Would you go into debt for your childs secondary education?

[Macca79]

In your case I think the big thing is your DD. Maybe some time with you at home with space is what she needs to help her deal with how her father is treating her. IF he has been paying the bill for education till now then he is responsible for last term as she was still with him then and that is one of the reasons why he got the settlement, for having the kids.

Once things calm down just be truthful with your DD and let her know money in your house is not like it was with dad. Get her involved at looking at local schools you can afford so she has a choice, she might not like it to start with but in time she will come round in time.

We are living ina time when money is really important and getting into debt over a matter like this could make life very hard for you later, particularly with other kids.

[Lulu]

IF he has been paying the bill for education till now then he is responsible for last term as she was still with him then and that is one of the reasons why he got the settlement, for having the kids.
.

This is the crux of it for me (aside from the twat-like attitude). The settlement was based on the kids, he chose the education and I'm pretty sure the CSA would agree.
Keep the email for later purposes won't you.

[anney]

:yeahthat: and also, the school will have a record of who has been paying and I am not sure what kind of paperwork they do in private schools but I would imagine when she was enrolled, he would have signed something to say he was going to pay the fees. So in no way would you be responsible for last term and I would say even if you kept her there until the end of the year, they would be chasing your DH for money and not you.
All that aside, hope your DD is OK with all this. It must be difficult enough being 14 without being sent packing from home.

[Curly]

Chose to remove post.

[Nicambhar]

Well well well, don't think we need to worry about the schooling decision now .. DD came home yesterday from a weekend with her friends, cracked a wobbly cause she didn't want to come out to lunch with us and called her dad and went home. Haven't heard a thing yet from them.
What a bizzare situation...

[Turkish Delight]

That's teens for you Sue

I'm suprised her father took back, give that he hung up on her calls.

[Nicambhar]

TD, yeah teens alright... kind of worries me what kind of people my kids are going to grow into given the behaviour they witness from their dad and his wife. Monkey see monkey do I suppose....

[Muppity]

In this situation I would absolutely not be paying the money.

I hope that this is the last that you hear about it for a while - but if I were you I would be checking out the other schoolign options as it wouldn't surprise me if it all blows up again soon.

Good luck.

[Bathsheba]

Really interesting reading all of the replies.. My crap situation aside, I often wonder why people feel the need to plunge into such a huge commitment.

We have spent well over $100k on our DD's private education... not just highschool... since pre-school. Worth every cent.

Why? Both DH and I were bright students in the public system. We were both very let down by the public schools and by our parents. Essentially I was a shy student who found that most of my teachers time was spent keeping the loud/disruptive students under control. DH was brighter than me but there was no individual differences program back then... he just twiddled his thumbs waiting for everyone else to either catch up or shut up. Our parents either didn't think that there was a better option or didn't want to spend the money... they preferred to spend the extra money they had on themselves... in my case boats/golf/horses/new homes. I asked to go to a private school where there were only girls because I thought it might help with some of the teasing and pressure to have a boyfriend etc. Both DH and I were just pushed through the system like sheep... well that's how it felt.

We are not sending our DD to a private school only for academic reasons. It's also so that she can receive pastoral care and benefit from the excellent sports program (she is very into sport). We feel that the culture of the school is what we are paying for. It's a very safe and caring culture. If my DD has any issues we are contacted immediately. If she doesn't hand in her home work her teacher gives me a call. Last year this annoyed my DD... because friends of hers that attend the public highschool said that the teachers there don't call parents if you don't do your home work... this appealed to my DD (LOL) and she said "I want to go to a school where the teachers don't care so much" Hmmmm.

Ok so we haven't gone into that much debt. At the moment each term costs about $5,000 and we are usually able to pay off the credit card that we use to put it through before the next term is due. The most tangible proof that we are getting value for money is in our DD's confidence. She is an average student but her attitude is one that has her believing that she can do anything if she tries hard enough. Her teachers have an exceptionally high morale and all seem to love working at her school... this transfers through to the students.

I guess we all parent in a way that makes up for things we all feel we missed out on as children... I always had lots of "stuff" lived in brand new and nice homes with pools and all the mod cons.... but this wasn't what I needed. My parents ended up divorcing and all that stuff was lost anyhow. I always say too that "you can't repossess an education" even if things do get dire.

DH feels that his skills were never maximised at school... he never developed that confident "can do" attitude until well into his adulthood... he wants our kids to avoid history repeating itself at all costs. It means that ATM we have to rent... but you can buy a house anytime... our kids only get 1 chance. Once they have left school then then you can't change your mind... it's done.

[Turkish Delight]

Baths. Well said hun.

Would you/do also send your other kids to private schools to?

I am having this dilemma atm.

