hi ladies,

despite desperately wanting a baby and having extreme difficulty accepting a miscarriage 10mths ago, and having found out we are having a little girl (i am absolutely stoked).. i am suddenly feeling really over the whole pregnancy. I am finding there are days where i am so low and depressed, i just want this little bub out of me (even tho i know it is too soon). Originally i was so excited by feeling her move, but now i am almost willing her to slow down a bit and give me a break. It isn't fun anymore. It doesn't help that i am SO anxious about everything. What if they got the sex wrong? i would never cope with that... i really dont think i would.... her name is up on the walls in the nursery and she has an entirely pink wardrobe thanks to her grandma.. it would not just be a logistical disaster, but i dont think i would deal with it emotionally. I am also petrified of going into premature labour. Every time i go to the toilet i am checking the discharge colour, freaking if it is the tiniest tinge of pink or light brown.. if i get a backache like period pain i'm worried and it usually turns out i am just constipated. the dreams are horrendous and so lifelike. i hate my job and can't wait to give it up (10 weeks and counting) and then to top it all off my husband has decided he doesnt think our marriage is working. he was adamant it was just over.. he doesnt feel good enough for me, thinks i deserve better, thinks i am the wrong type of person for him.... his family are filthy wth him... cant even write how my family is feeling with him... he has come around and agreed to counselling.. i havent looked into it as yet, but will do cos he is not the greatest communicator and it would help... but i am now living this life of wariness.... like i am just teetering on the edge and one wrong move and i will just tumble. i just feel so blah... i dont want to get out of bed.. i dont want to move... i dont want to do anything and i am only 25wks.. i still have like 15 to go!!! arrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

sorry for the big rant.. i am just feeling really helpless at the moment.