How do I do it?

[~Stoked~]

Hi,

Im currently nearly 17 weeks pregnant with my third baby.

I'm having a hard time bonding with this baby and I think it is because of my miscarriages. I had a missed m/c in June last year and three earlier m/c's spanning over 13 years.

This pregnancy started off a bit rough. I was spotting, bleeding and cramping, had lowish and slow rising hcg levels.. So I was convinced that this one wouldn't be sticking around either. I still don't believe I'm having a baby, just that im pregnant ITMS. I am feeling so guilty towards this baby! How do I start believing that everything is going to be ok? Is that even possible? I thought I'd feel better after reaching my safe points but I don't. I don't think there is a safe point now until baby is in my arms.

I'm not feeling the excitement I felt during my other pregnancies, just a cloud of uncertainty hanging over me all the time

Any advice would be awesome xx

[tellytubby]

Oh matey

I can only imagine the position you're in, and to be honest, I can understand why you would be feeling this way..
Perhaps when bubby starts giving you nice, strong, kicks it will really "click"..... ?

I wish there was something I could do... something I could say.. to help you enjoy this pregnancy.

Could you possibly buy some pregnancy and baby magazines? Or some new birthing books? I know Ina May has some different ones also.. I just know that when I started reading and doing all things pregnancy, it all became a reality. Buy a new wondersuit?? size 0000

There is a baby in your Nancy, haha. And he is going to be in your arms in a couple of months

Love you xox

[diannescruffy]

hun, I felt exactly the same with my last pregnancy, I wouldn't allow myself to bond. It wasn't until she was born that we had an instant bond and very special bond.

Regards,
Dianne

[~Stoked~]

Oh Telly, I could kiss you! You always know the right things to say. You're a shining star and I love you xxxx

Thanks Dianne. I am sure once the baby is born I'll be fine.. It's just such a scary time!

[Melster]

Stoked,

I was feeling exactly the same as you!!!

I was a nightmare from week 1- week 13 then it eased a little bit and then i wasnt as bad. But every appointment, every scan, every niggle i would have bad bad anxiety...even the one a few days ago i was only ok when i saw the hbeat. and i have been feeling better since i have been feeling bubby move a bit. i probably rub my tummy a bit more now and now i know she is a girl i will have a name for her and can associated to her a bit more. She is more real now.

Dont feel bad for the way you are feeling, its very hard when you have had losses and its completely normal. Maybe try not to put to much pressure on yourself to feel different. Maybe less pressure will help. Just allow yourself to feel the way you do and be ok in that. Maybe once you have you're 19 week scan you'll feel a bit different

Hugs

[tellytubby]

Just allow yourself to feel the way you do and be ok in that.
Hugs

Beautifully worded Melster xx

[~Stoked~]

Stoked,

I was feeling exactly the same as you!!!

I was a nightmare from week 1- week 13 then it eased a little bit and then i wasnt as bad. But every appointment, every scan, every niggle i would have bad bad anxiety...even the one a few days ago i was only ok when i saw the hbeat. and i have been feeling better since i have been feeling bubby move a bit. i probably rub my tummy a bit more now and now i know she is a girl i will have a name for her and can associated to her a bit more. She is more real now.

Dont feel bad for the way you are feeling, its very hard when you have had losses and its completely normal. Maybe try not to put to much pressure on yourself to feel different. Maybe less pressure will help. Just allow yourself to feel the way you do and be ok in that. Maybe once you have you're 19 week scan you'll feel a bit different

Hugs

Thankyou Melster xx You are so right. I do need to stop putting pressure on myself. Hopefully I'll start getting some nice strong movements soon.. I think that will help xx

[Freya]

I think when you've had your heart broken enough you sometimes tend to lean toward the pessimistic side out of survival, you know? I know if or when I finally get pregnant again and we make it past 12wks I will still be waiting for that blow to come, that its not real or that I get my hopes up and get to my 'safe' point only to have it taken away anyway. Its like guarding your feelings so you dont or wont hurt as bad if something should go wrong. So dont feel like its something unique to you or that you wont bond with the baby, because I think you will when its healthy and in your arms. Alot of us have been there

[Rach75]

just because you dont bond during pg the moment you lay your eyes on that innocent creature all will be for gotten and you will know instant love