TTC after Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth after the 1st trimester ~Jan #2

If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!

My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!

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Hiya lovely ladies, last thread is here

Hi again everyone.
Bec G - Thanks for sharing your story of Charlotte. It made me sad to hear they were telling you all that stuff during labour, as if you didn't have enough to worry about. I am sure she was beautiful, but I was the same, i was afraid of what she would look like. One of my first reactions when they asked me if I wanted to see her was that I couldn't cos if she looked like my son it would make it so much harder. Turns out she did. My only pics are the hospital ones too, but I am so glad I have them now. And I like you get through by knowing that their daddy's saw them.

Lynn - Good luck with your results tommorrow. And you make sure you stalk your doc all day til you get those results. I'm sure that you won't get into too much trouble if it's your first stalking offense:D

Dream - Thanks for your words. As you said about sometimes having too much info, I think what I did wrong was look into too many different things instead of waiting to find out about my own circumstances iykwim. I too like to know the details, I think this will make me more aware in my next pregnancy and you're right, ask the Dr's more questions. And yes, I have been here more, cant stop me now:D

Spring - Glad to hear you had a great time on the harbour, lucky you! So do you think the rello's bought your excuses for staying away from the champers?? Don't worry, you'll be celebrating soon enough. Not sure if I missed something in a previous post, but why does hubby have to go to Canberra? Does he work there? Hope you're OK without him. You don't realise how much you need them til they go huh? (But don't tell them that:D )

Mel - I hope you're feeling OK. That's really beautiful about Barney.

Hi all you wonderful women,

Hope today today has been kind to you all, its seems we need some+++vibes in here.

Lynn- Been thinking about you, we went down and had fish & chips on the beach, theres a half moon over the sea and there was just a slight breeze, I thought of your pome about the angels....I think all our babies were out tonight, playing in the breeze and soft moon light and I did have a smile......for all of us. How was dinner? did you have a drink? Good luck with bt results will talk later.

Mel - Hope your feeling better tonight, thats one of our favourite songs, as I said to lynn tonight was special...I was thinking about all of us down there.

Spring - What a great day by the sounds of it! good job with the passing the champ!! I always say that the medication im on you cant drink with....My close girlfriends are cathing on but now I might try your one next time. Where did you go on the harbour? where there fireworks lastnight? Hope tomorrow is not so tough and DH is home before you know it!

Bailey - Im glad your here more! Im not sure if it was you or Bec that lived in the E/S I could pick you up if need be, just let me know.

Bec - Hope your had a good weekend.

Clare - How you feeling? ms eased up any yet

Kirsty -Im dido with the girls please pass on my thoughts to deb we do miss her so much in here:hug: She said so many beautiful things to me when I lost the plot, I hope she feels our love beening sentxxxxx. When do you go back and get your test results?

I read through the post but had to put DS to bed in between so Ive missed where I was upto.....so if I missed anyone Im so sorry. A weird thing happen tonight DS told us that he was waiting in heaven with God till we got married so he could come down into my tummy, He knew that when daddy was born and then mummy that we would be the ones he picked and just had to wait, he wanted to know what took so long!!! but when I put him to bed he asked why his sister or brother arnt here yet......I have bumps all over me at the moment......do they know so much more then us? Anyway DH is off playing with some bluetooth thing for his car and needs me to help...of course so Ill calll back later if its not to late....Feds just won the tennis!!

Hi ya girls

Firstly, Deb thinking of you hun. Hope to see you in here again as soon as you are ready.

Just a quick post, it has been a very emotional day so far. I went to work today for the 3rd last time and got greeted by all these staff members saying "ohhh I hear you're pregnant again" I just burst into tears. I didn't want people to know, especially until we have all the tests done. We haven't even told family yet and my boss goes and tells half the staff that that is the reason I am leaving. To make matters worse, none of them know about Max, and they are all talking like this is my 2nd baby not my 3rd. I mean I know I lost Max early in the 2nd tri, but it still hurts that my little man is not acknowledged. Well I lost the plot and amidst tears told them all very bluntly that they shouldn't have been told and no this is not my second baby, I have a girl and a boy already!

So I get home and we have a bush fire close to our house, DP and I got in a huge fight (well he started yelling and swearing and called me a fool!) because I asked him if he had upped the house insurance. Of course he hadn't and wasn't happy that I had disrupted the cricket.:eek:

So now I am laying in bed feeling very sorry for myself, peed off with DP (I am refusing to talk to him now, no one calls me a fool and gets away with it) I am having major cramps, m/s and the silly travel bands have irritated the skin on my wrists:crying:

Oh what will tomorrow bring :icon_question:

Hi
I was wondering if I could join your thread - I lost my baby a few weeks ago at 24wks. I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that it has happened and thought I may get support (and provide support) from this thread.

I have not read through any of your backgrounds and will do that today - but just wanted to say I am sorry for your losses too.
Thanks, T.

Hey everyone,

Wow we fill up these threads quickly... I am pretty sure my long threads have nothing to do with it :rolleyes:

Tess - I am so sorry to hear about your darling boy Thomas :hug: I wish so much you didn't have to join us, but you are more than welcome. You have come to the right place for support, these ladies are wonderful and have gotten me through some very dark days.

