Feeling upset from negativity towards my choice to toddler bf and tandem feed

Hey guys

I need to get this off my chest, and I think DH thinks I'm over reacting so I thought I'd do it here!

Ok, so went to a wedding on the weekend. And it came up that I am still bf DD (who is 17 months, and I'm 30 ish weeks pregnant). Now this situation (still bf I mean) is something I am so comfortable with and it is just so very normal to us. But the attitudes of some people I spoke to really got to me and left me feeling really quite upset and hurt.
Questions from these people, followed by harsh looks (you know the kind where they make you feel about as big as a sultana!) left me feeling like absolute cr@p.
Questions like: "Well when are you going to wean her?"
"*DD's name* will drink all the milk and the poor little baby won't have any left and will be skinny"
"If she is still feeding by then she is just greedy"
"You need to have a break from bf, because you will fade away to nothing. It will take it all out of you" (This being said while glaring at me).
"You won't produce the colostrum"
"*DD's name* will be wanting to feed every time the little baby feeds."
Now I was able to respond right back to these mums, as I'm not quite as silly as they might think ;) and have done my research but I still felt like I was a joke.

I got so annoyed and all the stupid comments (from these other mothers) made me feel ashamed:rolleyes:..and I think because I am a fairly young mum, being looked down upon for the choices I and DH make, really hit a nerve.

I LOVE bf my DD (except for the nipple chewing:doh:), and maybe she will wean herself before our next bub comes, but maybe she won't and if this means that I am feeding two at the same time, WHY IS THAT SO WRONG??!!! (It's not I know!- so don't make me feel like it is please!!!!)..and if tandem feeding is too stressful for us and isn't working, then I will wean DD. I don't expect anything to be easy, or enjoyable at every stage and that's ok.That's the way life goes sometimes. But please just let me do what feels right to me as a mother!

hugs huni, your doing a amazing job. you arent over reacting thats hurtful.
don't ever disbelive in what your doing.
take care hun
rach xxx

:hug: :hug:

I know how you feel hun. I went through the same thing when I was pg with DS2. I had everyone including my mum and a GP at one stage, telling me I would have to stop bfing. It even got to DH who started suggesting I should wean too. As it turned out DS1 decided for himself when I was 4 1/2 months pg and self-weaned. And then when I sent an email to family and friends telling them how upset I was, I got responses such as "thank goodness he's stopped before the baby arrived. That's good news". WT??? Did they not read that I was upset??

All I can say to you, is that good on for you doing this and for researching and having responses. It is hard. But you know what - you can make a difference. Once these people see you doing it, it becomes just a little bit more normal to them. And when they see that you don't keel over from it and the baby and toddler both thrive, then they'll know it can be done and that you were right all along (of course ;) ).

Good on you hun. I really mean that. I was an older mum and I found it tough, I think is so impressive for a younger mum to have the confidence to stand up for yourself and not let them get to you. :hug:

You're not overreating - why do people think they have a right to question someone on these sorts of things. Sometimes it seems like people can't engage the brain before speaking! Good on you for answering back! :hug:

:confetti: What an awesome mum you are! Keep on going the way you are honey and don't let ignorance or the opinion of others stop you. MY DS weaned at 4 and a half months and I miss BF every day. You deserve a round of :clap: for putting up with such rubbish!

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"*DD's name* will drink all the milk and the poor little baby won't have any left and will be skinny"

"If she is still feeding by then she is just greedy"

"You need to have a break from bf, because you will fade away to nothing. It will take it all out of you" (This being said while glaring at me).
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Lol@will be skinny. Some people are silly. You should be proud of yourself. My husband would love for me to breastfeed the baby as long as I can. She is 4 months, 4 months of breastfeeding. He encourages it too. Ignore those people and good luck.

Congrats on 17 months of BF.. That is a great achievement and being 30 weeks preg,

I made it to 21 months with DS3 and I was 10 weeks pg but he weaned :(

I used to get stares and the odd comment.

I am Bf our youngest and I hope to make it to 2 yrs and I have already had a couple comments when people ask how long I am feeding for, Ii just say I;m to lay to get up and get her a drink ;)

Oh honey.... :hug:

You know all the right answers to those ridiculous comments!! ;)

It was very loosely said to me when I was breastfeeding #4, and #5 was diasgnosed with Cleft Lip and Palate, that it was becasue I breastfed through my pregnancy... :crying:

It was a devastating thing to say to a very emotional, upset mummy... I already had enough guilt.

I have b'fed through 3 pregnancies, but all have weened before being able to tandem feed unfortunatly.

If you do get to, lucky you!!!!! :dance:
Good luck babe!! :clap:

:hug: Jodie. What an awful, ignorant and insensitive thing for someone to say. And such a load of rubbish!

:hug::hug::hug::hug:
I agree with you fully do what you thinks right!!!! I wish I'd had the chance to tandem feed..... well maybe i still will! I think your wonderful still feeding while pregnant and it proves how strong you really are!!!!! Like every where you go someone will always have a negative coment, try and throw it back at them they'll get uncomfotable then!!!
Best of luck with your up coming birth and tandem feeding!!!!!
Snoopea

i believe if you make the milk and you're comfortable, go for it! your body will produce everything that your new bub needs, and DD may well wean herself when the new milk comes in anyway, because it will taste different. and if she doesn't so what? tandem feeding is normal, natural, and good for your DD, so stare down those interfering busybodies and do what you feel is right!

Just say you're keeping your options open!
You can always stop BF DD1 if you absolutely have to, but as you said - why would you stop when things are going OK?

And grrr to people who add extra stress to a special time...

Lee, congrats on doing a wonderful job Bfing! I'm glad you had answers ready for all those negative people. I don't know why people have the idea that they can comment on soemthing so personal.

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It was very loosely said to me when I was breastfeeding #4, and #5 was diasgnosed with Cleft Lip and Palate, that it was becasue I breastfed through my pregnancy... :crying:

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Oh Purplemamma, that is absolutely DISGUSTING!! I can not believe that someone would even "loosely" say that. I don't know how you held yourself back from smacking them out!!

Ugh, the ignorance of some people, honestly!! You're doing a fantastic job BFing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Lee, it's hard when people don't see bf an older bub (toddler) as normal I know. It seems that a lot of society see that if you bf past 6 months there is something wrong with it. I never saw myself going past 12 months but Oskar had other ideas and is still going at 18 1/2 months - however, I still see him as a baby in so many ways as well if that makes sense. I had an app at the hossy last week and the midwife (who was overall nice etc) made the comment to me that it will drain me to keep bf and being pg. TBH I don't think I'm any more tired now than I was when pg with Oskar. Good on you for commenting back!! You do what you find is best for you babies and don't you mind what others think!!!! :hug:

Jodi... what an inconsiderate comment to have made to you, what a load of hogwash!

Oh man, people SUCK. :hug: Lee - you're doing brilliantly and you'll keep doing brilliantly by both your kids.
I've heard so many fascinating things about tandem feeding - our bodies are so amazing. I heard one lady made two different types of milk at the same time - one breast made newborn milk and one made toddler milk (she knew because she asked her toddler, LOL!). Your body will do you proud, Lee, so hang in there and ignore people who are threatened by your Mummy-Goddess-type qualities :)
And hugs to those other girls who have suffered because of the insensitive, uneducated comments of family members, friends and complete strangers alike - you are all awesome and should be proud of yourselves.

Lee- i am struggling with the same battle atm. DD is 12 months and i am 18 weeks preg. I am sick of the looks and comments about me 'still' BF'ing.

The comments like

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You need to have a break from bf, because you will fade away to nothing. It will take it all out of you" (This being said while glaring at me).

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drive me crazy. It seems everyone thinks they know my body and babies better than i do. They say these comments like they are concened for my health, but they are not concerned, they are just being judgemental. If they were concerned then they would be supportive not critical.

Up theirs i say. I avoid talking about it now, or change the subject. I don't want to hear their negative crap. Like you, i'll take it as it comes, and i am sure i will make the right decision for all of us. Good luck to you. ;)

Oh sweety :hug: Some people are so RUDE and IGNORANT...... what is it about breastfeeding that makes people think they have all the answers and can question someones choices about it.... Good on you for having a reply hun and just remember you are right and they are uneducated and ill-informed and wrong which is pretty sad really... :hug: Hang in there and good luck hun.
I already get weird looks when I say that I want to breastfeed this little man longer than I did Izzy which was 11 mths :rolleyes: