Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss #9

[worrywart]

Hello to everyone here, and congratulations on your pregnancies (and your DD, myturn!). Sending love and support your ways for healthy and happy babies.

I have just booked in for my viability/dating scan in a couple of weeks time, and the anxiety has hit me like a truck. I have my DS 3, but lost my second pregnancy (blighted ovum) in April. Feeling scared suddenly. I'm only 5 weeks 1 day today, and no morning sickness yet, but plenty of fatigue and frequent peeing and sore/full bbs. Trying to tell myself that having no morning sickness yet really means nothing - I felt awful with my previous pregnancy, and that was no positive indicator in the end. But yeh... just trying to stay positive and enjoy every moment as best I can. Finding it hard to get support IRL - not through anyone's fault, just don't have any friends who have been through similar experiences.

Hey Lee, I almost could have written your post! Almost. We are in pretty much the same boat. I am probably exactly 5 weeks today, but I am saying 4 weeks 6 days, because I think my embryo was still at the day 4 stage when it was transferred on day 5, and because it makes me feel a bit better, because absolutely no morning sickness here either. I just want it to start.

I had a miscarriage in early May which was about 7.5 weeks, picked up at an early scan at 8 weeks (it was identical twins with Downs, which I didn't know could cause a miscarriage but it can sometimes). I didn't have morning sickness with that pregnancy and with my DD (also 3) I had constant nausea from (I can't be sure) about the 5th week til maybe week 14.

So I am having the thought pop up a lot that "it's not a good sign not to have morning sickness". This is such a hard process. Obviously, we can say, worrying won't change things. Conserve your energy. Live life in the present. But these thoughts are going to persist quite a bit in this time. I have fatigue and sore bbs too, so that is something. I am not sure if it is self-protection but I start to tell myself that "it won't work/don't get your hopes up" ... I guess to feel more in control. In pregnancy, as in life, your lack of control is just so profound, you know. It is like this lesson - You are not in charge!!

lots of peaceful thoughts your way and praying that you are sick ASAP, along with me Or I should say, that whatever happens, sickness being no guarantee, symptoms aside, we both get our healthy babies in 8 months.

WW
x

[lee09]

Hi WW, Thank you for your reply. I'm so sorry about your babies, that is devastating. I hope we can give each other support and comfort in the months ahead - and fingers crossed we both start feeling sick soon to take a little weight off our minds! I looked back at my pregnancy journal for DS and I didn't note nausea until 5 weeks 4 days, and it didn't get awful until a few days after that, into the seventh week. It really is so early still, just have to keep reminding myself of that!

Keep us posted on how things are getting on.

[myturn]

Thanks lee xox will be crossing everything that this is a sticky one for you.

It's really hard. But eventually each milestone passes and you feel a little better. The anxiety never really passes. But it's manageable. I guess that's what grief is. It's always there. You just live with it in a manageable way. And I don't mean that in as depressing a way as it sounds it just is, what it is!

[worrywart]

Thanks Lee. I am very sorry about your miscarriage in April. That must have been so hard. Do you have a date booked for your scan? I am going in on Tuesday 5 August. I am trying not to tick off the days. I just want to enjoy this time while I can. But I would like a bit of reassurance obviously. I keep looking to the body for symptoms and it is all very quiet, apart from sore bbs (which I have a lot anyway) and fatigue (ditto, also just came off caffeine). It was helpful to hear that your morning sickness with your DS started after the 5th week. I am pretty sure mine was around the same time with my DD. It is so early, isn't it? It is like a watched pot over here (with the not boiling).

Myturn, thanks also. You are right about needing to manage the anxious feelings/thoughts and be with the grief which is there, even though it can feel like you're "over it".

WW
x

[worrywart]

Hey Lee, how are you going?? I am ok. No spotting yet thank goodness, but I will try to take it in stride if it does happen (it started around this time with my last pregnancies). Not much nausea, though maybe the occasional very mild 5 minutes or so. When are you heading in for your scan? How are you feeling?

