At my hospital we're only allowed two in the delivery suite. at this point in time I'm only having DH, but I'm seriously thinking of asking my Mum to come with me. I think she could be a bit of a calming influence for DH if he freaks out about how much pain I'm in. Anyway's the hossy also has a policy about family waiting round till the birth. They are not allowed to hang round, but have to wait till visiting hours to come and see Peanut. This is killing my parents as they really want to be there to meet their first grandchild as soon as they can. but unfortunately not much I can do about the whole hospital policy.
Townsville Hospital is the same with family not being allowed to wait around. Birth suite has a tiny waiting room and it is meant to be a place that support people can go to heat up food for themselves, get ice or just have a bit of time out so they don't want people in there waiting.
As frustrating as it is for people not to be allowed to wait, labour can be quite long so they will probably more comfortable waiting for a call from home. It also gives you and your DH some time alone with your baby, and you the opportunity to have a shower before you have visitors.
Townsville Hospital did allow some visitors up in birth suite after the birth when the mum is ready for them. Tara, if you parents don't want to wait till visiting hours, and you are happy to have them up for a visit, they may be allowed up to birth suite to see the baby after everything is over. Might be worth asking the hospital about it.
People can "need" to be there all they like... but it isn't about them, it's about you and your partner and your baby.
Childbearing and birth and parenting often bring issues like this to the surface - how you set boundaries, how you allow people to dictate to you. You say this is an ongoing problem for you and they sound like wonderful people who smother you a little bit - I think it might be worth getting some counseling from someone who can help you work through why you find it so hard to say no to people who love you. You deserve to be able to do that at these important times in your life - and if you don't start now, trust me, it will only get worse.
My sister said something to me the other week that really resonated with me: "We teach people how to treat us". That is so true. But it's quite freeing, because once we accept that, we accept that we have a choice to teach them something different!
On a more practical level, I had my sister and my daughter at my 5th delivery, and while it was wonderful for me, my dh felt a bit marginalised. The hospital made the decision for us in that there were limits put on how many were allowed in, and dh was happy and that made me happy. In the end, the room was too small for anyone else anyway. I'd have felt crowded had there been anyone else in there, particularly at the delivery when there were two obstetricians, a student, two midwives, dh and me in there!
I wouldn't be beyond giving the odd little white lie and telling rellies and friends that "the hospital's policy says only this many".
30 people! Good grief it's a birth, not a footy match!
I've worked in quite a few birth suites around the place and for the most part the maximum number allowed in addition to the mother is 2, or sometimes 3.
Any more than that, and it starts to get cramped. There is really no benefit to you either having more than 2 or three people and it is all about *you* and your needs. This is an intensely private and intimate experience, not a spectator sport.
You should only allow the people who you really want to be there - allowing anyone else will make you uncomfortable and that can seriously hinder your labour. YOu don't need to give them an excuse, it's too important. Just tell them no thanks.
Sometimes I have clients who are agonising over this same issue and wondering who to have with them - my advice is to ask themselves if they would be OK with this person walking in on them having sex.
If the answer is no, then don't bring them into the birth space.
Who ever is in the birth with you is going to see you in a very vulnerable position, making lots of noise, probably naked, with fluids leaking, and the state of your vagina and cervix being a frequent topic of public discussion and speculation. (It sounds crass but unfortunately that's the reality of hospital birth). You have to be comfortable with that and their feelings don't really come into it
with the birth of DD i wanted to have my mum and DH there. in the end DD arrived early and fast so only DH made it (and only just!). in all honesty i felt that only having DH there was a bit lonely and also a big responsibility on him to guide me through the whole thing (we had rather inattentive birth staff).
for any future birth, i will want to have DH, mum (or a good friend) and a doula.
ours was a private hospital and they had very firm limits of 2 support people and no waiting area...
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