Nat - What your son said gave me goose bumps as well... I often wonder if children are more intuitive than we give them credit for, like they have been here before. Glad to hear Feds won... hubba hubba ;)

Clare - That is awful about your work, how dare they tell everyone when you asked them not to. Some people need a big lesson is human decency! You are already mother of 2, and I am glad you put them back in their place. I am sorry to hear you had an argument with your hubby, it sounds like it was a rough day all round. I am sure you will work things out soon. But hey, I hope those fires are under control!

Lynn - I hope you are feeling ok today, yesterday must have been tough but you know you were in my thoughts :hugs:

Spring - Thanks for the chat, I always feel so much better after talking to you. Hopefully today is ok at work and they don't have you working too late.

Just wanted to tell you all something that I think is really cute, as you all know I was having my family over on Saturday night for an early birthday celebration and my nephew Wil came with my parents and his parents (my sister) came a bit later on. Anyway, when they got there they gave me a present and I asked Wil if he wanted to help me open the present, so he went to rip into the present but I pulled off the card and said you always have to read the card first, so I opened it up and silently read it to myself, so Wil tried to read it (although being only 3 he actually can't read a word) and read "Dear Mel & Wil", lmao it was so funny, so I said wow you are so clever that is exactly what it says... anyway, insignificant but it makes me laugh he is such a funny kid.

To everyone else I hope you are all well, have a good day.

Mel

Tess welcome to the group & may I pass on my condolences on the loss of your precious little man Thomas.

Hey Everyone,

Tess - welcome. I am so sorry that you have lost your precious little angel. I am sorry that we have to meet under these circumstance but you will find loads of support here from these wonderful women.

Mel - thinking of you babe :hug: I hope you are feeling a little bit better today. It is ok to cry, some days that is all I do and I can't stop. What I have realised is that there is nothing wrong with me, I am just missing Cooper so much that crying is the other thing that I can do. There is nothing wrong with you either, cry if you need to. I still get upset when I see babies on TV (and they are everywhere all of a sudden!!!!). DH and I were watching cheaper by the dozen on Saturday night and there was a pregnant girl in it, which didn't bother me that much, but at the end she gives birth and the husband comes out to the waiting room and says to his FIL, do you want to come and meet your grandson. I just bawled my eyes out because I wished so much to say that to my parents and DH's parents.
Your nephew is beautiful and I am so glad that he made you laugh..........and smile.

Nat - that is so beautiful that you thought of all our angels when you felt the breeze. I had a little tear when I read - all our babies are out playing. I used to always get so upset when I first lost Cooper because I thought he was alone and that hurt me so much because I couldn't be with him to look after him and protect him. But now I know he isn't lonely because he is playing with all the angels. Cooper is probably getting up to mischief (if he is anything like his father!!!!) and leading all the other angels a stray :)
Dinner was nice - we had a huge seafood platter. I ate way too much but it was good. No I didn't have a drink. I haven't had a drink since I fell pregnant with Cooper. Since Cooper's birth, I just haven't been able to have one. At first I still felt pregnant, seeing my belly but then it was like I can't have a drink because I should be breastfeeding. My friend asked me if I had had a drink to numb the pain, but I said to her that nothing can numb this pain. Now I am not drinking because I don't miss it and just don't feel like it. Plus it is better for me not to because of the weight issue - trying to keep it down to give me a better chance of TTC. I will have a huge celebratory drink once I have that miracle in my arms.
What your son said gave me goosebumps too. I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes. Enjoy the acupuncture - I might have to look into this if this month is not successful.

Clare - I can't believe your boss did that! Some people just don't think before they speak (I have found that out a number of times!!!). I am so sorry that they made you feel like that. I can totally understand that you want Max acknowledged - he should be. He is your son. I feel the same way about Cooper. I'm glad that you were able to tell them that you are a proud mother of 2 already. Big :hugs: to you - I hope the m/s has eased a little bit and the travel bands ease up on your skin. I hope today is a better day for you.

Jo - hope you are well, haven't heard from you for a while. Probably busy typing up all those recipes for me :)

Spring - hope you are ok today and not missing DH too much. Hope you are not too busy at work either.

Well Bailey, I did stalk my ob and it is my first stalking offense!!

I called at 9am and they didn't have the results, they said to call back at 10.30am. So I called back and the receptionist said that my ob has taken my results and would like to talk about it with me. So of course I freak out! He didn't do that last time. So I am on hold for what seems like years and eventually he comes on the phone and confirms that I did O. I just felt so sick the minute he told me. I am so excited because at least now I know I am working but.......................what does that mean now. He told me to wait until next Monday to see if AF has showed or do a HPT. Yeah right, as if I can wait until next Monday - that is a week away! Anyway I sat on the lounge and just cried. I don't know why. I think some of it was happy tears because my body is doing what it should and I think some were nervous tears. I am going to try to hold out as long as possible before doing the HPT because I know if I get a -ve I will be so upset. Let's hope it happened.............

Hey Lynn -

That is great news, I know you are a little nervous but it really is wonderful :D

By the way, you and I are due for AF on the exact same day - MONDAY :eek:

:crossfingers: for both of us, I am the same as you I will be devastated if she rears her very ugly head!

It IS really good news :)

Mel

Tess - I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Thomas. Every time we have a new person join our group a part of me cries inside, but know that you are welcome and I hope we can help you during this time.

Mel - :hugs: I'd be up for a melbourne meet. Like you I am half way between Melbourne and Geelong so am tipping we are in a very similar areas. That said if you just need a catch up or a coffee-buddy I am here for you. This is my email jmcarey76 @ hotmail.com if you want to get my number. Oh and you wouldn't have to worry about Bridie, if you weren't up to a 1 year old's company I have a fantastic family support network who would be more than willing for some time with her. I find that around the 2 to 3 month mark is hardest because its when the impact of your loss seems to deminish for everyone else and you start feeling like everyone else is say, gee she should be over it by now. THIS IS SO NOT THE CASE, part of you will never be over it, you will just adjust to it and accept it more, and it will only happen with time and how long doesn't matter and isn't anyone else's business, it happens when it happens... a little bit each day. Regarding your counsellor... I would be looking elsewhere, that behaviour is not acceptable. Alternatively if you were feeling strong, I would confront her about it. Don't be scared to ring the CMHN in your area, they are maternal health nurses too and there to help you as well, and will. They should be able to refer you to a beter counsellor for starters and are usually trained in greif councelling themselves. Also they would know of other women in your area who have or are suffering the same loss atm... maybe even know of a support group or be able to organise one. If you have any hassels let me know and I will talk to my CMHN on your behalf, she is brilliant.

OK super busy at work so no time really for everything else I need and want to say... thinking of you all and when I get some time will be back with heaps of personals..

OH work.. Clare - Huge hug for you too sweety. What a mentally defective boss to tell other people your news like that... I'm tipping its a male(the boss)!. Don't forget sweety, emotions and rationale go out the window during first tri... its like the hormonal rollercoaster from hell.

Oh me... getting better everyday, just playing catch up at work. I think I need a sherpa to get the everest of paperwork under control.

lynn - Recipies are coming.. in the mean time I have bumped up some old low carb (therefore low gi) recipies in the recipe forum.. they may be on the second page by now.

Alright.. so I fibbed, am not as great as I make out... just had a meltdown in the toilet at work.. and over the most stupid thing, sigs. I'm not critisising anyones sig, I LOVE YOUR SIGS, I have sig envy.. its just that as most of my angels were 13w or less I don't know if they were boys or girls. As you also know I have had my angels in and out of my sig (well mainly out) and until recently (last week) they were unkown of to the sig. My last 2 Iost souls were twin boys at nearly 16w. I never named them. They all deserve names but especially my boys, I can't use the I didn't know what the baby was. That sounds so wrong, of course I know what my angels were, they were babies... my babies, ok being totally irrational now. But then I have a dilema... At the 6w scan I had 3 sacs but only 2 heart beats... and I feel that I can't name 2 and not the third, but then I don't know if my angle was a boy or a girl. Then there are all the other unknown or named angels and it feels wrong to name 2 and not the others. hell i thought I had delt with this stuff and here it all is again. Sorry girls this is so selfish and indulgent of me, I shouldn't dump this on you all.. its actually really stupid and childish.

Tess - I am so sorry to hear about your little Thomas. You have come to the right place, the support here is amazing. I only joined a couple of weeks ago, but can honestly say I have felt so much better after talking to ladies who can understand what you are going through.

Kerry - I am sorry that you don't know if your angels are boys or girls. I have a friend who also has lost two bubs too early to know the sex, and she decided to still name them, but give them names that could be used for either sex. Don't feel that your post is stupid or childish, that is why we are all here, so we can come on here and talk, vent and get heard and support from the only people that can really understand. I hope you are feeling better.

Mel & Lynn - :crossfingers: for you both for next week.

Jo - You are not childish or stupid, I sort of see where you are coming from. Almost like you don't want to feel like you are acknowledging 2 of your angels and not the rest. I agree with Bailey though, maybe you could give your 2 boys names (I think it is never ever too late), and the angels you don't know the sex of you could give unisex names, even if it is just a nickname. It may make you feel a little better and it might further help you with what you have been going through. Maybe it would make you feel a little better having your "named" angels in your sig. You have every right to individualise them, even if you think it is a silly name it doesn't matter. Did you have any nicknames for them before they became angels? Anyway, it's something to think about. I am sorry you had such an awful day, I hope your evening is a little better. Re Melbourne catch up I would definitely be interested, and you would not have to leave Bridie with anyone - my husband has 3 kids (including a 2 year old) and my sister has a 3 year old and 3 month old so I will be fine... as long as I got to have a cuddle cause she sounds absolutely adorable :) Anyway, I will email you.

By the way, it's just when you feel you have dealt with everything and are getting better that it all comes flooding back like it happened yesterday. I often wonder will that ever go away? Just don't put the pressure on yourself to be OK, I guess it is hard with a little one to look after but you are still entitled to have your bad days.

Bailey - Thanks for the good luck, I think I will need it... I am becoming more and more convinced each day that I am NOT pregnant :frown:

Hope everyone else is well.

Mel

Hi
Thank you all for your welcome it is most appreciated. I hope I can provide support to you all in the near future too.

T.

Tess: I am so sorry for the loss of your angel baby Thomas. You have come to the right place. The ladies here support you no matter what and you can feel safe to say whatever you need to. We are all here to listen to you and help you through this painful journey. Huge :hugs: sweetie.

