Scared & nervous about Labour

[MRS M COOKIE]

Hi There,

We are so excited about the birth of our little girl in Mid June but I'm just feeling a little scared & nervous about labour. I've read a whole lot of information on the net and in a couple of books about the different drugs and I think I might go with the TENS machine.

My mum isn't really around and I feel as if I dont have any good advice and support (besides hubby) from someone who has given birth. I feel a little silly for posting this tread but I figure where else to ask for some guidance then here at Belly Belly.

If you would like to post some words of encouragement here and even some things that you had with you at the hospital that you couldn't have done without that would be great.

Thanks

[all girls]

Oh sweet it is very normal to be scared of the unknown so don't feel silly.

A few of the girls in my belly buddy group including myself have read and still are reading books on hypnobirthing, it is fantastic at getting you past your fears or birth and understanding a bit more about them, the book usually comes with a CD that shows you relaxation methods to help cope with it all. You can also see a hypnobirthing practitioner who will help you deal with your fears also.

It isn't everyone's cup of tea but it's worth a shot..

HTH xoxoxox

[Tiff+2]

My auntie is in the same position as you. She is VERY nervious about her pending labour/ birth.

Birth is the most BEAUTIFUL thing life can throw at you! I had a great birth experience and the reward was mind blowing!!! I have always wanted a little one and always knew I'd love my bub more than anyone I'd loved before, but I could not belive just how much I love her and how excited and proud I was the MOMENT she was born!

A guarentee you will suprise yourself of just how strong you are. You will do GREAT! I found that telling myself various things made me feel better... Such as... It is one day out of my life for a life time joy! As each contraction past I told myslf 'thats another one down, one less to go.' When it came to pushing I had to tell myself I was strong, I could do it and I was only inutes away from meeting our little creation... It REALLY helped me. May sound silly, but it may help you too!

Good luck with it all! Always remember what you've to look forward to at the end of the day!
Take care

[BellyBelly]

I'd definitely look at getting a doula - a resource, support, emotional rock, and extra pair of hands all in one...

[Cricket]

Have a little read through some of the posts in the third trimester section, and the labour and birth section - you'll find some great ideas!
My mother had only c-sections, so there was no real advice or experience about labour and birth there for me. (She would have loved to, but it was not to be.) Fear of labour is completely normal and probably universal for first time mums! You haven't done it before, you don't know what it's like, just that it apparently hurts. And some women tear. I had visions of myself splitting wide open, never to be the same again!
I'm not going to tell you it doesn't hurt. It does. It can get to be overwhelming, between the contractions and the hormones and the fatigue. But that is where mental preparation and good support come in, and help you through the rough spots to the incomparable high of holding your baby. And it doesn't last forever. You'll make it through, with a wonderful prize on the other side.
My personal recommendation would be to second what Kelly said and get a doula.
Also, try water in labour, whether in a birthing pool, bathtub, or shower. It relaxes you, provides pain relief without drugs, helps your perineum stretch, and helps prevent tearing.
Labour is a mind game in a lot of ways. Read what you can about what your body will be doing, and remember you were made to do this, and you can do it! Have someone who will tell you when you get to transition, and are likely to be wanting drugs, that you are almost there, your baby is just about in your arms, you are almost done!!! Don't give in to the fear of the pain. This is a working pain - it's doing good things for you.
Read, or get your DH to read the article here on BB about labour support, with tips on how to actually be supportive. (Actually, spend a bit of time reading though all the articles on labour and birth - they're great! )
All the best!

[Twin Sister]

I was really scared too, especially in the week before I was due. The one piece of advice that got me through it was "yeah it hurts at the time but when you think abou it, it's such a short part of your life, it will pass by quicker then you realize. All that pain is worht it when you hold that new baby in your arms". I don't know why but realizing it was really only one day out of my life made it seem so much more do-able. My labour ended up being three days but it still passed by pretty quick.

[sassy123]

this prob doesnt help but i have never been scared i cant wait. The way i am lookin at it is, yes it will hurt but atleast you get somethign out of that pain. i cant wait to see her little face for the first time and how big or small she may be.
So many people have tried to scare me because i am young but i have done alot of reading both internet and books and i feel prepared. that might go out th window when it all gets closer but right from the start i have not been able to wait.

[Mollygirl]

There are so many good thoughts in this thread, I will just be brief:

Kelly's suggestion of a doula etc, is a great idea. My Mum was overseas for the birth of my daughter and it was only me and my husband and I really noticed the difference from when I had my son and both were there. If you have someone to heat up wheat bags or get you ice etc, then hubby can stay by your side the whole time, which I feel is really important.

I found the bath helped alot in my first labour, as well as thinking about being at home, curled up in bed or patting my dog or hugging my husband, it helped me get through the first part of the labour even though I had to sit in a chair because I was being monitored. So visualising being somewhere else can take your mind off the pain. Then I went to gas for the second stage, which was great for me.

I too had the thought that it was only one day out of my life, and it wasn't going to last forever.

