So as we third trimester general discussioners get closer and closer to labor I wonder how we all feel.
In the beginning of this pregnancy I was nothing but excited and far from scared. Yet now that it is 2 and half months away I find myself concentrating on some questions.
- Even though I have decided to have an epidural and maybe some pain relief medication towards the end (anxiety reasons) I am still scared. Mainly I am scared of not knowing. this is my first baby and I have yet experienced chidbirth.
- Will it hurt so bad after the baby is born (1st couple days) that I wont get to fully concentrate on my little one?
- I hate hearing about this , "Fight or Flight," thing. It scares me. what if I flight?
It is almost like I want to just get it over with and I have two and a half months to go. I feel bad that I feel these things but I can't seem to push them out of my mind.
Where is everyone else at on this?
How do you fellow 3rd Trimesters feel Now?
I'm in my 2nd tri with baby number 3 and the only advice I can offer is try not to get too wound up about the impending birth. I gave birth both times with no pain relief at all and believe me if I can do it anyone can, but if you do require some just go in with an open mind and try to go with the flow and accept what needs to be done, don't go in with too many pre-conceived ideas about how things are going to happen.
Focus on the end result..there are times when the fight or flight thing kicks in briefly but I found you can't do either. You certainly can't run away from it but you can't fight it either, I found when I got to that point and felt overwhelmed I realised that being tense and afraid was making everything worse so I completely let go and relaxed and instantly everything felt better and started moving so much quicker.
So just remember to use your mind as much as your body because it really does help.
This worked for me both times but you have to get to a certain point in labour.. you'll know it when you you get there prior to that it's natural to fight it.
All the best and takecare,
Cheers Missy
So far I am really relaxed and excited. I want a natural birth and the only pain relief I want is gas If need be. I know I will be in pain and it is going to hurt but I know that us women are made for this so I know I will cope through it all and come out ok. I sometimes think "I wonder how bad the pain will be" but I still am not stressed or worried. I just think I have experienced people that will be with me and I have my family that will be there for support so I know I will be ok. The only thing I am actually stressing about is going past my due date! That is what is killing me the most and the fact I am just sooo excited I want to meet my little baby now!
I think I am so relaxed as well because I have had such an easy pregnancy and feel fantastic that I haven't felt 'down' about anything or the need to get upset or worried etc.
dont worry you will most likely be sore afterwards but nothing will stop you from concentrating on your new baby!
try not to focus on the pain side of things, one way or the other your baby HAS to come out and you will get through it. and if you have the epidural it shouldnt hurt at all anyway.
i was a lot like you for first birth and your right its more about 'not knowing', so all i can suggest is be open minded, go with the flow and try to relax!
I know what you mean, but I'm trying not to let myself worry or be scared. Instead I'm doing all that I can to educate myself about birth and the different options that are available (BTW I can't recommend the Active Labor book highly enough) so that I'm as informed as I can be. I suppose for me, the more informed I am, the more in control I feel, and the less I worry about it, iykwim?
We've just started our hospital classes and the midwife who is doing them has one saying that she thinks is key to a good labor ? open mind = open cervix.
So I'm trying to latch on to that mantra and just let what happens, happen. Yes I have an idea of how I want my labor to go, but I'm leaving myself open to changing my mind along the way... open mind, open cervix.
Labour can be a scary thing, especially if you don't know what to expect. I think that the advice of other people in here of educate yourself as much as possible is probably going to help you the most. If you know what to expect you can start to understand that what you are going through is natural and that you are okay and will be okay. Make sure that your support person for labour and birth (your DP or whoever you are having there) is also educated because it will make it easier on you if they know what is going on and are able to stay calm.
Also, you may find that you are surprised with your bodies own ability to cope with things you didn't think it could.
Try not to dwell on the pain (don't be in denial though - it does hurt and you need to be prepared for it so that you can manage it when the time comes) but think about the baby and that every contraction will bring you one step closer to being able to cuddle your new little person.
Practice some of your pain management techniques. They only let you have an epidural and other pain relief after labour has progressed to a certain point. Before that, you will most like be at home so you will have to have other pain relief management . . . like a lovely warm bath or shower, hot water bottle, going for a walk (not only helps labour but decreases some discomfort - in my experience anyway) and breathing is really really important. If you breath correctly it can have a huge impact in relieving pain. (They got us to practice this while holding an ice cube in a fist for 1 min at antenatal class - without the breathing technique and with the breathing technique - it is a good way to practice breathing through pain).
