DEFENCE Partners

[rustygirl]

Hey guys,
I'm 13 weeks pregnant and my fiance is in the Army. I am finding it a little hard because he is away alot and I don't have any family here in Darwin. I was wondering if there are any other chickies in the same or similar predicament as me?

[AnyDream]

Hi Rustygirl, Have you checked out some of the defence partners online forums (you can find links through the "Resources" section of the Defence Families of Australia website). Once you're networking within one group you'll get plenty of suggestions for other groups, playgroups, etc that you might be interested in. There's plenty going on in Darwin!

Yes it's hard when they're away all the time, get yourself a really good phone plan and talk often to the people you find the most supportive, even if they are far away. It takes time but you'll develop your own little family-away-from-family eventually. Good luck!

[julesy]

I hear you girlfriend!! We live in Sydney and all our family is from Brisvegas. When I fell pregnant with Nina we knew that my husband was going to be away from 5 months onwards in a very dangerous country (that does wonders for your stress and anxiety...) and could possibly miss the birth. As it turns out he arrived home 10 days before she was born. Now I'm pregnant with twins, and he's been home all of about 8 weeks this year...(how the hell did that happen...???)

The main thing I can tell you is that it is extremely hard, but if you can gather some supportive friends around you, you will find it a lot easier. My husband was luckiy also very supportive of flying my mother and father down for weeks at a time to break the monotony. I was working full time my first pregnancy, and that helped pass the time too.

It isn't easy hun, but the thing I kept thinking was that I at least had a part of him growing inside me, whereas he didn't have that connection at all. It's incredibly hard for them too! Remember that when you get the odd phone call and want to blast him on the line because of your hormones!!!!

If you need any company or advice, you can email me on jlhails@optusnet.com.au

Also, get in contact with your hubbies LO and ask if there are any family days etc coming up, they can be really good places to meet people who of course in exactly the same situation as you.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Always remember that, and focus on his homecoming. It's what I do, and it helps.

Take care,

Julesy

[rustygirl]

Thanks Marydean for that really helpful information. I'm going to go and look at the site right now!! It is nice to know that there are some really nice helpful people out there. Everyone I talk to here in Darwin doesn't seem to be giving me much information. It's like banging my head against a brick wall! Quite painful!
P.S Good luck with your birth in about a week, How exciting?!?!?!?!?!?!

Julesy, Fist of all your daughter has a beautiful name.....Nina, It's my name too!!! :P
My partner has just come back from a 7 mth tour in Afghanistan in April. He was home for 2mths then he went to Pukka for another 2mths, he was home for 4 days and now he is in S.A on exercise for 1mth. Like you we had a very small window but obviously was meant to be! We are so excited!
It is a very special feeling to have a piece of him with me all of the time. Very emotional and I could have never predicted the feelings that I have. I had my first ultrasound the other week. So amazing to see the jelly bean! Can't wait till my partner can share that with me.
Thank you for your words of advice and support. It really doe help.
So you having twins huh? WOW!!! Bet that was a shock!

[julesy]

A shock is the understatement of the year!! They run in my family, but I never thought it would happen to me!! It is slowly sinking in, but still very overwhelming at the same time. Especially given my situation (as with yours). My hubby was in the 'Big A' for 5 months prior to Nina being born, and I certainly do NOT want him to go back there.

Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with! Like I said, feel free to use my email addy.

Julesy

[SamanthaP]

I'm a defence partner too. Mine doesn't go away as much anymore maybe a month or so at a time. When he used to be away for extended periods 6-7 months the best thing I did was hook in with the local defence creche. It really was a fantastic support.

[joralyd]

Hi Rustygirl, I'm a Navy wife, we're currently in Melbourne at the moment but I had my second child in Darwin 6 years ago. Dh left for 5months just 4 days after dd was born and was in Timor for most of the pregnancy which I found really difficult with a toddler, I felt so alone and worn out. It's NOT easy but if you can force yourself to join groups and really make the effort to get out use those DCO's and the FLO's that's what they're there for, I didn't push it thinking "I can cope on my own" but I ended up with depression. Don't worry there are some really nice defence partners out there just like you so don't give up.
Will you be having your baby in Darwin?

[rustygirl]

Julesy, Thats how it happens huh? You always tend to think..."Oh but that will never happen to me" And then KAPOW!!!!! lol. My partner's mum is a twin and my cousins are twins.....still a possibility for us as we plan to have another child. Scary thought. How fantastic for you! Do you know the sexes yet?

