So sick of statistics?

[paradise lost]

I love statistics! They're how i make decisions. And yes, i have to say, the fact that i KNEW only 1-2% of women genuinely can't feed their baby made me persevere when i seemed to have no milk (was too stressed, full of adrenalin, no milk flowing, so i got in the bath with DD and it was jetting out! So much so she had problems attaching for a bit!). And my friend once called me panicking about "having" to have an amnio (she's terrified of needles) because her chance of chromosomal disorder was 1:240 and i pointed out that meant she was nearly 2.5 times more likely to have a miscarriage due to the amnio than to have a baby with a problem and she sighed in relief and cancelled her appointment! She didn't want to do it, and the same stats they'd used to scare her into having it were what she used to dismiss their scare-tactics. Her baby is fine BTW

I think the thing with statistics is to remember they are just that: statistics. NOt advice or instructions or rules. You are more likely to die crossing the road than flying but millions of people cross the road every day and don't give it a second thought because the only option is that they don't go anywhere. More people die of reactions to general anaesthetic than in childbirth yet we live in a culture that is terrified to birth and has cosmetic surgery at random!

Same with everything. Say you're sitting trying to BF and your baby is screaming and you feel it's all going wrong. You can decide to FF if you want, or you can go on trying to BF. The fact that medically you are unlikely to be in the 2-3% who PHYSICALLY cannot feed is not a moral judgement, it's just a medical fact. It's a cultural norm to FF and that has a big impact on infant feeding - did anyone see the clip about salma hayek in Sierra Leone? Women there are being encouraged not to BF because their husbands believe you can't have sex with a BFing woman - and they CAN'T FF so their babies mainly just die! They NEED some medical facts!

I had to switch DD fully to FF at 7 months due to a number of factors, only one of which was medical. I could probably have done a LOT more than i did in retrospect, but i just wasn't able to focus on the BFing because i had a broken relationship, single parenting, terrible health problems, and a NEED for relianble contraception (minipill) to deal with and the milk suffered. I didn't do EVERYTHING possible, but i did what *I* could do. ANd that was enough, it's my springboard for next time too! I want to be better...then ME! My friend said to her midwife she'd BF "if she could make enough milk" and the midwife said "what will you do if you don't manage FFing?" because it's just as likely - i small % of babies medically cannot feed or cannot tolerate normal FF. But none of us worry about it.

Bx

[Visitor3]

I guess my point ( in regard to BF) in my OP was a woman shouldn't be made to feel guilty if she finds she can't BF via statistics. It promotes guilt and shame when support is most needed. When the MW said to me "Of course you can BF" and "it's in your head if you can't" it made me feel stupid like how could I even have said such a silly thing. It would have preferred her to be a bit more encouraging and perhaps have said something like "our bodies are designed to BF and if you find you can't for whatever reason that you can't then we can provide you with all the support you need to make that transition. And if you still find that you can't, it's not your fault and we can find an alternative to nourish your child". Or something along those lines, YKWIM?

I have to say I ultimately agree that statistics are great......especially when you prove them wrong

[alioops]

Hun, I can BF but my DD2 can't. I don't feel guilty for making the decision to wean her as a very young baby because she was literally dying of starvation. If you or your baby can't BF it will be reflected in their weight gain and their wet nappies. Many babies are gaining weight and weeing and pooing heaps when their mothers think that they can't BF. Breastfeeding is a learned skill and takes a lot of time and patience to learn. When we are sleep deprived we often struggle and give up before seeking help. The first 12 weeks are the hardest, because we are adjusting to a whole new way of life. We just don't notice how well our babies are doing on what they are getting from us, because we see them crying for another reason. More often than not babies are crying because of wind or some other discomfort.

Before giving up BF, seek help. Count the wet nappies each day. Weigh your bub. Those nappies and baby's weight will tell you if you can BF, not what you can express with a pump, and not an unsettled baby. They are unsettled for more reasons than just hunger.

As for the MW you saw, can you change MW to one that you 'gel' with better?

[Visitor3]

Hun, I can BF but my DD2 can't. I don't feel guilty for making the decision to wean her as a very young baby because she was literally dying of starvation. If you or your baby can't BF it will be reflected in their weight gain and their wet nappies. Many babies are gaining weight and weeing and pooing heaps when their mothers think that they can't BF. Breastfeeding is a learned skill and takes a lot of time and patience to learn. When we are sleep deprived we often struggle and give up before seeking help. The first 12 weeks are the hardest, because we are adjusting to a whole new way of life. We just don't notice how well our babies are doing on what they are getting from us, because we see them crying for another reason. More often than not babies are crying because of wind or some other discomfort.

Before giving up BF, seek help. Count the wet nappies each day. Weigh your bub. Those nappies and baby's weight will tell you if you can BF, not what you can express with a pump, and not an unsettled baby. They are unsettled for more reasons than just hunger.

As for the MW you saw, can you change MW to one that you 'gel' with better?

Thankyou for your gorgeous advice and for your understanding way of putting things into perspective. I actually am having my first my darling, so I was talking about other peoples experiences. people who are very good friends of mine and who have spoken to me about the pressures of being made to feel guilty about BF'ding rather than being supported through with understanding. so when the MW I saw said what she said I just thought to myself, hang on a minute? I'm being honest about my feelings at this time as a first time mother-to-be, YkWIM?
I really would LOVE to BF, because IMO, I feel it would be such a glorious bonding experience as well as a wonderful source of nourishment, convenient etc. At the same time....if it turns out to be a completely different experience, with the change in hormone levels, adjustment to a new way of life, sleep deprivation and all the other things a first time mum has to deal with, I definitely will not be judged by people for making a thought out decision to nourish my child. As Hoobley said, she went through a LOT in her change of circumstances in her life at that time and she simply could not focus on BF anymore, and fair enough? I would hate to think that ANYBODY, MW or otherwise would be so harsh as to say to her "Of course you can BF, it's all in your head."
The MW I saw was fine, it was just the BF thing that made me think, mmmm?

Thankyou for your kind words darl.