Being called fat when pg

[Gemma]

Hi everyone,

A couple of people at work are constantly calling me 'Miss Fatty' or 'Tubby' and it is starting to get annoying. My normal response is 'I'm not fat, I'm pregnant'. I have told them that I am not impressed by their comments and to stop. We have a very strict harrassment policy at work but I wouldn't make a complaint. A third person made a comment today as well. Although it is nothing major, no-one likes to be called fat and they wouldn't dare say it to someone that wasn't pg.

Any advice on how to handle this situation?

[visitor2]

Gemma that is so awful of them. Not sure what you can do other than to tell them to stop saying it as it's upsetting you. Just tell then enough is enough and if it does not stop you will speak to someone higher up to deal with it.

Your right they would not say it to a fat person.

[Candice]

Hey Gemma

I am the only girl in my work place and all the guys are constantly saying that to, not that I am even showing yet, and I am a fairly fine build.

So I got out the tape measure and put it to the test, all of the guys are quite a bit bigger than me around the belly and hips. So when the results came up I just looked and said "huh!!! and you call me fat, at least I have an excuse.... I'm pregnant!!!"

maybe I cheated but hey, they haven't mentioned much since. don't think this may wirk again though lol.

But seriously Gemma, tell tham that calling someone fat is harrasment and insulting, pregnant or not.

Cheers

[Fi]

Hi Gemma,

I only got the tubby comment towards the end of my pregnancy at work - I was a late shower, and really I'm not that big now. Even with one week to go!
People at work constantly focussed on my size, probably because t was something to talk about. Just like everyone has to give you advice and tell you about their births!!
If it is bugging you, and it sounds like it is, have a chat to your HR people or your manager. Discuss perfectly sensibly and calmly that you would prefer people didn't pass comment on your size at work, and you would like them to advise you on what to do. Tell them it upsets you, and you dont really need it at the moment. it should be their responsibility to stop any harrassment.

People probably dont mean it maliciously, but it doesn't make it any easier to hear!

HTH
Fi

[min]

one of our suppliers said to me wow you are getting fat, i said, well i have an excuse, what's yours!

[Karina]

Thats so unfair! You totally have the right to NOT be the subject of harrassment at work. I havent been in your situation before, so i dont know what i would do, but i would really want to say something about it directly to the people in question , then if that fails to talk to HR or manager, just so they are aware of it and they might say something to the nasty people. Or maybe if you ignore, they might get bored because theres no reaction from you?
Hope they get the picture soon and stop though.!

[kirbay831]

I totally agree with Karina. Being harassed such a way is ILLEGAL and they should stop, especially once you have let them know it is a problem.

Warn them that if it continues you may put a complaint in with the management. They'll probably stop in order to keep their jobs and not have legal action taken against them.

Harassment and discrimination laws are written and in place to protect people from these exact things.

K

[sunbeam koala]

That is so insane of those people, do they want you to lose weight? You are supposed to be gaining weight. Try not to let their comments worry you, I know it would be difficult, but better to just take some deep breaths and let it pass. They will soon get bored or realise that they are just idiots..

[Tigergirl1980]

Hi Gemma

Maybe you should pick out some of their flaws (not that you have a flaw), and see how they like to be picked on, give them a taste of their own medicine.

[Angel]

Hey Gemma,

Perhaps you could just quietly let them know that some people might find what they say quite offensive and that those kinds of comments could get them in a fair bit of trouble.

[Jac]

Gemma,
I am simply horrified by your post. I can't believe that some people at your work are so simple-minded. Maybe you should print out all the great suggestions above and put it in their pigeon holes - that might make things a little clearer for these dumbies.


And I wish you lots of luck with your pregnancy and birth.

[*Yvette*]

Inconsiderate turds!

Witty comebacks can be very satisfying and there are some good ones above. We should compile them into a list for easy reference. Ways to make them feel very very guilty would be good too. Is there a witty comebacks.com?

There’s a fine line between stupid ‘forgot to engage brain before mouth’ comments, repeated gentle teasing, and bullying behaviour. I find it really hard to not take things personally and deflect teasing in a way that stops rather than encourages it. Teasing can really, really hurt. It’s not always the comment itself, coz they’re usually just stupid, but the fact that you feel victimized and a loss of control. If it gets too serious though it mustn’t be tolerated, but taking action can take some guts & be stressful in itself.

My neighbour asked if I was expecting again yesterday. What If I wasn’t? I was asked the same thing once at work when I wasn’t pg, just had put on weight.

And when I was about 7 mths pg with Angus a woman came up to me in the supermarket & asked if I was due any day, then when I said no, only 7 mths, was I having twins, because I was huge, she wasn’t that big even just before her baby was born, blah blah blah. Stupid cow. I don’t think I was that huge, maybe it was the shirt I was wearing, but how insensitive!

DH just told me a good one. "yes and you're ugly, but I can lose weight". You could adapt it it "yes and you're ugly, but I won't be pg forever". Aparently this originated from a comment made to Winston Churchill by a woman who said "Mr Churchill you are drunk!" and he said "yes and you're ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning".

[mummy2B2]

I was just about to post that comment Yvette!

That used to be my comeback for everything at high school. When I got called fat or a nerd, or stupid - whatever, my response was always yeah, but you're ugly, and I can "whatever fits here"

I did a search for witty comeback related to PG, didn't find much specific, and nothing for this situation, but I did find one I thought was a real gem, left here for all your enjoyment. Can't wait to use this one ! lol

"Actually, I'm not really pregnant, I'm a researcher and I'm doing a study about intolerance and stupidity in our society. Thanks so much for your contribution, it's been very helpful."

[*Yvette*]

ROFPMSL Sue. :smt043 Love that one!!

[Jac]

Hi Gemma,
I have already replied to your post above but have a different question for you. I have recently read with interest some of your other posts and love your approach leading up to TTC. I wish to fall pregnant in Oct-Nov this year and have wondered when to stop taking the pill. How did you go with your 'natural fertility' as I would like to try this and stop taking pill a bit before we are ready to conceive (as you did)? Did you follow a particular book and how did your DH feel about natural fertility? My DH thinks we will fall pg immediately when we choose to, but, I'm not so sure so would like to stop pill sooner but he thinks we will then fall pg sooner!
Hope you don't mind me posting this qn here but thought it would be a good way to catch you!
ALSO, do you mind providing details of your Naturopath (inc. cost) as now is a good time for me to start thinking alson those lines?
Beth

[Jac]

Gemma,
I have just found the details of your naturopath you have already posted so you can ignore that part.
Could I get away with spending less than $500 (I'm prepared to consider $200ish if I can get good info for that!)?

[Gemma]

Hi Beth, I have posted a response to your questions in General Conception.

Thanks everyone for your responses, the advice is great and I will print it out to use. BTW I have put on 5kgs and my weight is normal.

Also forgot to mention, one of the people is a fitness fanatic and the other is overweight. The fitness fanatic won't let the other person have ice cream in her iced coffee because he is obsessed with her weight. Seems like they have the problem anyway. One of them is on leave today and I will speak to them tomorrow.

Thanks again for the advice, much appreciated.