early scan to check for ectopic (not, it's in the uterus) and I've got one on Thursday to check for heartbeat. I'm probably around 6 weeks right now. My HCG levels were fine and doubling. I have symptoms and feel like I'm still "pregnant" (ie sick to my guts, exhausted). But I'm also having low sudden pains, esp at night. I recently had a lap and it reminds me of the sensations after the lap.
I am just crying all the time. Especially when I have to go to the toilet, and then I see the brown stains on the TP. I am so afraid of losing the pregnancy.
I am trying to "stay calm" and I know it's 50/50 chance, so that can be seen as glass half full.
I just don't know how to relax. Perhaps I should give up on relaxing.
Reading stuff online is terrible for someone like me (a bit depressive) because I can only seem to notice the stories with the sad ending.
I am so incredibly grateful to have become pregnant, and I would be so glad to continue and see a baby in Feb.
At first, I didn't tell anyone. Now I've told two close workmates and our families know. It was too stressful going it alone.
I just wanted to put it out there really, because I don't really know anyone who might understand this as much as some of the people on here.
Can I ask, if you have had a loss, please don't tell me about it now? I know that it happens, and it could well happen to me, but it's not helpful for me to dwell on that right now.
Best of luck to all,
WW
worrywart all I can suggest is look at the positives. Bub is in the right place and HCG was doubling. That is fantastic. No one wants to see bleeding in pregnancy so of course your worried but its brown mostly so that is great and it doesn't sound like your in pain with the bleeding just at night which is also normal to have some stretching pain. You still feel pregnant which is great. Any other symptoms like sore boobs etc? I hope Thursday comes quick for you and your scan shows a lovely little bub with a gorgeous heartbeat then you can relax a little more. I know this probably doesn't help but just wanted to point out the good things. When you have had such a difficult journey to get to this point I think your anxiety is 1000 times worse. Sending you stacks of sticky vibes.
One of the girls in my belly buddies group has had frequent spotting and another one had a few episodes of bleeding around the six week mark too. Just wanted to let you know that it does happen! Both these girls are now nearly 20 weeks pregnant, so there is lots of hope for you hun! Also alot of people have stretching pains, I still get them if I turn over in bed at night, all of a sudden its a searing ouchy pain in my lower lower tummy, so you're not alone there either.
I had bleeding at 5 & 6 weeks. Quite heavy. It's not that uncommon actually, but knowing that doesn't make it any less stressful of course. I hope that your scan goes beautifully on Thursday and you can find a bit of reassurance. Taken together with a baby in the right spot and nicely rising HCg that sounds very good. And, cramping, even painful cramping, is quite normal in early pregnancy also - I think especially for a first pregnancy as your uterus is stretching out for the first time.
Can I be quietly excited for you? Pregnancy can be a very stressful time, and even more so for the LTer. You get so used to disappointment and failure it's hard to accept when things go right. And then I think there comes the dawning realisation that although you've finally reached the point you've been aiming for for years, this is really only the start of your journey.
If it makes you feel any better I had some cramping and bright red bleeding at about week 5 which totally freaked me out. Then I had brown spotting a few times after that.
Like you I went to the doc and Hcg levels were good and then the six week scan showed a strong hearbeat. My FS told me that about 1 in 4 women will have bleeds during pregnancy so we shouldn't be so scared by them.
I hope this helps to ease some of your concern and that Thursday gives you more peace.
Maggie
Last edited by Maggie; June 15th, 2010 at 02:15 PM.
Worrywort,
Firstly, congratulations - I remember your name from the forums and are so happy for you!!
I know it may be hard to believe and difficult to get excited about, but what you are experiencing is very normal for lots of women. My positive story for you is that of my sister - she didn't tell me she was pregnant until she was 13 week, the 1st 12 weeks she was cramping and bleeding a lot, she didn't want to tell me she was pregnant as she was so worried she would lose the baby and didn't want to upset me as she knows how hard it was for us to have our little girl. My Mum told me afterwards my sister was convinced the pregnancy was going to end as she kept bleeding and the doctors weren't sure why she was bleeding but everything seemed fine with the baby. Like you, my sister was pretty sick during pregnancy and this was the strongest sign for her that everything was OK.
My sister is due in just a few weeks and the baby is perfect. I hope this gives you some hope and will be thinking of you on Thursday!
xxx
Spotting can be really horrible and a constant worry.
If its any help, with my first DD I had brown spotting every time I went to the toilet (bowel movement sorry if thats TMI) and after BD. With my second DD I had so much brown and pink spotting I thought I had a period, I still had spotting for quite a few weeks and on and off during the pregnancy (after bowel movements and BD again). Both girls were born perfectly healthy and born on time!
I wish you all the best and hope everything is going well!
Thanks everyone for these supportive comments.
Well, I just got back from the scan and there's some good news and some fairly worrying news.
The good news is that the pregnancy looks good - the fetus looks normal and the heart beat is good.
The concerning thing is the bulge on the scan. I might have forgotten to mention this last time, but our doctor saw a small bulge near the placenta or thereabouts (this was 5.5 weeks). Well, it's still there, and now they're saying that we need to come back in two weeks for another scan to rule out a "partial mole". This is a fairly rare but definitely bad condition, ie it ends the pregnancy.
We were kind of happy, but also seriously worried. The doctors are so neutral.
So, of course I googled "partial mole" and then I learnt the full extent of this problem - not only does it end the pregnancy, but it seems you need to wait a year to try conceiving again (and sometimes have chemotherapy because it's like a cancer). Well, I mean, that sounds .... just terrible.
I hesitated to even put this up here. I have read loads of horror stories already. I mean, I've been through 3.5 years of trying already - what's a year's break? But still ... it just sounds so terrifying.
Trying to stay positive, but basically submerged in fear right now.
Thanks again everyone for the words of support,
WW
x
Oh worrywort
Normal looking, good heartbeat - that's great news!
Do you have lots to keep you busy for the next 2 weeks (not googling, please!)? Will be thinking of you and hope you get the all clear.
Hi ww, im sorry you have been left with this to stew over for the next few days/week.
could the bulge be a SCH (sub cronic hemotoma?) this is what i had and what cause my bleeding till 15 weeks.
Having a good HB is fantastic. i dont know much about partial mole pg, but think i read somewhere that they can also continue? i think there is another thread in BB with information on it, Im terrible at google too.
I had bleeding/cramping like you described and it was a subchorionic haematoma - bleeding stopped by about 10 weeks and now I have a healthy 1 year old. Bleeding is horrible and so very stressful, but it doesn't always result in a bad outcome.
Thanks everyone for your comments.
There's no suggestion that it's a SCH. I had thought that too, along with my mum. We are habitual self-diagnosers.
All I can say is that the Internet is pure evil. I'm trying to find a story of someone who had been told that this was a possibility for them, and then it was ruled out (ie a happy end) but that story isn't out there.
I guess I'm struggling to have hope because I'm finding it hard to even remember or articulate what the doctors said might be the alternative (good) diagnosis - basically, because it was super-vague, like "Oh, ah ... just a cystic area of the placenta that will eventually be taken over by healthy placenta". That certainly doesn't sound as convincing as the "partial mole" thing.
It's just become a complete reality in my mind, and I'm already grieving (plus feeling pretty ill). I wish that I could be more of an optimist, or at least, a bit more neutral like my DH. He's busy building a cat enclosure right now (our cat is being bullied). I have nearly two weeks still to get through, and most of the time I am convinced that it will be a bad outcome. I find it hard to imagine a good one. I have read so many stories of people having this condition, and most of them say it's the worst thing they've ever been through, and some of these ladies are completely fertile and got pregnant really easily anyway, you know.
It just seems a fait accomplit. I think it's because ever since this started (TTC), progressively every stage has been worse, and we have got worse and worse news/outcomes. We were the 1 per cent of people who had no eggs fertilise. Why shouldn't we be the 1 in 1000 who has this rare condition?
I feel so low right now. I know that feelings change, but I feel so sad contemplating another year of waiting and then trying again. I don't think I can do that. I think I'll probably give up then. I just think it will break me.
Trying to just get through the day right now,
WW
Worrywart have you had a scan or another BT since you first posted? The waiting sounds like torture (and I have been there myself last year) it is torture.
Has the spotting stopped or the same etc? I hope you get answers soon.
Sorry I missed a post about the ?partial mole bit. Now if it was a huge concern to them I'd imagine they would want you back in less then 2weeks so that is good that they want to wait 2weeks right? And a HB how fantastic.
With the molar pregnancies I have known there has not been a HB (although I have heard of when there has been) and usually its either diagnosed later on when its obvious or from tissue sample after a D&C as bub hasn't had a HB.
The trick thing with ultrasounds is until they get to a certain size so many things look like something they are not. With a scan I had to rule out ectopic pregnancy they could see 2 sacs in the uterus with no fetal poles however the pregnancy was ectopic after all (they discovered this 4weeks after the first scan which said the gestational sacs were in the uterus but empty) then they turned around and said it was probably mucos although the report said they were gestation sacs. Some haemorrage like a SCH or a blob of mucous or uterus lining could be seen something else IYKWIM. I know this is not making it any easier but just trying to show how there is still a really good chance you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy once this hurdle is overcome and if they did indeed think the pregnancy was molar or partial they wouldn't want to continue doing nothing for another 2weeks.
I am praying so hard for you that you have your bub safe and sound in another 7-7.5months
Thanks, Mildez. Your comments are actually really helpful. I suppose I sometimes think of doctors as these objective infallible scientists who can diagnose as the merest hint of some grey blob on a screen.
Sorry to hear about your experience with the scans and the ectopic. That must have been very hard.
Thanks for praying too. I am trying to do that a bit, as much as I can.
WW
Hi Worrywort,
I don't have any advice other than I am thinking and praying of you and so sorry you have to experience such stress. The internet is truly awfus as you can spend so long trying to find something to tell you a situation is OK. Just know we are all stronger than we realise, and I hope your little one is strong too and in a couple of weeks this will be a memory.
xxx
Can I make a suggestion - feel free to take it or leave it. If it were me (& I am a worrier too) I would book myself into a fetal medicine unit and have a specialist look. It's so true what another poster said about the ultrasounds being so difficult to decipher so early. The better the machine, the more experienced the operator the more likely you are to have a more positive diagnosis.
This is most definitely what I would be doing. You are going to make yourself sick if you continue on for another 14 days this way. Just an idea.
Sending you all my support and love.
ETA: Also what were your Bhcg levels? This can also be a pointer... Just a thought.
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worried sick
Pregnancy can be a very stressful time, and even more so for the LTer. You get so used to disappointment and failure it's hard to accept when things go right. And then I think there comes the dawning realisation that although you've finally reached the point you've been aiming for for years, this is really only the start of your journey.
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