I was not expecting to get pregnant so soon once we started trying again - it was only the second time since I've been charting and we've been trying. We waited a few months after my D&C in May so I could get properly immunized. I got a faint positive preg test 12DPO and a strong positive 17DPO. So I'm really grateful that we don't seem to have any trouble conceiving.

I want to be happy, but there are all these milestones we need to reach and I feel like I can't be happy until after (if) bubs arrives safely. I'm just constantly worried that it won't work out. Is it just a blighted ovum? Will it get to 10 weeks like last time then stop developing? IF it lasts until 12 weeks and we announce it, will it survive to the birth? If it survives until I go into labour, will it survive the actual birth? I asked my doctor yesterday if I could get an ultrasound as early as possible once there's a chance of seeing the heartbeat, but he told me to come back a week or so after that. Every day that goes by without knowing whether it's not a blighted ovum at least I feel like I can't bond because I don't want to get attached if it's not going to happen again.

I've always had irregular cycles and never had a clue when I've ovulated in the past. I was off the pill for over 18 months when I found out I was pregnant last time. I worry that maybe I'd been pregnant previously without realizing, and that they'd always resulted in miscarriage. There were a few times when I had heavier than usual bleeding with clots. I'm even more concerned this is the case since I got pregnant on my second go since trying again after getting better acquainted with my cycle.

Uncertainty is killing me! I know nobody can say anything to make me feel better, and my heart breaks for everyone out there that experiences fertility problems, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I hope you all don't mind.