I think when you've had your heart broken enough you sometimes tend to lean toward the pessimistic side out of survival, you know? I know if or when I finally get pregnant again and we make it past 12wks I will still be waiting for that blow to come, that its not real or that I get my hopes up and get to my 'safe' point only to have it taken away anyway. Its like guarding your feelings so you dont or wont hurt as bad if something should go wrong. So dont feel like its something unique to you or that you wont bond with the baby, because I think you will when its healthy and in your arms. Alot of us have been there