[murraysmum]

i will be letting my son decide me and dp have been talking bout ag college thats if he wants too we would fork out the 34 thou a year for him to attend but if he wanted to study music i would do the same thing it depends on what they want and need same with uni we would help with some of it not all of it as they need to learn what its like to stand on ones own feet without struggling so much they see no light at the end of the tunnel

scolloships are great as they set you up to thrive

[Bathsheba]

Ta TD I felt a bit nervous about the reaction I was going to get... being so "pro" the private system.

Our 5yo DS is attending a local public primary school for two reasons: It has an exceptionally good reputation and also because he is a very shy child we wanted him to go to a school where he knows as many other kids as possible. All the kids in our street go to this particular school. DH wants to transfer him to a private school (that goes from prep to year 12) in grade 5. Most of the families with boys in our street end up sending their older boys to this school too for highschool.... and all the families are exceptionally happy with this school. This school also has a pre-school and we are thinking of putting our youngest (currently 3yo) there too... so he might go right through like our DD did... from primary to highschool. Expensive yes, but at least we'll get sibling discount! I'm also hoping to teach eventually and might apply to this school. I worked at my DD's school when she was in grades prep - year 3 and so I received a 25% staff discount. Well, that's the plan anyhow.

ETA: we most likely won't be helping our children financially if they go onto uni. When I was at uni I had a casual job and paid my own way. DH also feels that our $$$ responsibility ends in year 12. We also won't be helping them buy cars or houses.

[sunnyday21]

Bathsheba - completly agree with what you have said. I to am a believer in that you only get 1 opportunity especially with education. I would spend the money on my children too. Well said.

[Bathsheba]

Thanks Sunnyday and welcome to BellyBelly!

Just to add another dimension to it all: I believe in the public system and if I thought that my children could get the best possible education in the public system I would use it. Unfortunantly it's just not the case at this time. I am a Socialist at heart and there are other aspects of my life that I feel more strongly about: like using public transport. We, as a family, use the public transport system daily. The idea of going into debt to have our own private vehicle doesn't sit well with us at all. I know that we are lucky in that we have busses and trains within a blocks walk. I know that some people have no choice but to go into debt by about $20,000 to have a car. But lucky we don't. I often think that if I drove and we were a 2 car family then we then wouldn't be able to afford private education. I guess you can't have it all. For US as a family we believe that money is better spent on education than transport... but that's just us... I don't expect everyone to agree

[Muppity]

ETA: we most likely won't be helping our children financially if they go onto uni. When I was at uni I had a casual job and paid my own way. DH also feels that our $$$ responsibility ends in year 12. We also won't be helping them buy cars or houses.

This was how I was brought up as well Bath. My parents always told us that they would buy us the very best education that they could afford but it was up to us to do what we wanted with it. If we went to uni or wanted to buy things then use our brains (and brawn) and get on with it ourselves. I turned out just fine! And you know what - its how I plan to bring up my kids too.

[widdly]

wow Bath, I love you and your DH's views on life and where you put the importance on things. I have never actually thought about education quite like that. Everything you said about you and DH as kids being very bright and just having to sit there doing nothing while the rest of the class caught up, thatshow my education was and I gave up in the end and really bombed out in year 12 cause there just wasnt enough time to have one on one with a teacher to work out where I wanted my studies to take me. You have really made me think more about DS schooling, thanks heaps

[Bathsheba]

I agree Muppity I don't get the need for parents to give deposits for homes especially. DH and I have resigned to not being able to afford a home until all the kids have left home.... and that's ok. Then we won't have to downsize. I know my parents are proud of having bought my sister and I so much stuff... but all I really wanted was butchers paper to draw on LOL I think they were a product of their own childhood... they were children of poor farmers... they must have always wanted stuff so focussed on giving that to us. Still... i dunno... I think a good education is the best of ALL investments.

ETA: Ta widdly

[Lulu]

Hmmmm, I suppose as long as you don't "buy" into the fact that a public education is less than a private one.

I have been educated at both public and private secondary and whilst I do agree the pastoral care was better private at the end of the day it comes down to the school itself. One public secondary I went to, although at it's strength back when I went there had sadly degenerated but the time I sent my daughter. However I do blame stupid Jeff Kennett with his 'merge all the schools' attitude because it certainly didn't work with this one, they ended up going back to the original plan but it never recovered.

I ended up leaving private for public because the public sports program crapped on the private. But that was just that school in a pool of many.

I had all intentions (and investments!) sorted for DD to have a private education but over the years I gained a much better 'feel' for the private schools around the area and quite frankly I didn't like what I saw.

I'm very glad we have an excellent public school close enough to send DD, the feel, the morale the attitude to the students and teachers alike really rocked my boat.

At the end of the day I want the best education for my (rotten, ungrateful) DD and if I had to pay for it I would - just thanking my lucky stars that good public is available because she also needs thousands of $$ for orthodontic work