So sick of statistics?

[Visitor3]

I had my first midwife and dr appointment with the womens and I'm just int my second trimester. All through my first trimester and before, I had been hearing about all the stats and warnings about conception, pregnancy, breastfeeding and so on. For example, before we conceived "oh you know it will be a LOT harder to be pregnant once you go past 30". Really? Well I had a GREAT time conceiving and now that I am pregnant I have had such a good pregnancy that I have to pinch myself. I am 36. Next! The other day my SIL told me that she doesn't use talcum powder because it has shown to cause cancer...........while smoking a cigarette??..........while 20 weeks pregnant??????? Ok moving right along. My midwife appointment? Well the midwife asked me if I will be breastfeeding. I said "If I can, I will." She said to me " Of course you can, some women just get it in their head that they can't and then they have a hard time BF'ing but if you persist, then of course you can, it's all psychological." What the? One of my really good friends was absolutely wanting to breastfeed but had no milk, and because of pressure from midwives to BF she tried and tried and developed mastitis and her baby was unhappy, she was unhappy but if only she knew it was only in her head?? I just bit my tongue really hard and didn't say anything because I thought, I want this to be a pleasant experience.

So anyone else have any favorite gems to share ?

[Oorki Galoorki]

yes using talc powder has been link to cancer esp when used on baby girls. i would rather not use talc so i can try and not let my children or myself get cancer i thought it was a no brainer.
Information IS the key. your friend wouldnt have had mastitis if she had no milk. and only about 3% of the female population truely cant Breastfeed. so your m/w was right in the most part. but mental health comes in to if you cant in your head then you cant in your body.

[Evie76]

OK. I couldn't breastfeed because I had no milk. I didn't get mastititis - I got frustration. The mw's still tried forcing me, but there was just NOTHING!! and my DS was screaming louder and louder as he got hungrier. We went to formula and life was great!! My answer would also be "if I can, I will." A perfectly legitimate response, me thinks!! I have a very healthy happy son who turns two next Sunday - so he survived it. As did I. Don't let them force you Butterfly. I was flogged and had very sore bbs by the end - especially when they stuck that horrible hospital breast pump on me. I am surprised it didn't suck my bb's off - my DH would not have been impressed. They're his favourite part!!!

Statistics give me the willies too!! I am surrounded with them at the moment because we are high "risk" of Downs (1:230). That in itself is a statistic. I am to have an amnio on Wednesday which has a 1:100 chance of causing miscarriage - statistic. OVER IT!!!!!!

I didn't use talc because it's messy and I don't feel like vacuuming everyday.

[Visitor3]

OK. I couldn't breastfeed because I had no milk. I didn't get mastititis - I got frustration. The mw's still tried forcing me, but there was just NOTHING!! and my DS was screaming louder and louder as he got hungrier. We went to formula and life was great!! My answer would also be "if I can, I will." A perfectly legitimate response, me thinks!! I have a very healthy happy son who turns two next Sunday - so he survived it. As did I. Don't let them force you Butterfly. I was flogged and had very sore bbs by the end - especially when they stuck that horrible hospital breast pump on me. I am surprised it didn't suck my bb's off - my DH would not have been impressed. They're his favourite part!!!

Statistics give me the willies too!! I am surrounded with them at the moment because we are high "risk" of Downs (1:230). That in itself is a statistic. I am to have an amnio on Wednesday which has a 1:100 chance of causing miscarriage - statistic. OVER IT!!!!!!

I didn't use talc because it's messy and I don't feel like vacuuming everyday.

I'm so happy that you were able to make a stand and make the decision to finally get the happy ending for you and your child. I think that's the key you know. we are grown women who should be able to make the decision for ourselves and be supported by fellow women not judged and made to feel like a failure because our body may not do the things it is "supposed" to do.

Happy Birthday to your son for next Sunday, that's wonderful!

I am surprised it didn't suck my bb's off - my DH would not have been impressed. They're his favourite part!!!

Aaaaw your poor BB's! Big

I spoke to a wonderful MW this morning about this issue. She is my friends sister and she put it this way. " As a mother you will do whatever you need to do to nourish, protect and keep your child safe and happy. Once you realize that all the "rules" don't always apply in real life, then you'll also be happy." I though this was such a supportive thing to say and made me feel a lot more empowered.

Good Luck with your amnio Lestypuss. I'm sure everything will work out just fine.

Please no offense to anyone. For myself, I am looking forward to BF'ding but IF for any reason I find I am unable to, then ONLY I will deem when it is enough and when it will be time to stop and try the alternative. I will NOT starve my child or allow them to be in distress for weeks on end and be made to feel like a failure by any MF, OB or anyone.

Love to all
PB xx

[tattoo_mama]

I guess everyone quotes statistics cause its factual, it can make you nervous esp when pg ( I know even if im told I have a 1 in 100 chance of something-or-other I start to think im sure ill be that '1'), but id much rather have the facts than be pg even 20, 50, 100 or so yrs ago when info was unknown or even worse, based on old wives tales or superstitions!!

One statistic I don't like is the one about that your more likely to have a baby with down syndrome if your above 30. My brother has down syndrome and my mother helps run the DS association, its proven that it simply isn't true! The fact is your eggs start to break down as you get older, so you do have a higher chance of 'something' being wrong, not just down syndrome!

