Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss November 2009

[Karen van]

Hello Wonderful Women!

Wish I could say I lurk on a regular basis but unfortunately I have just emerged from the self-inflicted cyber purgatory of having to catch up 2 months plus of the PAML thread while inflicting endless guilt on myself on a weekly basis for not being able to keep up better – let me be the poster girl for the cyber impaired communicator

So much fantastic news to congratulate people on –

Mollycat – lovely to hear your Matilda is with you now – a name with a lot of character

HannahD – what an amazing labour – the fast and furious ones just take your breath away don’t they! Welcome to Amelia Grace! I hope you have great joy in your journey together

Zstar – when they want to come they just come – fantastic to hear Billy is doing so well – you just have to marvel at how ferociously emotional such a little baggage can make you

Babymiracles and WTH – sorry to hear that you have both been battling with silent reflux with your little ones – Sabriyya (DD) had that and a very unpredictable gut and it was not fun – I remember the fretful feeds and lack of sleep vividly now – which is funny (sadly) as at the time it was more an uncomfortable blur – I hope both your bubs respond well and come to move on from the condition quickly

Erybery and Chappas – seen you doing the odd lurk – hasn’t time passed so quickly? – hope your first Christmas with bubs was a hoot!

Welcome to all of the amazing, brave women I missed the privilege of travelling with on this incredible road – Indi1, Tina R, Twin Sis, Tanya, Rachie, josh’smum, Kellym, milly 5, Sunny09, cantwaittobeamum, Cherished1, tashybabe and eliselouise85 – it is so hard sometimes in the earlier days having faith and just being in the moment – and the more we try and comfort ourselves with information – sometimes the less innocent and accepting it can make us. When I look back at my posts and blogs in the first trimester last year – they are full of me reliving the previous miscarriage and the fear that its shadow cast over my new pregnancy – I felt (and still do feel a bit guilty now) guilty that my thoughts couldn’t be exclusively with my growing baby and them alone – but it was a part of my grieving and the letting go – and until you go through each sad ‘milestone’ of the previous m/c/s and get beyond it – it seems that that is when many people feel their faith renew and relax into the experience as genuine and of its own integrity. My heart goes out to people who have experienced late losses as this is a real challenge of strength and I hope if this is the case for anyone here they have the love and support of many positive people in their lives.

Appreciate the progesterone issues – I could fall pregnant but a shortened luteal phase (care of low prog) made it difficult for me to stay pregnant – I had to work hard to extend that luteal phase raise the levels to a good strength to keep my last pg – good luck to all here working with this – it is so worth the effort!

Greenslw – wish you had a cooler run for the last trimester – it is seriously not fun – I remember the few times I visited rellies in Adelaide it could be brutal in summer and freezing in winter (esp. in the Barossa) – must be those fierce Southern winds – hope your time off work allows you to get done what you need to do nesting wise – I always get caught out one room short of being organised! I don’t go back to teaching part-time until next January but we will be seriously povo in the meantime – my last bub so I just can’t think of missing out… Squeak is going to have such a great mum in you!

Smallfryplus – I really enjoyed hearing your jellysprog is an active little girl – I sympathise with the sore feet – I had really sensitive feet this last pregnancy and unfortunately it has continued with the bf-ing keeping the softening hormones in the building – not fun when I jump up on the tiles in the morning but it passes as the day goes on – Hope something gives you relief or it disappears on jellysprog’s arrival!

Josh’smum – I am sorry to hear that your mum has been diagnosed – my partner’s mum has been in treatment for breast cancer for two years now and is on her last two treatments before check-ups and hormone therapy – I hope that the prognosis is good and she responds well

Tashybabe – good luck with your homebirthing plans – it is always a challenging choice as it is interesting how other people receive the news. I hope you have a wonderful relationship with your midwife. My DD (now 4) and DS (4 months) were born at home with two different but equally talented and compassionate midwives and I had beautiful births (full on but just such an initiation into womanhood) which I will always treasure and which my daughter was lucky enough to experience and be a part of (she gives great backrubs and is a great water runner). I hope your experience is a rich and fulfilling one.

Jenushka – hope everything is going well for you and your family!

Meg's mum - I loved hearing how you are going - you were always so positive and such a great support!

Oh and Cherished1 – I don’t think you’re a hippy – I did a sage smudge after my m/c in 2008 and before I fell pg in Jan 2009 to try and free the house and myself and that process did help me feel that my new pg was essentially an independent, fresh event deserving of its own happiness – even though I had those dark moments from time to time.

AFM – Joss is now 4 months old and attempting to dive bomb off anything raised and spends most of his days cracking himself up (and us for that matter) – he looks like a little old man when you put hats on him and we have discovered he looks good with a velvet butterfly sitting on his bum (sorry – mum’s been doing some ‘creative’ photography – but he is a good-natured model) – Sabriyya is running around the kitchen tweeting at 9 o’clock at night because a yellow honeyeater has flown into the kitchen from the patio – otherwise she is looking forward to Kindy next week one minute and is clinging for dear life in the next trying to be a big girl but still wanting to be our baby. My DP did the mowing this arvo with Sabriyya on his shoulders and Joss in a sling on his front – do I need to say more… And somehow I actually feel much saner this time – although how much of my brain has disappeared with two placentas is a concern – recently four of us (all mums – taught on Palm Island and travelled o/s together – haven’t been together in 7 years) sat around having dinner a few weeks ago and not one of us could think of the word for those candle thingies that go on walls (Target later taught me it was a ‘sconce’) – so it is all good

I promise to lurk more often – I’m waiting for the rest of our thread crew who went through together to have their little ones and then I promise I will stop bombarding these epics…

Happy and healthy pregnancies to everyone here and huge family hugs to everyone who has that blurry, sleepless laden joy and bewilderment that makes our children so incredible to us!