Jo: I can't imagine how confused you must feel. Each little baby, no matter how many weeks is a soul and you are their mum. I sort of have a similar situation. I lost Harrison's twin at 7 weeks. I had seen the heartbeat but never knew the gender. I call that baby Pumpkin. It is a pet name that I used sometimes and it just seemed perfect for me. If you find that you want to give those angel babies a name I agree with Mel and perhaps a unisex name is a good idea. I hope you are feeling better tonight babe. I am thinking of you.

Mel: It was great talking last night. Sorry if I sounded a little distant, I guess Matt leaving yesterday affected me more than I thought it would. Anyway I had a talk to him later that night and then again tonight so I feel better. How absolutely adoroable is Wil. I can imagine how him singing the Barney song broke your heart but what a beautiful thing for him to remember. He sounds like such a sweet little soul. I see in your post below that you feel that you are going to get a BFN, well I just want to say hun that it is not over yet and I am sending massive BFP vibes your way. Hang in there, I want this for you so much.

Lynn: How are you today babe? What great news that you have O'd. I know you are feeling mixed emotions about it but I felt the same when we were TTC. It is not disloyal to Cooper to want to a baby brother or sister for him but I know how it can make you feel really nervous and confused. I have everything crossed for a BFP for you this month. Hang in there babe.

Dream: What an amazing thing DS said to you. I have goosebumps all over my body. It really makes you wonder doesn't it. Children are just so innocent that when they say something as insightful as that it just means so much. What a wonderful child.

Bailey: How are you sweetie? About DH being in Canberra, he is doing training there with the AFP until June and he will be coming home on the weekends so it is a big bummer but hopefully the time will fly.

Clare: What you boss did is not only disgraceful and disrespectful but there may also be some legal issues in terms of privacy and confidentiality. I am glad you have left, you don't need the stress. You do have a daughter and a son and nothing can take that away.

Well I have spent the night trying to control my crazy dogs. I love them to bits but whenever DH is away, they go into protection mode and bark at anything including darn birds. The really look at DH as boss and me as an equal so it takes me a while for them to calm down and listen to me. Oh well,hopefully the neighbours will be ok. They are quiet at night which is important. It is just when I have been at work all day and get home that they loose their mind with excitment.

I hope everyone is ok.

Take care
Spring

Jo - I am so sorry that you have had such a terrible day. Hope tonight is better for you. Sending you a big :hug:
Perhaps it may help you a little bit if you do name your angels. I agree with the other girls about using unisex names for the ones that you are unsure of. It is definitely not selfish or stupid of you to post your message. If you decide to name your angels and would like some suggestions for unisex names, I would be happy to help. Did you have names for your babies before they became angels?

Mel - I hope your feeling of not being pregnant is sooooooooo wrong. I would love for you and me to post on Monday saying that we got our BFP. I still have my :crossfingers: for you. I hope the wicked witch stays away from both of us. I'll knock her down before she can get through your door.

Thanks Bailey for the good luck. I got over the first hurdle having o'd now I just need to get over the next one. Am trying to be positive but I'm so nervous and scared :eek:

Thanks everyone. You have no idea how many times I popped in to edit and remove the 'breakdown' section of my post.. but i think I knew that I had reach supression overload. I tend to sepress my grief over my lost babies for many reasons, guilt that it is somehow my fault, the fact that most of my family and friends don't even know about my angels (too scarred to talk about pg until past the first tri, and with my boys because of the fact dh and I had seperated so didn't want to be listening to all the family garbage that was to go with being pg) and also because I worry that it will somehow affect Brigid. I know this just means when the tough shell cracks its like a flood but I can't explain why I have to handle things like this, it definately isn't healthy or helping. I can honestly say joining you all has given me the courage to face my losses and embrace my babies that were meant to fly not walk.

Naming - because of my history I tend to not get attached too much to my darlings until after the first tri, then I nicname them. Brigid was Bigfoot because of a comment the sonographer made about the size of her feet. The boys were t1 & t2 and also bert and ernie.. So I suppose I could call them Bert and Ernie as I have relatives of those names also. I was tossing up naming them Thomas (the twin) and Cogan (co-wan, old irish name meaning "of a multiple birth'). I feel I need to also name B's lost twin, even if it is just something like LittleFoot, because of when she is older and I decide to tell her about her lost twin it will be nicer to have a name for the angel.

For my unknown angels I was thinking maybe if I named them after the birth stone or flower for the months of the year they were lost in. Or maybe even breeds of birds, because they grew wings and flew away?

Oh well a least I feel much better after my catartic breakdown of yesterday and thank you all so so much for the support and re-assurance you have given me.

Mel and Lynn - thinking of you every night before bed and sending anti AF and BFP vibes your way. OK that sounds wierd... I meditate before bed and concentrate on things then send out positive energy towards them, I don't know if it does anything other than help me sleep but you never know.

Hey everyone,

Well I couldn't control myself and did a HPT this morning with FMU... needless to say it was negative, further adding to my gut feeling I am not UTD! Unfortunately I used my last test this morning and haven't gone to buy anymore so will be unable to test before tomorrow night... how sad, I will be forced to drink the margaritas afterall :frown:

Spring - Hope those dogs are behaving themselves a little better tonight :)

Jo - I think naming your angels after something significant like the birth stone for the month they grew wings is beautiful.

