Like the others have said, it's so important to do whatever feels right for you. I just had DH for our first and that's who it will be this time around - besides the MW/Dr of course. I felt like if I had my mum I had to ask MIL and there was no way I wanted her there, nice though she is, we just don't have that sort of relationship. Given the unpredictability of when things will happen, there's no guarantee of my mum getting there as she lives too far away anyway. DH was great, as were the MW, and like someone else said, once I hit 'the zone' I barely noticed anyone. Do what's right for you.
I had planned for my DH, SIL and MIL to be there. I was present at 3 of my SIL's 4 kids births - and it was very special to me. So I really wanted to show my gratitude to her (and let her experience what she gave me). My MIL was invited as my own Mother has passed. I'm a firm believer in village birthing where the people who are going to be important in the child's life are present at his birth - as it really helps the bond begin straight away.
I certainly found this was the case.
Unfortunately we were sent to a different hospital than we planned on and they wouldn't allow 3 people in with me - so MIL graciously offered to sit out. My DH gave his sister the honour of cutting my DS's cord - which meant soooo much to her.
I really wouldn't have changed a thing.
Having said all this - you must do what you're comfortable doing. I'm not an overly modest person, so the whole 'naked in front of others' thing didn't bother me and I'm quite close with my SIL and MIL, so it felt quite natural. That wouldn't be the case for everyone.
With my first I had my DP, my mum, and my twin sister. Orignially It was just going to be my DP and my sister there with me only, but while I was in labour I really needed my mummy there.
They kind of took it in turns who'd have a break/nap, etc so it worked out well.
With DS2, I had DP and my mum. My sister was looking after DS1.
Good luck with your upcoming birth. I hope it all goes well.
xox
I planned on it being just my DF for similar reasons to you. However my grandmother drove me to the hospital, and my mum's daughters were in kids unit already. They sort of both came back to say good bye and ended up staying. I didn't use them as support for me - I feel sorry that they were less involved they basicaslly sat in the corner for 3 hrs - but they were a great support t my DF. I didn;t realise it but they were making sure HE was hydrated, and he was ok etc.
It doesn;t sound like we should worry about them, but realistically they do a lot for us by being there so i was glad i had some background support to support him. Also, my mum held my other hand when i was pushing (i ended up on my back and he was out in three pushes, so very grateful) - and she captured the immediate post-birth photos which i am also very glad i have...
Have a think about it... your DH wont be able to do it all so it depends what you want out of your support person... Do you have a friend who could be a quiet one in the corner with a book and just do photos for you, or take over if your DH needs to go to the toilet or have a drink etc...
I've got my DH and my best friend lined up for my impending VBAC (along with the midwife and Dr, of course). My husband isn't really keen on being there by himself as he's not good in hospitals, let alone being the only one around to deal with me in labour. When I mentioned that I could ask my BF to come, it made DH feel heaps more confident and happier to be there. My BF has been induced twice, but both unfortunately resulted in C/S due to bubs being in distress. As I'm hoping for a natural birth she is really looking forward to being part of the experience and is going to help me in every way possible to get my natural birth. I would love both my sister (who has hypnobirthed twice) and my mum to be there, but my sister is in Brissy and my mum will be looking after our 2 y.o. DS.
Every birthing book I have read notes the importance of having a birthing partner that you are comfortable with and who will support you fully. So it doesn't matter if that's a Doula, your DH or whoever - as long as you want them there and that they want to be there for you.
Ooh, Dragoncookie reminded me of asomething... my friend who was present for DD2's birth took fantastic photos & video! Something we would not have had if she hadn't been there.
Again, though, it is totally up to you (and your DH). The most important thing is for you both to be comfortable with whoever you do or don't have there.
Sorry to sound like a parrot, but it's really a personal choice and depends on what you feel comfortable with!
I just had DH, and he was the best support person I could have asked for - I apparently didn' t even let him get as far as the toilet once we were in hospital. I also had a very supportive mw (we did group practice, so you have the same mw for all your appts and the birth, which meant we had a good relationship).
I know a few of Mum's work collegues thought it was odd that she wasn't going to be there, but tbh, neither her nor myself thought about it - we both figured it was an experience for hubby and me.
So exciting to be thinking about these sort of things - means its all getting close for you!!
With DD, DH and I thought a similar thing to you - very private situation, wanted it to be just the two of us plus medicos - MW, student MW and Obs when required. My sister had a bit of a circus (in numbers only, it wasn't too chaotic!) at my niece's birth, she had DH, Mum, me and SIL - we decided we wanted to avoid that and keep it private!
My mum and sis actually came to the hosp when I was in labour, I didn't mind that but they knew our feelings on staying out of the actual birth suite. It was great to have them there as a backup for DH and the plan was that he could duck out for a break, loo, coffee and one of them would tag team in so I wasn't alone.
However! Best laid plans - we hadn't counted on me being in labour for 30+ hours, active labour for 18 and by the last 6hrs or so (when it reached around midnight) we were all so exhausted that Mum and sis ended up in the room with me and DH sort of by default!
It worked really well - DH got a little powernap in the chair and I still had two people to support me - I was so exhausted that I couldn't even shift without needing to be lifted! So they ended up being there when they were needed and this worked out perfectly for us.
What we will do this time around, we haven't quite discussed.
I guess my point is that you make the decision you feel comfortable with now (as lots of the PPs have said) but be flexible on the day! It might turn out you need more support than you'd thought, or you might be overwhelmed if mum is there and might need to ask her to leave! Just do what feels right!
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