Don't know if any of that helped very much. I understand how you feel . . . it is an incredibly daunting experience. I am overwhelmed by it even now and I am having my third baby. I also try and put it in perspective too - it is just one day of my life and then it will all be over. At the end I get a great reward and it is sooooo worth it.
Jess - I have done this 5 times before and I would be lying if I said I was completely at ease about going into labour. I'm not. It still scares me. Aren't I just a pillar of strength and comfort? Granted - I don't think it is as bad as it was the first time around. I have even had my moments this time where I wanted to change my mind though. Although - I may be more frightened of the needle than the labour. I get anxious just sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office worrying if I am going to have to have a needle.
What I can tell you is this. The pain is purely physical. I have never been left feeling emotionally or mentally 'upset' about natural labour pains. The majority of my recoveries have been a breeze - only the canula has ever given me issues with baby - but that was with Haz because they stuck a bloody straw in my arm and I couldnt bend my wrist. With Lyta I couldnt get off the bed for the first 24 hours because of a catheta (put in to drain my bladder because of the pph) so that impeded me as well. Had to keep buzzing the nurses to get her out of the crib for me and they changed all her nappies and had to change her clothes. I did feel a little ripped off.
Okay - so maybe a good pattern you can take from mine is - the less the staff do during labour, the easier it is afterwards, lol.
rambling - sick. Hope there is something helpful in all this gibberish.
hey hun
ive also been packin' it for the last few weeks as i could go any day now
best advice ive got is
- dont go into labour with strict ideas abt how its gonna go, what drugs u will/wont take etc, cause then if things change u will feel out of control and anxious (as an anxiety sufferer this was a huge step for me to understand and overcome)...you need to be willing to go with the flow
- like the other girls said, this baby has to come out one way or another...VB or CS, both will be painful, but pain doesnt equal misery!
- dont focus on your due date!! whoever invented due dates should die!!! only 2% of babies come on thier 'due date', about 40% before n 60% after...and 1st time babies most likely after...me and my belly buddies girls have 'adjusted' our due dates to 10 days after our 'due' dates so we dont go crazy after the due date passes...i sugest u do this too...and if you go over, dont stress, your baby is fine, it just gives you more time to sleep in and prepare...you will have this child in your care for years to come, so im sure you can wait a few more days!!! HTH GL
tattoo-mama-
I like one thing you said and I think it is something I should focus on. Stop focusing. I have been so focused on the pain relief, when I will get it. I have made an exact plan because I am such a person that needs to be in control. But I think if I go in with an open mind I will be better. I have huge anxiety problems and I think as long as I know they can give me some kind of pain relief (hopefully an epi) I will be ok. Thats all i ask. lol
Jessica you sound a lot like me in my first pregnancy - I stressed a lot and wanted to control everything. But the thing is that unfortunately a lot is out of our control and we have to just run with what happens. I still want to control what is happening with this pregnancy and labour, but I am also learning to accept what ever is happening and to only worry about the things I can control. The best advise has already been given above in regards to relaxing, breathing and staying at home. Educate yourself and BB is a great place to get info.
Jessica - If you want an epi, you may have to be very persistent in asking for it. MW can be a bit funny about epi's. In my last labour I just repeatedly asked for it over and over again until they agreed. My first labour, the put me off for 4 hours (and then it was another 2 hours till the anaesthetist got there).
You may even completely surprise yourself and cope way better with the pain than you thought you would. I have friends who thought they would need an epi and found labour not as bad as they thought. Me, on the other hand, I was dead set on natural labour with no drugs and when it came down to it I was so tired I couldn't do it anymore. I think it was partly because I was not overly prepared for what was going to happen (the first time) and the second time I was induced and that is a whole other story.
Im not going to lie. Labour is excruciating. But hay.. who cares. Its a pain u do forget and i just kept telling myself, it wont last forever. When it comes to labour.. expect the unexpected. U may want an epi but they might not do one if u are too close to bub being born. Personally i thought the epi hurt abit more than the labour!!!!
Mine ended in an emergency c/section. So i was unable to walk or move real weel for the first week but that didnt stop me focusing 100% on my baby. Its what i had to do, and i didnt even think about the pain really.
I dont think anyone is really ever "ready" for labour. Its like saying.. hay are u ready to come get your arm chopped off. But its just another thing us wonderful woman have to suck up and hope and pray that just someday our husbands get to experience some sort of the same pain. When DP gets sick now and is like... oh im so sore.. im sick yadda yadda yadda.. i just have a little chuckle in my head. He has no idea what pain is.
You have to remember, we are built for this. We are meant to go through labour and birth.
As much as it hurts... it is ab****ley awsome when they pass that baby to you that u grew inside u. Such a surreal feeling
Hello! I have to agree with Tattoo_mama when she says not to go in with concrete expectations and plans. Child birth is a grey area that no-one can predict how it will progress and what you will feel. Going in with an exact plan, in my opinion, is a sure way to make things worse and increase anxiety.
With my first labour I went into my labour with an open mind but well educated. If I needed pain relief then I needed it...amazingly I didn't use pain relief...that's not to say it was easy or painless...it was painful...but I think your mental state has a huge impact on how you cope with the pain. I remember during transition feeling completely out of control, I was hysterical, I wanted to make it all stop and leave and I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I asked for Pethidine and was told that I couldn't as I was too far along..this was all I needed and I snapped out of it and focused on the fact that I wasn't that far off meeting my beautiful baby...it was purely psychological but my goodness I felt out of control and until I could gain control of my mind everything else was going crazy as well. Don't get me wrong..I am not saying that it is mind over matter for everything, but I just remember that particular part of my first labour so vividly and remember it was a huge thing to overcome that.
Researching non medication pain reliefs is definitely a good idea and as mentioned will help you during those hours when medication may not be available. Movement worked for me and then when I was becoming more tired as labour progressed the shower was my best friend.I spent 3 hours in the shower with the water running on my back and head..I was sitting on a fit ball..it was relaxing and quiet (the sound of the running water helped) and the water was wonderfully soothing.
Practicing breathing techniques is a good idea...I didn't with my first labour and initially I thought I was going to pass out from hyperventilation, then the nurse told me to moan whilst I breathed as you don't exhale so fast is you are using your vocal cords..and although initially i felt stupid moaning and making noises (like an animal lol) eventually I didn't even care because it worked and that's all that mattered.
Hopefully you have helpful midwives that can suggest things to help..my midwives were great and I am going to try to take their advice from last time into this labour...but I am still going to go in with an open mind...what ever I need to get me and the baby through it safely is how it will be. If I need the drugs this time..then so be it..doesn't mean anything other than this labour was different to last time.
As for me...I must admit I am a little more scared this time than last time. Sounds silly but now I know...and it's not that what I know was bad...in fact my labour with my daughter was wonderful (I would rather do labour than pregnancy!)... my fear is that things can only go down!! I'm scared I'll tear..which I didn't last time...that i'll freak out etc. I am working hard to put these thoughts out of my head as everyone keeps saying if you did it ok first time then chances are you'll do it ok second time. I hope so! My focus when in labour is that the pain is not a 'bad' pain...it's not like a broken leg or amputated limb etc..this pain is so that my baby can come out..and that is a good thing...its not an unknown pain, does that make sense? I know what i'm trying to say just not sure it is coming across well!
Education and an open mind is the best way to approach labour...what is going to happen will happen, and luckily at the end of it all..be it a few hours or a day etc...you will meet your gorgeous baby and a few months later you will forget how fearful you were because you will be so overwhelmed by your child. Good luck with everything, you will do well (afterall..if it was THAT bad..why do we go and do it again..and for some people again and again and again lol)!
Just remember... women have been having babies for thousands of years!! Many also did it drug free before birth became "medical" like it is today. Now there is nothing wrong with having drugs for pain relief if you need it... everyone has different pain thresholds but if you do want a drug free birth then believe in yourself that you can do it. Trust your body and trust your baby.
I had a drug free (no gas) natural labour and birth (she was posterior too!!) and I believe that my mindset I was in really helped to achieve the birth I desired. Be strong and confident and trust yourself.
If you have too much fear, it can make the pain worse.... iykwim? Don't let the fear overwhelm you. let go of any fears you have and go in open-minded
And EMBRACE the pain you feel.... it's all GOOD pain... after all, you're about to meet your baby... it's worth it
Are we ready for labor???
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and the fact I am just sooo excited I want to meet my little baby now!
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