3rd baby - easier with younger or older siblings?

[<3 Mumofthreetobe <3]

A friend of mine is 1 day behind me in her pregnancy, like me, with her 3rd baby. It got me thinking... what would you think would be more difficult during pregnancy/newborn stage - having bubs siblings being older or younger in age. Her kids ages will be 8yrs, 5yrs & newborn. Mine will be 3yrs, 1yr & newborn.

She'll be going back to nappies etc - I still do nearly everything for the kids - dressing, nappies (Mr 1) etc.

Have other mums had experience with both? What are your thoughts. What are we in for? lol

[Trillian]

I had my first three close together - there was 20 months between each one so when I was pg with 3, I was still doing the whole baby/toddler thing with DS1 and DD1 who were 3yrs3mths and 20mths when DD2 was born. It was very busy, but not a problem and you're right - you are still in the 'groove'. BUT then when I had number 4, there was a much larger gap and when DS2 was born, DS1 was 6.5yrs, DD1 was nearly 5 and DD2 was 3yrs 3mths, so well out of the baby stage and no nappies or prams or anything. And it wasn't as huge a culture shock as what I was expecting. The first night I did think HOLY CRAP! How the hell am I going to get this baby to sleep but it was all good and after that first night I was fine and didn't have a problem going back to the newborn stage.

But if it happened now that my kids are 12.5, nearly 11, 9 and nearly 6 I would run away and join the circus I could definitely NOT go back to having a newborn now.

[nickle730]

My older two were 5 and 7 when DD2 was born, so similar to your friend. The gap was great, the older two were - and still are - very helpful with their sister. DD2 calls DD1 Mini Mum! I also really enjoyed sharing my pg with the older two kids, they really understood what as happening and were very excited. I had no issue going back to the 'baby' stage as I really enjoy it. I also feel like DD2 has had the benefit if having me to herself while the other two are at school, although she loves having them home on school holidays!

There are pro's and con's for every age gap, I don't think one is better than the other.

[LuluHB]

Unquestionably for me its easier when they're older. My first two were 12 months apart. Really, really hard. There is four years between my second and third. Piece of cake. Sort of ;-)

[Beatrix]

My girls are 9,7,5 and then 4 months.

So def was a bit of a readjustment but having the older gap allows me to have that extra time and attention for buns that she demands and the older 3 love helping.
The only thing that is/was hard was adjusting to the lack of sleep as my older girls have been sleeping through for 4.5 years and now I am up 2-3 times a night with bubs and I do have to get up in the morning to make the school run so that part is poo actually having to be out of the house early

[chody47]

The only thing that is/was hard was adjusting to the lack of sleep as my losers girls have been sleeping through for 4.5 years and now I am up 2-3 times a night with bubs and I do have to get up in the morning to make the school run so that part is poo actually having to be out of the house early

I don't have 3, but this was my first thought with an older age gap, having to juggle a baby around school drop offs and pick ups. I can't imagine that would be easy. On the other hand, having the older ones out of the house for several hours a day would make things easier.... As others have said, I think each gap would have its pros and cons.

[~Kim~]

Mine were nearly 6 and 3 when DD2 arrived. I just don't think I could not do it with younger kids. There's a reason mine came when they did I think. I had no nappies or prams or night wakes each time another came along. DD1 is the worlds best big sister, but then she was great at nearly 3 when DS arrived too. I don't really have experience any other way, though earlier this year I looked after a NB. DD2 wasn't quite 1. I take my hat off to mum's with babies close together. I personally found it really hard.

[YoYo]

This is making me feel much better!

My #3 is due in January. DS will be 6 and DD will turn 4 in the may.

When DS was little and DD came along, at just over 2.5 I have realised how young he really was. This time he seems very connected and into the baby already! Which is one of the things I worried about as he wasn't really into his sister (he is now she's older thankfully!)

I think I'll be able to adjust to the wake ups as DD still wakes. The only thing I worry about with DD is her understanding of having to share me at night as she still wants to co-sleep.

I'll just take it as it comes.

Good luck with your 3 too

[glenny_c]

Interesting thread. My third will be born in November a month before my eldest turns three. I'll have DD almost three, DS 17 months and a newborn. And just quietly- I'm scared &^$#less!
DS also has a heart condition and we're expecting more surgery in the next couple of years.
Number three is very much wanted but came along a fair bit earlier than planned. Lol

[Jennifer13]

I haven't done the close gap yet, but DD2 will be 2 when no 3 arrives. I am dreading it tbh. DD1 was nearly 6 when DD2 arrived and it was wonderful to have a child that could amuse herself when I needed to look after the baby. She can get up in the morning, get herself dressed and make her own breakfast, follows instructions (mostly ) and can then put herself to bed at night. All the times when a baby needs the extra attention. She doesn't mind if I'm busy with baby/toddler and is happy to go and pick up a book for a while. And now DD2 is 18 mths, she plays with her whenever she's at home, which at least gives me some time to put my feet up!

The school pick ups and drop offs were a pain with DD2's naps, but then, she's such a dreadful napper that when she was tiny it was easier just to wear her in a wrap or a sling anyway. I just got a bit better at timing when she got older so I made sure she was down early enough (or I just gave up and lived with it LOL).

DP knows he's going to need to be more hands-on with DD2 when this one arrives, but luckily it's a quiet time of year for us (no school, no work, etc). I guess we'll get through - not much choice! Oh and the two in nappies thing - my washing machine is on notice!

[Melster]

mine are 41/2....2 and im 28 weeks...this one was a surprise....

I have been wondering the same thing actually...every one keeps asking if this is my first and when i say third and the ages.....all i get is WOW YOULL HAVE YOURE HANDS FULL...........REALLY!!!!!!! lol

I think it will be easier with dd41/2......im a bit worried about DD2......she is in that toddler clingy stage..and my other daughter is starting to push her boundries being 5..

Guess there is not much we can do but roll with the punches and do the best you can

[<3 Mumofthreetobe <3]

I looked after my friends kids today so along with my 3yo & 1yo, I had a 4yo, 2yo & 9mo. My 3yo was fine, actually was very doting on miss 9mth but my 1yo got so jealous every time I was holding miss 9mth, he'd just whinge and cry. Uh oh! My Miss 3 was very good when DS came along. Not sure DS is going to be so happy about his new brother. I'll have 20mths between each of them. I'm still getting up to Miss 3 and Mr 1 during the night.. I just don't know how I'll manage that AND a newborn. Meh, sleep, who needs it

[Peekaboo]

Unquestionably for me its easier when they're older. My first two were 12 months apart. Really, really hard. There is four years between my second and third. Piece of cake. Sort of ;-)

Yes, this ^^^ (well, almost!)

My first two are 11.5 months apart, and there is 5.5 years between my second and third. I've gone back to nappies, night feeds, having a newborn totally dependent on me etc, but I am finding it wayyy easier than having two littlies! My older two are able to help out a bit, I try not to ask too much, but they can fetch things for me when I'm feeding, they can talk to their baby sister, give her the dummy, answer the phone if I've forgotten to put it in arm's reach etc. They are independent enough to get their own drinks, snacks, can shower and dress themselves etc.

I am sure there are pros and cons for both scenarios! And you make your own situation work for you and your family

[Najwa]

I'm pregnant with my first baby and I already have planned to not have another kid straight after this one, I'm scared of not being able to cop. I've seen mothers who had kids within months or a year after their other kid and are struggling and can see how they can't give their full attention and care to each child cause they just dont have the time and/or are tired and exhausted. I think i need a few years after my first child to be ready for another, my husband tells me the same. We both believe that its better to just have one kid and give them all the attention and care they need then have 5 kids all one after the other and so close in age and not being able to cop with raising them all. But we say this now before having any kids yet, we might change our minds after we have our child and end up with 10 kids hehehe

[amy798]

Age gap of 3 - 4 years sound about ideal to me. Although, I only have one right now who just turned 1. I cannot think of having another one anytime soon though. And he is a very very active baby. What if another one comes along who has the same energy lol.

[Tinks]

I wouldn't say either situation is easier or harder than the other. Everyone's experience is different.

[myturn]

My mum had a baby when I was 18, my brother 14 and sister 12.... She said it was a bit of adjusting swapping her headspace from a 22 year old to a 4 year old but she had a lt of help!! (Yes, we are all 4 full blood sibling! It was just a nice surprise!!)

I had a lot of responsiblily for my brother, babysat him for a day a week while I was doing uni - I loved it. She used to bring him into my bed when he was a newborn after BF and I would sleep with him while she got the others ready for school i Took him to baby water play and a number of the maternal Heath nurse appointments for my mum... It was the most amazing thing having a baby brother at that age. I miss baby bro... He is now 18 and at uni himself, and he is such an amazing young man - we have all had a hand in reading him.

I suspect there are challenges whatever the age gap - and there are pros and cons either way... And no one can tell you which one is easier... Cause everyone has only done things one way....

[OceanPrincess]

Age gap of 3 - 4 years sound about ideal to me. Although, I only have one right now who just turned 1. I cannot think of having another one anytime soon though. And he is a very very active baby. What if another one comes along who has the same energy lol.

You deal with it. Just like I am, with a third energizer bunny