Hi Joralyd, Yeah that must have been very tough on you. I think I really do need to get out there, the thing is at the moment I just don't have the energy or the drive to go anywhere. I sometimes think that I am going along the lines of depression....I rang the army the other day as I was starting to really go mental...hahaha and they sent him home for me which was really nice. The Padre came and visited me and took me to the Dr.
We have a posting to Brisbane at the end of the yr. We will be closer to family as my Dad and brother live in Byron Bay. So the baby will be born in Brisbane. Alot better than Darwin!!!! That is what I was dreding.

[joralyd]

So basically your just trying to hold on to your sanity till the end of the year? I know what that's like I lived for the next posting there was allways something to look forward to iykwim? I really feel for you I know what it's like not wanting to go anyware and feeling on the edge of depression I was there. Pleeease try and force yourself to get out even if it's just once a week you don't have long to go till the end of the year and did you say your dh is coming home in a month?. The weather up there is pretty cr@py during the wet and can be a bit depressing in itself

[Freya]

Im a military wife too, my hubby has been in for almost 6yrs. He used to be away all the time (pre-kids) as he was in the infantry but now we're in Albury Wodonga as he is doing a trade so he's home a bit more but I totally understand where you are coming from. Its hard being on your own, kids or no kids, esp away from family and friends.

Just wanted you to know your not alone and that Im (well we're seeing as there are a few of us) here if you need a chat!

[mrsmac]

I had DD2 in Darwin when DH was in the army, I loved it there and found it really friendly and social but I had my own friends through work which made it better. I went to Darwin private and had a brilliant ob, I couldn't fault the care I got.
Where do you live? we were out at Durack, I used to go to Aqua aerobics at Palmerston pool which was good for getting out of the house!

[rustygirl]

Hey AnnaT, Thanks for the support. It sure is hard. Hopefully thing will start to improve now that he's back home.

HI mrsmac, I don't work so I don't have that friend base. I have a couple of really good friends but they live in the city and I'm out in Bakewell. Not only that but none of them have children. I like the idea of water aerobics. I was thinking about going to Palmerston pool for some swimming and now I know that I can do that, that's awesome! Thanks for that info.

[mrsmac]

Bakewell had just started to be built when we lived there, I went to a course at bakewell school which had just opened!
I was lucky when we moved up there cause it was when the whole of 1brigade moved from Holsworthy so I had friends go up around the same time (other army wives)

[Macca79]

Hi Rustygirl

Im 14 weeks along and I live in Darwin (Defence Establishment Berrimah) too. My hubby is in the Army (1CER) so I know what it can be like when your mans away. He just got back last night from Vic after 6 weeks away. He missed the first scan and first obstetric appointment. I was lucky though since my mum was staying with me and was able to come to the scan.

If your after support Im off to an early pregnancy class at Darwin Private on Sat the 6th of October. You should give the hospital a call to see if you can go along. I've been told it's very informative. Beyond that though I must admit Im not very sure what else is available up here. I have to say though I have not looked into it that much. I do know there is a good water aerobics class at the swim school in Palmerston. There is also a pregnancy exercise class on offer on Thursdays I think at the Private hospital. Im pretty sure anyone expecting can go along but Im not sure on cost. I hope some of this info is of use to you.

All the best!

Jen

[mrsmac]

Jen, I can highly recommend Darwin Private, I had DD2 there and it was so nice. DH even stayed with me. Is Defence Establishment Berrimah what used to be HMAS Coonawarra??

[Macca79]

Hi Christine
Yes Defence Establishment Berrimah is the old HMAS Coonawarra. The Navy moved into Larrakeya with the Army and the base is now Defence Civillian Services and a tri service married patch.

[mrsmac]

Did they fix up any of the houses? Some of them were pretty tatty 8 years ago! I had friends who lived there and my oldest DD used to go to Little athletics there every Thursday!

[rustygirl]

OMG Jen, My partner is also in 1CER!!! How funny is that? He was also in Vic for about 7 weeks doing a crew commanders cse and missed the scan!!! I am also 14 weeks along, 14 weeks and 5 days. We just found out yesterday that we are having a boy, we are both sooo extatic!
Thanks for that, I will give the hospital a call and see if I can get into that class. I still can't believe how similar we are.