I feel quite alone. I was posting a bit on the LTTTC thread but I get the feeling I shouldn't be posting there still. I am not sure. I haven't told any friends or family, and I am starting to feel a bit unhappy in myself. I just felt blue yesterday all of a sudden, then thought, is this a form of PMT and I'll miscarry soon? I have chronic pain too which flares up at stressful times, and for no reason whatever. We have moved house and I am a bit isolated because I can't drive at times, and it is a bit further away from friends. Friends are lovely and do come to see me, but I feel like the lady in the tower at times. Sorry to just blurt this out in here, it is probably not the right place.

WW
x

[Joeve]

Sneaks in WW this is the perfect thread for you I remember feeling lost after my BFP. Ladies in here can relate you'll be fine, rest and take care of you!
Sneaks out.

[myturn]

WW it's the perfect place xox vent,talk, say whatever you need to say to get through the hard part xoxo we are all here for you.

[Mildez]

WW I have had problems with BB before too. I just take what is useful and leave the rest (or roll my eyes) You soon know who is supportive of you and who is not. I rarely post anymore except to update about myself and to congratulation people on their good news. When is your scan?

I have my morphology scan this week. Excited about seeing bub again but nervous they might find a problem :/ Also will be interested to see what the placenta is up to. It was basically completely covering the os at a scan at 15weeks. I am not worried about it yet as I have had all low lying placentas and even my last was extending 1cm into the os and moved up but if the scan on Friday shows it is still completely covering where it shouldn't I think I will hit panic stations.

[lee09]

Hi WW

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to your posts over the weekend. I hope you are feeling okay. Now that I have a chance to post, I can't find your original message. I hope that you are able to find the support you need, IRL or online, to get through this tough time. I know I'm struggling in that regard - I've found my only option is to behave as though the miscarriage didn't happen and this pregnancy is "business as usual", it seems to be what other people are most comfortable with and I don't know how to talk about it, really. So, if your safe place isn't here, please keep looking until you find it. Hopefully it's not too far away. Big hugs and well wishes. x

[worrywart]

Mildez, thank you so much for your post. You really hit the nail on the head. Good luck with your scan this Friday. I am really hoping that all is well with the placenta and you can feel some relief from all the stress of this pregnancy.

Lee, thank you so much too. I am ok. I haven't been too sick yet, but a little ... have my scan tomorrow. How are you going? Did you have your scan? I might try to find another site, but I am thinking of just confiding in some friends IRL. That is a great approach. Though is it what you are comfortable with? I haven't told many people. Just a dear friend in Prague who I Skype.

lots of love, patience and peace guys
WW
x

[worrywart]

Hi Guys,
Just letting you know that I had my scan today and was measuring 6 weeks 3 days and heartbeat of 126bpm. Very happy and relieved for right now. Taking it one day at a time.
Good luck for you Lee. I guess you'll have had your scan by now.
Mildez, will be thinking of you this Friday.
WW
x

[myturn]

Good news WW! Yay!

[vic261]

WW congratulations on your pregnancy. I have been following you in the LTTTC thread and was thrilled to see your BFP. This thread is a great place to post. I hid in here for ages before I posted in a BB thread. I think I was around 14 weeks before I joined my due date thread. The ladies in here are amazing tower of strengths and have endless courage to just keep going.

I had a missed m/c on my 5th IVF round. I had a D&C and managed to get pg on my 7th round of IVF a few months later. DS is now 13 months old and is perfection. My pg was a very anxious one and i didn't really get attached until the 20 week scan when we found out we were having a boy and everything looked good. Thats the reason we wanted to know what gender we were having as we were a both in denial. It really helped both of us bond with our baby. It still felt surreal though and still did until he we bought him home from the hospital.

I guess for me it was just taking each day at a time and crossing each hurdle as it came. Each test, scan, drs appt got me closer to holding my baby.

Great news on your scan.

[worrywart]

Hey Vic,
Thanks so much for your post.
I am so sorry about your m/c. That would have been heartbreaking.
I am just hanging in there.
WW
x

[Mildez]

How is everyone going?

Yeah on a good scan WW. Love your ticker. How are you feeling?

Sarah have you had your scan yet? Hope all is going well.

Lee how are you going?

Hello to everyone else. I can only see the last page at the moment.

I had my morphology scan last Friday and everything appears to be on track. Apparently I have a very vascular lower segment of the uterine wall. Say its excluded a vasa previa but my Ob didn't share any light. The placenta is 5.5cm clear of the cervix which is great as at 14weeks they were questioning if I had a placenta previa. Bub is looking well from what we can tell and I am in love So excited to see her/him wiggling around and doing all the right things. Can't believe this Saturday I will be 20weeks. Will have to log in to see my ticker I was pleased to have only put on 2.6kgs in 10weeks. Thats very good for me. In the past I have been known to gain 1kg a week. Still very fatigued but otherwise I wouldn't know I was pregnant. This is much much easier then my last bubba (take out the anxiety). Getting some regular movements now which is nice and yesterday the bub kicked my 3.5year old in the hand which was lovely. She is the first to feel it other then me

I went shopping for bub but decided everything was gender specific so came home with some wipes and a $3 materity shirt which is aweful anyway. I tried to find a pair of Pj's for after the birth but nothing was suitable (dresses or looked two tight/couldn't BF etc). Potentially going early and been due around Christmas/Newyear and being an expensive time of year I probably need to be organised for bub and Christmas before Christmas eve.

[worrywart]

Mildez, great news, congratulations! That sounds really lovely for you and your daughter to both feel the baby move. I have a 3.5 year old daughter too. Great to hear that you are shopping, too.

Lee, are you still in here?

Sarah, I often wonder how you are going too.

AFM, I get worried when the nausea comes and goes (recently, I have hardly had any at all) but I am not spotting, and just getting through each day. I have a scan with the OB next Tuesday.

all the best,
WW
x

[Mildez]

WW thats what I did and really am still doing. Just getting 1 day at a time out of the road. Then all of a sudden I am almost half way there. I worry the lack of mental preparation for having a baby may mean I will not cope as well when bub does arrive. I think there is this protection thing we do when we don't expect to get a baby at the end of it by not been fully prepared for him/her to arrival. I am worried I am going to suddenly find myself with a newborn and wonder how that happened. Despite having movements now I find myself worrying its not enough or none at all. Silly. I've been doing that from the start from my HCG levels to minimal MS and now a minimal bump. I think I just look fat.

How is your MS today? Mine was almost non existant just the extreme fatigue, needing to pee way to much and sore boobs. They were my only real sign I was even pregnant in those first 10weeks.

[lee09]

Hello everyone.

Sorry I've been slack with responding - I've been so sick and so exhausted, I haven't even turned on the computer all week. So yes, MS kicked in with a vengeance, and I've been asleep every night before 8pm (though up before 6am for my toddler). I had my dating scan on Wednesday - it was very emotional and I didn't realise how nervous I was until I stepped into that room and all the bad feelings came back to me. Thankfully, we saw a little bean and a heartbeat, measuring a day ahead of LMP. So, now to plough through the nausea and fatigue, eyes forward to the NT scan in a month.

Glad to hear all the positive stories in here. I hope Tuesday comes around fast for you, WW, and you can see your little one on the screen again. I wouldn't worry about the MS, or lack of it. In the end, what does it mean? I had it with my last pregnancy, and it didn't work out. So, my thought is having it/not having it really doesn't mean a lot in the end. Just a reason to worry about something else... At least, I'm trying to take that approach. Easier said than done, I know.

Mildez - I don't think anyone can ever really prepare for a baby anyway. Even with my first, with no reason to worry about things going wrong, I found myself suddenly holding this wrinkly little person and thinking ... okay, so here we are - now what?! Most importantly is getting through the pregnancy, keeping our minds as healthy as possible. No books or advice from friends can really teach us how to parent - and even when they can help, they makes much more sense when the baby is actually here! I think you're doing everything right.