[paradise lost]

I love statistics! They're how i make decisions. And yes, i have to say, the fact that i KNEW only 1-2% of women genuinely can't feed their baby made me persevere when i seemed to have no milk (was too stressed, full of adrenalin, no milk flowing, so i got in the bath with DD and it was jetting out! So much so she had problems attaching for a bit!). And my friend once called me panicking about "having" to have an amnio (she's terrified of needles) because her chance of chromosomal disorder was 1:240 and i pointed out that meant she was nearly 2.5 times more likely to have a miscarriage due to the amnio than to have a baby with a problem and she sighed in relief and cancelled her appointment! She didn't want to do it, and the same stats they'd used to scare her into having it were what she used to dismiss their scare-tactics. Her baby is fine BTW

I think the thing with statistics is to remember they are just that: statistics. NOt advice or instructions or rules. You are more likely to die crossing the road than flying but millions of people cross the road every day and don't give it a second thought because the only option is that they don't go anywhere. More people die of reactions to general anaesthetic than in childbirth yet we live in a culture that is terrified to birth and has cosmetic surgery at random!

Same with everything. Say you're sitting trying to BF and your baby is screaming and you feel it's all going wrong. You can decide to FF if you want, or you can go on trying to BF. The fact that medically you are unlikely to be in the 2-3% who PHYSICALLY cannot feed is not a moral judgement, it's just a medical fact. It's a cultural norm to FF and that has a big impact on infant feeding - did anyone see the clip about salma hayek in Sierra Leone? Women there are being encouraged not to BF because their husbands believe you can't have sex with a BFing woman - and they CAN'T FF so their babies mainly just die! They NEED some medical facts!

I had to switch DD fully to FF at 7 months due to a number of factors, only one of which was medical. I could probably have done a LOT more than i did in retrospect, but i just wasn't able to focus on the BFing because i had a broken relationship, single parenting, terrible health problems, and a NEED for relianble contraception (minipill) to deal with and the milk suffered. I didn't do EVERYTHING possible, but i did what *I* could do. ANd that was enough, it's my springboard for next time too! I want to be better...then ME! My friend said to her midwife she'd BF "if she could make enough milk" and the midwife said "what will you do if you don't manage FFing?" because it's just as likely - i small % of babies medically cannot feed or cannot tolerate normal FF. But none of us worry about it.

Bx

[Visitor3]

I guess my point ( in regard to BF) in my OP was a woman shouldn't be made to feel guilty if she finds she can't BF via statistics. It promotes guilt and shame when support is most needed. When the MW said to me "Of course you can BF" and "it's in your head if you can't" it made me feel stupid like how could I even have said such a silly thing. It would have preferred her to be a bit more encouraging and perhaps have said something like "our bodies are designed to BF and if you find you can't for whatever reason that you can't then we can provide you with all the support you need to make that transition. And if you still find that you can't, it's not your fault and we can find an alternative to nourish your child". Or something along those lines, YKWIM?

I have to say I ultimately agree that statistics are great......especially when you prove them wrong

[alioops]

Hun, I can BF but my DD2 can't. I don't feel guilty for making the decision to wean her as a very young baby because she was literally dying of starvation. If you or your baby can't BF it will be reflected in their weight gain and their wet nappies. Many babies are gaining weight and weeing and pooing heaps when their mothers think that they can't BF. Breastfeeding is a learned skill and takes a lot of time and patience to learn. When we are sleep deprived we often struggle and give up before seeking help. The first 12 weeks are the hardest, because we are adjusting to a whole new way of life. We just don't notice how well our babies are doing on what they are getting from us, because we see them crying for another reason. More often than not babies are crying because of wind or some other discomfort.

Before giving up BF, seek help. Count the wet nappies each day. Weigh your bub. Those nappies and baby's weight will tell you if you can BF, not what you can express with a pump, and not an unsettled baby. They are unsettled for more reasons than just hunger.

As for the MW you saw, can you change MW to one that you 'gel' with better?

[Visitor3]

Hun, I can BF but my DD2 can't. I don't feel guilty for making the decision to wean her as a very young baby because she was literally dying of starvation. If you or your baby can't BF it will be reflected in their weight gain and their wet nappies. Many babies are gaining weight and weeing and pooing heaps when their mothers think that they can't BF. Breastfeeding is a learned skill and takes a lot of time and patience to learn. When we are sleep deprived we often struggle and give up before seeking help. The first 12 weeks are the hardest, because we are adjusting to a whole new way of life. We just don't notice how well our babies are doing on what they are getting from us, because we see them crying for another reason. More often than not babies are crying because of wind or some other discomfort.

Before giving up BF, seek help. Count the wet nappies each day. Weigh your bub. Those nappies and baby's weight will tell you if you can BF, not what you can express with a pump, and not an unsettled baby. They are unsettled for more reasons than just hunger.

As for the MW you saw, can you change MW to one that you 'gel' with better?

Thankyou for your gorgeous advice and for your understanding way of putting things into perspective. I actually am having my first my darling, so I was talking about other peoples experiences. people who are very good friends of mine and who have spoken to me about the pressures of being made to feel guilty about BF'ding rather than being supported through with understanding. so when the MW I saw said what she said I just thought to myself, hang on a minute? I'm being honest about my feelings at this time as a first time mother-to-be, YkWIM?
I really would LOVE to BF, because IMO, I feel it would be such a glorious bonding experience as well as a wonderful source of nourishment, convenient etc. At the same time....if it turns out to be a completely different experience, with the change in hormone levels, adjustment to a new way of life, sleep deprivation and all the other things a first time mum has to deal with, I definitely will not be judged by people for making a thought out decision to nourish my child. As Hoobley said, she went through a LOT in her change of circumstances in her life at that time and she simply could not focus on BF anymore, and fair enough? I would hate to think that ANYBODY, MW or otherwise would be so harsh as to say to her "Of course you can BF, it's all in your head."
The MW I saw was fine, it was just the BF thing that made me think, mmmm?

Thankyou for your kind words darl.