Much love
Karen van

[kirsten74]

I'm not sure how long I will be here (hopefully 9 months!) but I will stick my head in and introduce myself anyway.

I have been lurking for a couple of days, ever since I started getting nausea and tired last week and I realised that we were UTD again. AF is due today, but so far has not shown herself. The 11 (yes 11!) positive pregnancy tests done over the last few days is probably why! My DH keeps wondering why I am doing test after test when we already know the results, but I need to keep seeing that line getting darker.

I have had 3 miscarriages and have 3 healthy children. The last miscarriage was a blighted ovum back in September and due to other things, we had to wait until now to TTC. Well it has happened again (getting pregnant is the easy and fun part) and I am SCARED TO DEATH!!!!!

Mily, you could be in my head with your last post. Every time I go to the toilet I expect to see blood. I look at the paper in every light just in case it is just a smudge. I just know that it is going to be there. With the last miscarriage, we got to 9 weeks before we found out that there was no baby. There was a sack and a placenta, but no baby. As there was a placenta my HCG results kept going up and I had all of the symptoms. I thought at 9 weeks I was home and hosed.

The first miscarriage was a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks which wasn't picked up until 11 weeks, and the second was a scan revealing at 6 1/2 weeks that the baby's heartbeat was slowing and then stopped. Testing of the material revealed chromosomal abnormalities with this one, so although I was upset, I knew it was just mother nature taking its course.

This time however, I am a mess. I am crying all the time. I am yelling at the kids. Every twinge or pain is the end. I really wanted to just switch off for another 8 weeks and deal with it at the 12 week mark. If the baby was there and still alive then I would acknowledge it. But with the MS and tiredness, it is hard to forget. And just because I have symptoms doesn't mean that it is all OK. I had wicked MS with the last one right up until the D&C.

I guess I am just relieved to know that I am not a head case for having all of these feelings and that there are others out there going through this.

Hopefully I will be here for the long haul, but the voice in my head says to not get excited.

to all of us who are going through this.

Kirsten

[LittleOnes]

karen van - good to hear from you And with two little ones I'm incredibly impressed with the thoroughness of your post!! I swear you've managed to cover more than I can ever even remember when i'm posting! lol Great to know that everything is going so well and I love the image of your DH mowing the lawn with two hitchhikers!

kirsten - welcome and congratulations! I your baby keeps growing stronger and stronger and that you can stay in here for the full 9 months. It's very good that you have some answers for what has gone wrong in the past and even better that you know that you can create beautiful happy healthy babies as you've done so three times already. Let this one be the next sticky one for you

AFM the foot is mostly good now, I think the podiatrist was right when he said I had caused damage from too much walking, combined with an ankle roll just before Christmas. Seems the swelling in the joints has gone down and for the most part it's all good now.

[Cherished]

Just a quick one girls as I'm at work and dont' want to get busted!

Karen van what an amazing post and thankyou for being so inspiring

Smallfry get your bags packet love <insert smack on the bum icon here> hehehhe

Greenlw any action??

kirsten "welcome" & sweet Milly you will get through the 1st tri and than start enjoying without the stress and worry, take comfort in your dh and try to enjoy the pregnancy (as much as you can anyway)

AFM I'm hormonal in a lovey dovey way and feeling sooooo inlove with dh

[LittleOnes]

cherished - does it count that I packed baby's bag yesterday? I'm getting there... slowly I guess I keep thinking that I'll be able to do it when I go into labour and will just put a list together now of the things I need. Things don't move all that quick for me. But still... it is evil to leave it so late isn't it?!

[Greenslw]

tashybabe wow busy time for you. bp is high too, do you have a relaxtion plan? Do you paint? Shop? Cook? Garden? time for a plan I think. Sending you some calm vibes, but I know the first 12ish weeks are the hardest.

Cherished blood tests are awful, I had this look of joy on my face after my last one. I HATE THEM. Goodluck for tomorrow's scan. PG hormones are loads of fun aren't they

Smallfryplus your ob sounds like a concerned ob, I don't think mine would even ask. It is nice when nursary is done.

Milly indulgent post away any time.

Karen Van well done on the mega post can't belive it's 4 months since joss arrived. Nice to hear you are feeling saner. Can't wait for that

Kirsten welcome and I you are here for a long time. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs the pg journey can be so bruital.

ATM keeping my mind busy and trying very hard to take it easy. I still managed to fuss on the pc for hours and do a load of washing.

I just got stuck on the phone to TELSTA! there are down sides to being home aren't there! No more picking up the phone!

[LittleOnes]

greenslw - oooooh 5 days to go!! I dunno about you but I'm getting pretty excited about hearing your BA!!! Woohoo!!

(just had to get that out of my system... I've just sat and indulged myself with almost half a tub of connoisseur cookies and cream ice cream... have been wanting that for 6 months now and resisting it! Sugar rush now!)

[Greenslw]

Smallfry enjoy the icecream, it really helps heart burn too, so it's almost like medicine!
I can't wait either soon,