I'm not sure how long I will be here (hopefully 9 months!) but I will stick my head in and introduce myself anyway.

I have been lurking for a couple of days, ever since I started getting nausea and tired last week and I realised that we were UTD again. AF is due today, but so far has not shown herself. The 11 (yes 11!) positive pregnancy tests done over the last few days is probably why! My DH keeps wondering why I am doing test after test when we already know the results, but I need to keep seeing that line getting darker.

I have had 3 miscarriages and have 3 healthy children. The last miscarriage was a blighted ovum back in September and due to other things, we had to wait until now to TTC. Well it has happened again (getting pregnant is the easy and fun part) and I am SCARED TO DEATH!!!!!

Mily, you could be in my head with your last post. Every time I go to the toilet I expect to see blood. I look at the paper in every light just in case it is just a smudge. I just know that it is going to be there. With the last miscarriage, we got to 9 weeks before we found out that there was no baby. There was a sack and a placenta, but no baby. As there was a placenta my HCG results kept going up and I had all of the symptoms. I thought at 9 weeks I was home and hosed.

The first miscarriage was a missed miscarriage at 6 weeks which wasn't picked up until 11 weeks, and the second was a scan revealing at 6 1/2 weeks that the baby's heartbeat was slowing and then stopped. Testing of the material revealed chromosomal abnormalities with this one, so although I was upset, I knew it was just mother nature taking its course.

This time however, I am a mess. I am crying all the time. I am yelling at the kids. Every twinge or pain is the end. I really wanted to just switch off for another 8 weeks and deal with it at the 12 week mark. If the baby was there and still alive then I would acknowledge it. But with the MS and tiredness, it is hard to forget. And just because I have symptoms doesn't mean that it is all OK. I had wicked MS with the last one right up until the D&C.

I guess I am just relieved to know that I am not a head case for having all of these feelings and that there are others out there going through this.

Hopefully I will be here for the long haul, but the voice in my head says to not get excited.

to all of us who are going through this.

Kirsten