Lynn - I know you have had a rough day, I am thinking of you :hug: I have been wondering all day what goes through peoples heads sometime, some people need to learn when to speak and when to shut up! Anyway, hope you are ok.

Hi to everyone else, I am off to have a big plate of vegies... dietician's orders :rolleyes:

Mel

Hi Kerry I am so glad that you are feeling a little bit better with about your angels. I think your idea about naming them after their birth stone is such a wonderful idea. When you said in your post about your babies who weren't meant to walk but were meant to fly, you send a shiver all over my body. That is such a perfect way to explain it. I am so glad you feel safe enough with us to just be yourself. :hugs: sweetie

Mel: Hey a BFN means nothing just yet. If I remember correctly you aren't due until the 5th so don't get too disapointed just yet. On the other hand, spoil yourself rotten for your B'day tomorrow and have those margaritas babe. I hope you have such a perfect day. I know tomorrow will in some respects be a day of mixed emotion but you deserve a wonderful birthday. Yippie, I love birthdays.

Lynn: Big fat +ive vibes for you babe. I want nothing more for you. Are you testing yet? I know it may be a little premature but I basically test from the moment AF finishes (lol)

Well I am going to make dinner. The dogs are still putting on a turn. I gave in and let them sleep in the ensuite last night. Don't tell the landlord. As soon as DH goes away they just get so clingy. I talked to him about it today and he said that given the fact that sleep is really important at the moment, let them sleep in the ensuite and then when he gets back for good they can go outside again. Cheeky buggers.

Oh well, hope you are enjoying your veges Mel, I am going to have a baked potato stacked with Corn, cheese and any other goodies I can find in the fridge. Boring I know but I couldn't be bothered tonight.

CYA
Spring

Hi girls

just a quick one I'll post personals later, back to school routine etc.

Tess Im so sorry for you angel Thomas having to go, I hope we can make this time a little easier for you, the girls are wonderful with support and advice. Like always I wish you didnt have to be here like the rest of us, but I hope you find peace, comfort and a smile from these wonderful women.

Me, Im not sure if I should be saying this and im sorry if I offend anyone but Im having a bummer of the last day and today, my baby went back to school yesterday. I didnt cry the day he started kindy but hay he starts primary school and I lost it (what the!) I went to the gym worked out hard came home and........nothing I was all alone. Today I should have been 20weeks......I think I thought that when he went back to school I would have something to look forward to but theres just nothing except tears, why is it still so hard? Life s*%$s sometimes. I never thought that I would be in place in my life I wanted three or four babies and look where im at after seven years I havejust one and 13 angel babies, and dont get me wrong one very precious monkey that Im so thankful for each and every day but its just.......well life is just strange.

Im sorry for going on and maybe sounding ungreatful but I need to just get it out so when I turn up in the playground this morning I dont start again!!!:boohoo: And to top it off I said I would help out with tears and tissues morning tea for all the mums who babies start kindy........go figure.

I hope you are all having a much better day then me and you can have a good old laugh thinking about the dumb mother standing there severing tea with tears!!!! I'll pop back later and catch up with you wonderful souls. xxxxx

MEL- HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE :confetti: enjoy your day, I hope you get spoiled rotten you deserve it.:happybirthday: P.S Boy I hope this wasnt meant to be a secret!

Mel - happy Birthday 21 Again :wink:

Dream - your not a silly mum at all. I cried this morning just driving past a school with all the little ones walking in for their first day. Besides you have had your DS with you to keep you occupied and not dwell for the past month so of course everything is going to seem more real once he has gone back to school. Does his school have a parents reading assistance / class help program? Tuckshop(canteen) duty... there are heaps of things you could do at the school to help keep you busy. Or even do something for yourself, I think as mum's we always put ourselves last in a very long list of things so maybe now DS is back at school you could use a part of every day to just do something for you.

MEL

:happybirthday: :happybirthday: :happybirthday:

I hope you have had a really nice day getting totally spoilt.

I know you will be out to dinner tonight but I just want you to know that I am sending massive birthday hugs.

YIPPPIE for the Birthday girl :confetti:



Dream: You have every right to feel how you are, it is not ungreatful at all. I hope DS has a nice first day. I for example was a major dork and loved school so I hope he does to. Take care babe.

Pop in later
Spring

:happybirthday:

Happy Birthday Mel, hope you had a lovely day.

Hi ladies, I hope you are all well.

:( It's my first day back at work tomorrow, how did you guys handle going back?

:happybirthday: to you Mel, hope you have a great day!

Hey everyone,

Thank you ALL so much for your birthday wishes :) I ended up having a really nice day, I did get spoilt rotten! I got lots of pressies from my work mates (including a scratchie from 1 girl and I won $20 :dance:). When I got in this morning my desk was covered in streamers and a happy birthday sign, I got two huge boxes of flowers (gerbras - my fave) with balloons (one from a friend who moved to Brissy recently, the other from my family with a gorgeous teddy - that strangely looked pregnant...what the? - and a box of choccies). Got lots of text messages. Went to dinner with DH and MIL tonight and she gave me $100 (woohoo, bring on the weekend - yay, shopping :D), got a card in the mail from my uncle with a JB Hi Fi gift voucher... And that is all on top of getting a bracelet on Saturday from parents, beautiful large frame from sis to put wedding photo in and ipod nano with accessories from DH. OMG, and I was dreading this day... what is wrong with me?

