The best thing to remember, if the birth plan doesnt go to plan, try to go with the flow and remember that at the end of it you will have your beautiful baby in your arms which is the most important thing. The birth is one day (or a few depending on your labour), then you need to concentrate on feeding and raising the baby!
Reading parenting books is great, we had some ideas on how we wanted to parent, also recommend babylove book, it was great to look up the index at all times to see how baby was and what was normal, what was different, how baby is doing. Getting everything ready for the baby is great, getting the clothes and room ready. I also did a meditation with the baby every day for 10mins and talking to the baby and letting them know I was thinking of them and we will get through the birth together.
Thank you girls. It's nice to see that you understand my neurosis! I am doing better today after my talk with DH. I think it's a great idea to do some reading on parenting stuff rather than birth stuff (I've read all that to death anyway...)
Thank You
xxx
Maybe give yourself some time to sit and think thru all the different scenarios too, i've done that and found they all end the same way - me with a baby in my arms! Good luck, try to relax on it all a bit.
I got to where you're at. I was so focussed on the birth I had myself tied up in knots if it wasn't going to be a perfect homebirth. I read so much about birth it did my head in. I needed to let that go and I started doing more reading about when baby was here - 2 great books are Baby on Board and the Wonder Weeks.
When it came to the birth, bub came early and was a breech baby. We were informed enough to be able to engage in a dialogue with the doctors etc when it came to a c/s, continuous monitoring etc. I ended up with a great birth (until the end). Even though our baby sadly died, it had NOTHING to do with the birth. In fact, the birth turned out to be a wonderful experience for us. A lot of my "techniques" went out the window, but all the preparation kept me calm and I had a drug free, natural, vaginal breech birth.
Persephone's idea about a Birth Preferences list instead of a Birth Plan is really good. The main thing to be sure of is that you and your support team agree about all the major things, so you don't feel undermined afterwards if say you end up with a c/s you didn't want.
I think the most important thing in having a 'good' birth experience is that you are able to make informed decisions on your own behalf. In a way, the details (ie, exactly what happens) are less important, if that makes sense.
I feel bad about what happened to me and my baby because it was all precipitated by an unecessary intervention and because of some shortfalls in the care we received. If, for eg, we hadn't been forced into it, if we'd decided it was necessary, then I think my perspective would be very different, even if things had happened the exact same way.
Having an ideal is fine, but you can't judge yourself by whether you achieve it or not - you have to judge things according to the specific context at the time.
Thinking ahead to the parenting stuff is a good way to switch perspective though - more reading!
oh hun you're in the same place I was just a few days ago. Think if I read one more study/advice on VBAC's think I will literally explode. Talking to my DP has really helped remind me that birth is just a few hours of our little ones life, there is so much more to prepare for.
Focusing on the practical side of having a new born in the house again has helped me. Preparing meals that can be frozen, stocking up on things like laundry powder, longlife milk, toilet paper, meal basics, pads. You can read all about the sleep depravation but seriously until you got through you cant really comprehend just how tired you and your DH will be. So having sites/pages/phone numbers bookmarked for advice on sleep/feeding issues is great. Use this time to research things like different formulas/bottles (even if you plan on breastfeeding, just in case) settling methods, burping techniques, anything and everything about having a 0 -12 mth old.
all the best with the birth and life with your new one.
Hmmm, I found this post that I wrote a week before dd was born. I remember the state I had got myself in when this was written. Makes me smile now because the birth I had was the complete opposite to what I had visualised. I ended up having an emergency c-section at 36 weeks (6 days after I wrote the original post). My placenta had started to break down and dd was failing due to lack of nutrition. I am forever thankful that dh made me go into the hospital when she stopped moving (I didn't want to be a neurotic mum). He listened to me and realised that I was more worried than I was letting on. I am also thankful for the midwives who took me seriously and monitored me, and the OB who did the ultrasound and found that dd had stopped growing. I found out after the c-section that my placenta had actually started rotting inside me. Had DH and I ignored the warnings and waited for labour, things may not have worked out like they did.
As it is- I have a BEAUTIFUL 5 month old daughter. She lights me up every day and although I am sad that I didn't get to experience the "perfect" birth, mine was perfect because it produced her. I will forever be thankful for my birth which was FULL of interventions and completely medicalised.
I'm glad to hear she's so well!
It's ok to feel sad missing out on something you wanted - sometimes unfortunately our babies have different ideas to us. Really glad to hear you were looked after the way you needed to be.
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