Don't be worried if you are shocked at the pain when the contractions first start, but then try and relax and deal with it as it comes.

You will do beautifully - good luck.

[Snacks]

What Cricket said!
(Sorry Cricket - I've got to share the rep around so can't add to you )
All the very best for a beautiful, joyful, empowering, fantastic birth Your body is doing and will do amazing things.

[Ozziehoffy]

I was really nervous and actually terrified of labour...my first was a c/s with no labour. We did a hypnobirthing course which helped me so much! I did get a bit apprehensive again about a month out as it was becoming more real, but I continued to do my relaxation excercises and that got me through. I ended up having the most wonderful experience and Oskar was born in 3 1/2 hours. I think personally that you would benefit from something like this as it does address your fears and how to deal with them which is most of the battle won All the best!!!!

[blue daisy]

as all the other BBers have said

birth is beautiful

dont be scared, there is so much wonderful info here on BB (as Cricket indicated look in the labor and birth forum)

ask the questions and enjoy the lead up to your baby's birthday

x

[~Belinda~]

Cookie, I faint with the sight of blood, if I cut my finger, I pass out every time. I have to also lie down when having blood tests. I'm just a big woos really.

I gave birth to Madeleine on 2 January and I was nervous beforehand. But...I was induced and blitzed a 5 hour labour with her with only gas and pethedine, no epidural. She was 8lb 13oz too! It was such a beautiful experience and I was up and walking around half an hour afterward. You really just ride those contractions and when you start pushing, you know it's not too far away before you see your little bundle of joy!

You forget about the pain immediately afterward though, especially when you meet your baby! I even had 10 stitches. You'll be just fine!!

Enjoy your pregnancy hun

[MRS M COOKIE]

Thank you so much for all your wonderful thoughts and great advice.

I'm honestly feeling strong and a little excited! I really cant wait to meet her and to see what she looks like - I think if I just focus on that I can get through this.

Thank you all so much for helping me realise how strong we all are.

I think I might have to read this thread every time I start to feel a little scared

Thank you

[agadoo]

what a great thread!

i too am absolutely pooing my pants in fear
i'm a terrible patient, i faint when i have medical procedures done to me, and have panic attacks, so the thought of labour or a CS alone make my palms sweat!

how do i do one of these hypnobirth courses? is it through the hospital where you deliver? it sounds like something i would really benefit from...

[smiles4u]

Oh MRS M COOKIE,

I felt the same way, ... yeh I didn't av a Mum or any1 about 2 help. Living in a country town where I knew no one apart my lovely DP

*** I had my 1st bub at 40 naturally with no drugs,etc...

As I said 2 my 26yr old sis-in-law who is due 2 av her 1st bub this mth - "Jst av faith in your body as u will b amazed as 2 wat it can do wen u r in labour & also givin birth

Your body will know wat 2 do & will push all these buttons 4 u 2 help u get thru it !!

Your mind is your greatest tool so USE it & wrk it wt your body, they r a g8 wrkin team in the labour room.

You will neva look at your body the same way, ... It's so empowering & beautiful 2 av a body of a woman 2 do wat it can do during birth

[Bathsheba]

Great post Cricket I have to spread the love too IYKWIM

I remember preparing for my first baby and really wondering what the pain would be like. I knew I was a strong person but I just wanted to know what exactly it was that i was up against. That was 14 years ago. Having had 3 babies since then (none of them particularly 'easily" either) the best way of describing it (for me at least) is to say it's like a marathon. Like a previous poster said, it's also a bit of a mind game. Your brain will be your biggest asset! The reason I say it's like a marathon is because (for me) labour was loooong (20+ hours all of them, from the first twinge). I was surprised how exhausting it was... and I was fairly fit. The pain changes in nature throughout labour.... and different strategies help with each stage. Distraction is a great one in the early hours... try to distract yourself for as long as possible! Music was a great one for me until about half way then I needed to get rid of that! The nature of the worst of the pain was a kind of really bad stitch that feels like it's consuming your whole body... imagine running a marathon, getting a bad stitch and being told that you can't stop running! But it will be different for some people. I guess this is why breathing is important: the muscles are working hard with contractions so I guess a lot of the pain is them crying out for oxygen. One thing that might surprise you as you go into transition is that you get a break! This only happened with my 3rd labour but was great! The contractions really spaced out for a while... I used this time to relax deeply. With my first I was a bit more frightened at the end and the best strategy for me was to kind of astral travel to a place where i was visualising a peaceful place that I use in meditation. I have never done hypnobirthing but I have heard many great results and I guess this could be a form of this.

One thing that I was able to have with my second labour was to have the lights dimmed during the final pushing stages. I found this quite calming too.

Enough of my ramble! LOL Know that you WILL get to the other side darl. You will feel so proud of yourself! And you will feel that after labour you can do anything! No one ever told me that (I wish i had BB, but this was back in 1994) but I think this feeling is pretty universal!