Anyway...

Spring - I had a card from Aust Post in mailbox when I got home from dinner so I think your pressie has arrived, I have the day off on Friday so I will go pick it up then... so excited!

Lynn - The e-card was absolutely beautiful, it made me cry... but in a good way if that doesn't sound too strange, what you said in the card was so sweet and it meant alot to me, so thank you.

Dream - I don't think you are being ungrateful at all, you are entitled to feel whatever emotions come up about anything to do with your baby (my mum tells me that your kids are always your "babies" no matter how old). Can I ask a question though? I might sound like a bimbo but does your sons primary school have kindy or is that what we call Prep? Spring was saying it is different in Brissy to Melb so I am thinking maybe its the same in Syd.

Bailey - Good luck for your first day back tomorrow, I will be thinking of you. It may be hard at first but in some ways it can help you cope. Are you close with your work colleagues? Sometimes it is really good to keep yourself busy, but just don't pressure yourself to be "ok" or "back to normal" and just take it as it comes.

Anyway, thank you all once again - I have had a very special day, and I have decided I would like to turn 30 every day :lol:

Mel

Afternoon Girls


Firstly a big thank you to you all for making me feel much better, needed to get that off my chest and you are all so supportive. It has helped.


Mel Im so glad you had such a great birthday, it sounded wonderful I wish for you for every day to feel like this my love and not a dumd question, we start kindy here which you can be 4and 1/2 but DS B/D is in May so we held him back so he was 5.5 when he started so year 3 is primary here in NSW. He will be 9 this may........Oh no 9!!!!!!!where is my baby!! Your mum is so right I think even when he towers over me, he still be my baby...poor child I have visions of that Nutra grain add me running out to protect him!!!:lol:

Clare Are/have the fires over there been close? I hope your copeing with work, how many more days? That boss sounds like a real %$#^ (you can fill in the blank!) Im sorry you had to deal with that but maybe this is the right decision....leaving! Hope m/s is easing up.

Jo Thank you for all your kind words, and Im very involved in the school already it was just hard with all the routine and me expecting that I was going to be 20weeks when he went back to school....well you know what I mean. Hope your feeling well sounds like things are better for you. Im glad you have found some comfort in the naming of your angels sounds like a nice idea.

Bailey Hope you first day back was ok, dont be to hard on yourslf, take time and go slow. Beening busy also helps past the time.

Spring How are you? When's DH back from work? Sounds like those puppies have you round there little finger! And thank you for you words of wisdom, and dork no I also enjoyed school but for the sport and social side!!! but DS loves school, he want to be an aironautical engineer and plans to go to uni, so I hope this keeps up when hes a teenanger!!!

Tess Hows your day going,Hope your feeling a little better.

Lynn Take care me love. Thinking of you.:hug:

Well I have found myself keeping busy for the last two days so things a better and all with the help of you wonderful women, my God im not sure what I would do without you so from my a big big big:hug: to each and everyone. I think im at day 13 today so we have just been bd every second day trying to catch that ever allusive eggie!! I didnt do the opks this month even though the presure of "thats it after this" Im trying not to add pressure......DH thinks my idea is wonderful every second day till we get that + or AF (or blood test next week!!) I have been reading that a relaxed uterus is more accepting of implantation then a stressed one (W/T) but i'll try anything!!!!

I will pop back later to catch up with everyones day have a great afternoon.

Nat x

Hi Girls
Not much happening in here today,

Mel - glad to hear you had a lovely bday, sounds like you got lots of lovely pressies, I hope I am as spoilt next week. :lol: Yeah right, I asked DP what he was buying me for my bday, to which he replied "dont know yet, got plenty of time" had to remind him its next week so not holding out much hope.

Dream - no sign of any fires for the past few days, but weather starting to heat up again this weekend so on needles again. I started taking that blackmores morning sickness formula this morning, which seems to have taken the edge of it. Thankfully.

Spring - how are you and little bean? Are you booked in for your first scan yet? Any signs of m/s?

Kerry, Lynn and Bailey - hope you are all well

I have booked my next scan for next thursday, so hopefully bubs is measuring at least 9weeks. I am not going to pretend I am not petrified, it was around 9 weeks I started bleeding with Shelby and Max, so that as well as the worry of another chromosomal abnormality is stressing me out. Hopefully after thursday I can relax for a couple of days, before I start worying about the NT scan. :wall:

Big hugs and kisses to everyone

Hi Girls

Wow Mel you were spoilt!!! Sorry the pressy arrived a little late. I hope you like it. I am a big sucker for Birthdays, every woman deserves to be spoilt. In a more serious way though, it is a reminder how many friends and family love you. I am so glad that it was a positive day.

Bailey: How was your first day back hun? I went back about a month ago and I was sick to my tummy with worry. Just remember it is ok to cry if you need to and if you feel like you need a break just remove yourself from the situation and have some quiet time to yourself. Unfortunatley this is usually in the toilet but at least you can have some privacy. Mel is right, don't expect too much of yourself. Just take it day by day. Do you have a close friend at work who you can turn to if you need to? Getting back to work was a really good distraction for me and keeping busy makes the days go a little quicker. Even though I was dreading going to work so much, it has actually turned out to be fairly positive.

Dream: I am glad that you are feeling better babe. How is DS going with school? Go the dorks I reckon!!! Wow and aironautical engineer, very impressive. I am sending heaps of +vibes babe. Go and get that jiggy and catch that eggie ;)

Well me, I think I am having a bit of morning sickness. I wake up feeling really nauseous but can't get out of bed to eat quick enough. The funny queasy feeling continues until about lunchtime and then I start to feel better. It is like I am so hungry but I don't want to eat. I don't know if it quallifies as m/s as I didn't have it at all with Harry. Looks like DH may be coming home on the weekend. Won't be able to confirm until tomorrow which is a bit of a bummer. Oh well, one week down and only 17 to go. By the time he gets home I will be about 24 weeks so I am just hanging out for that day.

Anyway, I am going to go and have a long hot shower (sorry water restrictions) and watch RPA. I don't know why I watch it because I cry every time.

Kerry, Lynn and Tess I hope you are all doing ok. Pop in and let us know how you are going. Flowerchild if you are out there, just know that I miss you and hope that everything is ok.

Lots of luv

Spring

Hi Girls,

Mel - Glad to hear you had such a great day, you seemed to have done pretty well in the prezzie department huh!

Dream - I don't blame you for being down about DS going back to school. I don't know how I'll go when I have to send my little bloke to school. I've still got 2 years til he goes but I am already dreading it. Well hopefully you're feeling better now that it's almost the weekend. Have fun with the bd'ing this week and here's to your relaxed uterus:D

Spring - Woo hoo on the m/s. I used to get the same thing, I'd get sick before I could even get out of bed and get anything to eat. I started keeping those pre-mixed milo drinks next to the bed snd just gulp those down before I even sat up. It helped abit. I hope your hubby gets to come back for the weekend. It must be so hard to have him away during this time. It must also be so hard for him too.

Wow, I've had a big week. The lady from Sids and Kids called me on tuesday for that support group. It was OK, she just asked me about all the details of what happened etc. I didn't feel as comfortable talking about it to her as I do with you guys. I don't know, it just seems so weird to really vocalize it all and not just type it. Yesterday we had our appointment with the Geneticist to give us an idea about the chances of this happening again. Although they know what caused Asha to pass away, they don't really know why she had it. So they pretty much said it's highly unlikely that this is a genetic thing so the chances are small. So I guess this is good news. Aarghh! Work today. It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I guess what was good is that the office I work in actually closed while I was on leave so I went to another office within the same company, but it was a totally new environment with people I didn't know. I am positive they all know what happened cos no one asked why I had time off, so I guess everyone is avoiding it. I am actually glad though, because it was a little break from thinking about it constantly, and I too drained after the hospital stuff yesterday to go into it all.
Just something the Sydney girls might be interested in that I heard today. My friend's aunt is a midwife and she said that the RHW at Randwick has almost finished a new part of their ante-natal department that is specifically set up for women that have had pregnancy losses or are at high risk where they can go to have extra monitoring and as far as she knew extra support. I don't know anymore about it than that and that it will be ready in about 6 weeks, but I will find out about it and let you all know the details as I get them. it will be interesting.

Wow, I think that I have babbled enough for now. I hope you are all well.

Just a quick one till later,

Bailey did you find an OB, I used Jan Duddley she is a t randwick and is the best, very kind understanding etc as well as exellant with care. I had a girlfriend who uses her and had placenta rupture if not for Jan both mum and bub would not be here. I only not use her now as I need extra effort over and above what she can do but I think Gavin Sacks also works out off Randwick I think he is at IVF Aust E/S and I can not begin to tell you how wonderful he is either one I would be very comfortable with.

Hi Girls

It has been a little quiet in here today.

Bailey: I can imagine how you felt uncomfortable talking to the Sids and Kids group but hopefully it works out to be a positive experience. It is also good that the Geneticist said there is very little chance of you having the same issues you had with Asha again. Harry had problems also, they can't put a name on it but he had single umbiliacle artery and lumbar hemivertebre (sp?) and out doctors / specialists said it would be like being hit by lightning twice. Well when you have been hit once you sort of get scared of playing in the rain. I hope you feel better since you appointment. I am also happy to hear that work was good.

Dream: about what Bailey was talking about at the RHW, that sounds like a wonderful place but way to far for us. I have been doing so research about my ob and he is apparently the Obstetric Spokesperson for the AMA. I was impressed. Anyway, only 11 sleeps until I get to meet him.

Well to all of you other gals, hope you are well and have exciting weekends ahead of you. DH is almost home so I am so excited. We are both totally exhausted but just being able to fall asleep in his arms makes it all worth it.

I'll be back tomorrow to say hi.

Luv Spring

Hey

Not sure if anyone is around but I just wanted to get something off my chest. Mail arrived for DH yesterday and he only got around to opening it this morning. It was from the Queensland Government and it was only when he opened it we realised it was Harry's Death Certificate. I am angry that it took almost 4 months to arrive because it is the last thing I want to see at the moment. I remember asking for it to be addressed to DH because I didn't want to see it. As you can expect I got really upset :cry:

Thats all, we are both feeling pretty low and sorry for ourselves so we are going to watch DVD's and eat choccies all afternoon.

I will never ever receive the death certificate of any of my children ever again.... That is my mantra for today.

Spring

Oh Spring, I am so sorry hun, I second your pledge.

Thanks Clare

So far I have downed a King size Cherry Ripe Mmmmmm and we have a packet of Malteasers in the fridge.

We watched An Inconvenient Truth which was a real eye opener but probably a stupid choice because I cried my eyes out. Oh well we are about to watch Over The Hedge so hopefully that is a little cherrier. DH leaves at 9.00am tomorrow so just trying to make the most of my time with him. He won't be back for at least 2 weeks but by then I will be 9 weeks so that is something to be happy about.

On a good note, I am continuing to have nausea on and off all day. It is really bad when I first wake up. I actually had a spew before work yesterday because I felt so sick. I know you have really bad m/s at the moment Clare so I don't want to trivialise it, but I am so glad I am finally getting some symptoms. I am almost getting brave enough to do a pregnancy announcement.

I hope everyone is well and I'd love to hear from you all soon. I'm sure I'll pop in tomorrow.

Spring

Hey everyone,

It has been really quiet around here huh!

Spring - I am so sorry you received Harrison's certificate. They don't provide them in Melbourne (instead we get "stillborn" written on their birth certificate) so I can only imagine how awful it was. So confronting and heartbreaking, and the absolute worst way to start off DH's weekend home... I have 100% confidence that you will never have to receive another one of those again. Thinking of you both :hug:

Clare - Good luck for your scan on Thursday, let us know how you get on.

Bailey - Im glad going back to work wasn't as bad as you thought, the hardest bit is that first day not knowing what to expect. As hard as it is, I think it is great that you are starting to be able to talk about Asha and I really hope it is helping you :)

Not much happening on my end, kids are being sensational this weekend - especially the youngest :eek:, so I don't have too much to complain about. Pretty confident AF will be visiting on Monday - I did HPT on Thursday with FMU and got BFN. So pretty much considering it was only 5 days before AF due I would expect at least a shadow of some sort but there absolutely nothing. Also, I am starting to get the usual PM symptoms. But, I am going to do another test tomorrow morning and if - let's not fool myself - when I get a BFN again I will know for sure I am not pg this month :crying: DH says I should hold out for Monday to see if AF arrives but Monday is exactly 5 months since Nicholas was born and I worry it is going to be tough, and considering I will be at work I don't need a nasty little surprise all on the same day because I will fall apart. But I will live, and I will go and have the hysterogram on the 13th Feb and then try again next month :rolleyes:

On a different note, I went with my sister yesterday to help her out with some stuff for my nephews 3rd birthday party tomorrow - well we took him to Red Rooster for lunch and he was telling all about what he was going to have at his party. It is a Wiggles theme and he told me he was going to have Wiggles music and I asked "are you gonna dance at your party" and he said yes, and I then asked "can I dance with you at your party" and he got this mortified look on his face and said "you will embarrass me", lmao. I was totally devastated!

Anyway, on that very depressing note... I hope everyone else is well.

Mel

Hi everyone :hello:

Sorry I have been MIA for a while. Had a very rough week and just needed some alone time to deal with it. One of the issues was AF - the wicked witch arrived :crying: It hit me much harder than I would have thought. I also just found that everywhere I looked I saw babies and I just couldn't control my emotions. I feel like I have gone 10 steps back but I am trying to claw my way back.

Spring - I'm sorry that the death certificate for Harrison arrived. I thought we would get one because on the letter from the funeral place it said that we would get it within 10 working days of the funeral and it never turned up. I got my mum to ring and they said that it was a mistake on the letter and that we don't get one because on the birth certificate it says stillborn. It was awful because for weeks I was dreading going to the mailbox in case the death certificate was there. I hope you had a nice weekend with DH and I hope he is back very soon.

Mel - I still have my fingers crossed for you :hug:

Hope everyone else is well.

Lynn: Oh I am sorry that the wicked witch showed up. I hope she has been kind to you. I know what it is like when something seems to set you back but you will get there hun. Perhaps a break from BB was a good idea but just know that I have missed your posts so I am glad to hear from you.

Mel: How was the Wiggles B'day party? Wil just seems like a real sweetie, did he overcome is embarassment and dance with Aunty Mel? Have you tested again yet? Don't give up all hope. The first line I got about 2 days before AF you would need a microscope to see. DH thought I was imagining it. I know tomorrow is going to be a tough day for you. It is Harrison's 4 month birthday on Tuesday so just know that I am thinking of you. If AF does show up give her a big kick in the butt for me.

Me, well, DH left this morning and I know he won't be back for at least 2 weeks.. I have been feeling sick all day and nothing I eat makes it better. I am hanging out for something really fattening, like hot chips, but I am trying hard to keep those kilos off. Nevermind, a night in front of the TV for me.

Big :hug: for tomorrow Mel. I hope you are feeling a little better today Lynn. Hope to hear from more of you soon, I feel like I am hogging this thread.

Luv
Spring Angel

Spring I'm so sorry you aren't feeling too good. I will be thinking of you and Harrison on Tuesday. With DH away for a while, if you need someone to talk to or want to catch up let me know :hug: